


Call Me Maybe

by LuckyStarship



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: #savearthur2k16, Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Human, Bad Touch Trio, Boarding School, Cancer, Concerning Toilet, Feels, Homophobic Language, Lung Cancer, Mild Language, Multi, Past PruAus, Slurs, Texting, Toilet humor, antonio is a good idiot, arthur is a sassy shit, arthur is too good for this shit, can get feelsy, can gilbert really be trusted, prucan, the smart kind, will fuck up your feelings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-27
Updated: 2016-10-01
Packaged: 2018-04-23 14:55:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 45,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4881112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuckyStarship/pseuds/LuckyStarship
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Matthew Williams is accidentally texted by a wrong number one evening by an obvious trouble maker at a boarding school miles away. Friendship ensues, possibly something more.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Bold is Gilbert.  
> Normal is Matthew.

Friday P.M.

(4: 28) **Youre not going to fucking believe how much she was mad that I hid her tampons.**

(4: 32)What? Tampons? Uh, who?

(4: 32) **Jfc Toni I know youre slow but seriously!**

(4: 33) Who is Toni? Um...Who is this?

(4: 33) **Holy shit. Wrong number. Sorry.**

(4: 33) I have a feeling whoever she is won't be happy…..

(4: 34) **Sorry about this. Later.**

(4:35) Bye.

 

Saturday A.M.

(9: 12) **She hit me with her frying pan.**

(9: 16) Wrong number again.

(9:17)  **No, no, Im updating you.**

(9: 18) Oh....But...Why?

(9: 19) **Because tbh Im bored af.**

(9: 20)  **Plus I would be a very terrible person if I left you in suspense wondering my fate**.

(9: 21) Ah yes, of course...I have spent many hours pondering what happened to you!

(9: 21)  **Good to know.**

(9: 22) But seriously, who is this?

(9: 23)  **The awesomest person you've ever met!**

(9: 24) Mon Dieu. Alfred, is this you?

(9: 25)  **Whos Alfred? He sounds lame!**

(9: 26) Try telling that to his face....

(9: 27) Um....Nice talking to you again....I guess?

(9: 29) **I have to go to the hospital wing anyways. Later!!!**

Sunday A.M.

(11: 23) How's your head?

(11: 30)  **Fantastic, thank you very much.**

(11: 31) You did kind of deserve it though....But why a frying pan?

(11: 32)  **What are you having for lunch.**

(11: 32) Obvious avoidance of question is obvious.

(11: 33)  **Im having soup surprise for lunch.**

(11: 34) That sounds...unappetizing.

(11: 35)  **You should see it in real life.**

(11: 36) No, thank you. I'm good.

(11: 37)  **You sure? You have not lived until youve seen soup surprise on a Sunday. Someone almost died one time.**

(11: 38) Your mom cooks that bad?

(11: 39)  **Bitch please, Im at a boarding school. Everyone almost dies at some point due to soup surprise.**

(11: 41) Ah. That explains the hospital wing and soup surprise.

(11: 42) **What are you having for lunch?**

(11: 43) You're a stranger and I just met you!

(11: 44) **Yes. Because I will totally know your address, home life, and name as soon as you tell me what youre having for lunch.**

(11: 45) **I am just that awesome.**

(11: 45) Good point...I guess.

(11: 46) I'm having peanut butter and jelly.

(11: 47)  **PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY!**

(11: 48) **Are you seven years old or something?! Thats so fucking lame!**

(11: 49) I'm nineteen, thanks. Don't be jelly of my jelly.

(11: 52)  **You didn't.**

(11: 53) I just did.

(11: 54) Enjoy your soup surprise, Stranger.

 

Monday P.M.

(7: 56)  **I can guess where youre living.**

(7: 57) Good afternoon as well. I'm pleased to see you survived your soup surprise.

(7: 57)  **My friend Francis brought us food so it wasnt too bad.**

(7: 58) What kind of food?

(7: 59) **....Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.**

(8:00) So you were jelly of my jelly.

(8:01)  **Was not!**

(8: 02) **Peanut butter and jelly is still lame but it tastes a hell of a lot better than stupid soup surprise!**

(8: 03) I was kidding....You're quick to jump to defense.

(8: 04)  **Because Francis's pb &js are fucking amazing.**

(8: 05) **Question: What happens if I add sodium to water. Lots of it.**

(8: 06) That's basic grade school! Don't do it!

(8: 07) **Im doing it and its going to go off at midnight. Sodium-water bomb set to go off in four hours.**

(8: 07) Mon Dieu.

(8: 08) Why are you telling me all this...? I could easily report you to authorities once it happens.

(8: 09)  **You dont even know my name.**

(8: 10) Can we keep it like that?

(8: 11)  **Youre no fun. Youre so boring. :/**

(8: 12)  **The awesome me has awesome work to do. Bye.**

(8: 13) Please don't text me again, eh!

 

Tuesday P.M.

(5: 01) So how was your little prank?

(5: 03) **You didn't want me to text you but its okay for you to text me? No fair.**

(5: 03) Drama queen.

(5: 04)  **King, you mean.**

(5: 04) **Yes. Bow before me.**

(5: 05) I am a rebel and therefore I do not feel the need to bow.

(5: 06) **Touche.**

(5: 10) Not trying to be rude but...Why do you keep messaging me?

(5: 11)  **Because my best fucking friends forever are in suspension and I have no one else to text. :(**

(5: 12) Oh well I guess that sucks....But why are they in suspension?

(5: 13) **Because they took the blame for the explosion in the girls dorm. The sodium bomb.**

(5: 14) Wow.

(5: 14) You owe them a cookie or something.

(5: 15) **Nahhhh we do all this stuff all the time. This is like what seven times they took the blame out of nine Ive done it for them**.

(5: 15) I still think you should probably give them a cookie or something....

(5: 16) **Jfc what are you my mother.**

(5: 17) I don't know. Maybe. You wouldn't happen to have two fathers, one who gave birth to you that would technically be considered your mother?

(5: 18) **I never knew my parents tbh.**

(5: 19) **So quite possibly.**

(5: 20) **I should drop the remaining sodium in the toilet.**

(5: 21) !!!!

(5: 22) But....They'll know you were actually the one who did it! And you'll get hurt! And you never knew your parents?

(5: 23)  **Noooooo. No no see then itll make me look like the victim and Franny, Toni and I could get off scott free.**

(5: 24) That is probably one of the shittiest plans I've ever heard.

(5: 24)  **You should hear Tonis plans to take over the world with tomatoes.**

(5: 25) Oh goodness gracious...! I'm texting a lunatic!

(5: 26)  **Yeah but you texted me first this time :)**

(5: 27) I regret every decision I have ever made.

(5: 31)  **Hello?**

(5: 32)  **You havent blocked me, have you?**

(5: 33) **Well Im going to go dump this sodium down the toilet.**

Wednesday A.M.

(8: 12) Oh no! I hope you didn't really do that! I'm sorry! I was busy! You didn't get hurt did you?

(8: 18)  **I thought I was a lunatic. Why are you texting a lunatic?**

(8: 19) I guess that was really mean of me...I'm sorry.

(8: 20)  **You better be because Im trying to read my physics textbook while texting and stuffing french toast in my mouth**.

(8: 21) Wait you can read?

(8: 22) **Obviously, Ive been reading your text messages. :/**

(8: 23) That was rude of me. Sorry.

(8: 24) Corrected question: You actually study?

(8: 25)  **No.**

(8: 25) But....I thought you were reading your physics textbook....?

(8: 26)  **This is last minute cramming for a huge test in two hours. Not considered studying, so Roderich tells me.**

(8: 27) Who's he?

(8: 28)  **A fucking prick.**

(8: 29)  **He thinks hes so fucking perfect just because he has like maybe nice hair and can play the violin and shit.**

(8: 30) **Well you know what?**

(8: 31)  **HE CAN SUCK MY FUCKING DICK!!!**

(8: 32) I feel as if I have opened a can of worms that should have been left unopened....I'm sorry if I've touched a sensitive topic....?

(8:33)  **Sorry for getting mad. I am trying to read.**

(8: 34) Then why are you still answering my messages?

(8: 34) **Why are you still texting me?**

(8: 35)  **:/**

(8: 36) I guess I'll stop...? Good luck on your physics test, stranger!

(8: 37) Oh wait! You didn't drop the sodium in the toilet, did you?!

(8: 38)  **PERSON. READING. STUDYING.**

(8: 39) I'm sorry!!!

 

Wednesday P.M.

(3: 46) How was your test?

(3: 47)  **I'm still in class gdi.**

(3: 47) !?

(3: 48)  **I attend boarding school. Classes until five thirty. Six sometimes.**

(3: 49) Wow...That sounds...Awful. 

(3: 51)  **I dont feel too bad because Ive never attended a school that does end till four or five so I dont know what Im missing.**

(3: 52) Yeah....Me neither.

(3: 53) **Youre in boarding school too?!**

(3: 54) Uh...No.

(3: 55) **Oh. Are you homeschooled?**

(3: 56) Can we not talk about that? I hardly even know you....

(3: 57)  **Im pretty sure you know a hell lot more about me then I do about you. :/**

(3: 58) Aren't you in class anyways...?

(3: 59)  **Please, like the awesome me hasnt texted in school enough to know how to get away with it.**

(3: 59) You seem confident.

(4:00) **Bitch, I might be.**

(4:01) Well...Okay....

(4:01)  **This class is never going to end.**

(4: 02) What class you in?

(4:03)  **Gasp, I cant tell you, ew you creepy stalker. You could totally come stalk me if I told you what CLASS I was in!!! Im not stupid I see through you!!!**

(4: 04) ._.

(4: 05)  **Pleeeeeaaassseeeee just like.....Tell me a little bit about yourself?**

(4: 05) Are you really that bored to be inquiring me of all people to tell about myself?...

(4: 06)  **Why are you really that boring?**

(4: 07) No! I just....

(4: 08) **Can I at least play a guessing game?**

(4: 09).......Guessing game?

(4: 10)  **I love guessing games.**

(4: 11) I....Guess?

(4: 11)  **Are you a boy?**

(4: 12) What!?

(4: 12) Of course I am!

(4: 13) **I didnt know that! :/**

(4: 14) I feel offended....!

(4: 15) **Well sorry.**

(4: 16) If I have to answer these questions then you do too!

(4: 17)  **The awesome me can handle this.**

(4: 17) So....You ARE a boy right?

(4: 18)  **Omg Im so offended!!!!!!!!!!**

(4: 20) You're mean!

(4: 22)  **:P**

(4: 22) My turn....What's your favorite animal?

(4: 23)  **Birds! Like birds are fucking awesome, you dont even know.**

(4: 24) You're right, I don't even know. What kind of birds?

(4: 25)  **Yellow canaries. I used to have one.**

(4: 26)  **But then he got flushed down a toilet.**

(4: 27) Your fascination with flushing things down toilets concerns me.

(4: 28)  **As it does Franny and Toni.**

(4: 29)  **Whats your favorite animal?**

(4: 29)  **WAIT I WANNA GUESS!!!!**

(4: 30)  **Im really fucking awesome at guessing. Can I?**

(4: 31) Shoot.

(4: 32) **Okay.**

(4: 32) **Something large.**

(4: 33)  **And furry.**

(4: 34) Very good. 

(4: 35) **Hell yes Im awesome!**

(4: 36) But can you guess specifics?

(4: 37) **Dog. Large dogs.**

(4: 38) Actually yes!...We used to own a golden retriever...But I like bears as well.

(4: 45) Hello?

(4: 47) **Sorry there was a teacher walking up and down the aisle.**

(4: 48)  **Wouldnt want my reputation of never getting caught getting flushed down the toilet.**

(4: 49) The same toilet that concerns me and you friends?

(4: 50)  **The very same.**

(4: 51) Hm.....

(4: 52) Do you have a brother?

(4: 54)  **Hey its my turn!**

(4: 54) Oops sorry.

(4: 55) **.....Do you have a brother?**

(4: 56) ._.

(4: 57) Yes.

(4: 58)  **Whats his name?**

(5: 00) Take a guess, guess master.

(5: 01)  **Alfred!**

(5: 01) !?

(5: 02) How'd you know that!?

(5: 03)  **Because the very first time I texted you you asked me if I was some lame person named Alfred. :P**

(5: 05) Oh...

(5: 06)  **Is he your older or younger bro?**

(5: 07) We're twins. It's complicated.

(5: 08)  **Sounds simple to me.**

(5: 09) He's my half-twin.

(5: 10)  **Nevermind that sounds complicated as fuck.**

(5: 11) Yes...It is....Do you have a brother? Or any sort of sibling?

(5: 12)  **Yes I have a little brother that means the fucking world to me and if we ever meet and you hurt him somehow I will end you. :)**

(5: 13) I

(5: 14) Okay...

(5: 15) What's his name?

(5: 15)  **Guess!**

(5:16) A little hint?

(5: 17)  **Starts with an L.**

(5: 18) Larry? Lee? Louis? Langston?

(5: 19)  **Wow. All those names suck ass.**

(5: 20) Landon? Liam? Logan?

(5: 21)  **Ha. You suck.**

(5:22) LEO? LUCAS? LAWRENCE? LEON? LUCIUS? LARS? LINUS?

(5: 23)  **All of those are wrong.**

(5: 24) I have named every L name I know...Please do tell me what his name is.

(5: 25)  **Ludwig!! <3**

(5: 26) Wow...German?

(5: 29)  **Yep :P**

(5: 31) What's your name?

(5: 32)  **Tell me yours.**

(5: 33) Um...No....

(5: 34)  **Then why should I tell you my awesome name!**

(5: 34) What should I call you then?

(5: 37)  **Can I give us names? I like naming things.**

(5: 39) I guess.....?

(5: 40) **YES!!!! I am the awesome Prussia. Since I cant be Germany...**

(5: 41) Er....?

(5: 42)  **Long story. Very long story.**

(5: 43) .....So what's my name?

(5: 44) **I like birds so...Birdie.**

(5: 45) !?

(5: 45) Really!?

(5: 47)  **Yes really. Be fucking grateful.**

(5:55) **Class is almost over and the awesome me is wondering where you went.**

(5: 56) Sorry! I need to go! talk to you later...

(5: 57) Prussia.

(5: 58)  **:)**

 

Thursday A.M.

(6: 35) **Is this the real liiiiife.**

(6: 35)  **Or is this just fantassyyyyy.**

(6: 36)  **Caught in a landsliiiiide.**

(6: 37)  **No escape from realitttyyyy.**

(6: 40) Do you always wake people up with Queen lyrics!?

(6: 41) **I just got woken up at six thirty by my alarm. And its Thursday.**

(6: 42) So....The first thing you do at six....Is grab your phone and text me Queen?

(6: 44)  **Obviously. Get with the times, Birdie!**

(6: 45) Wow. I feel special.

(6: 46)  **I forgot since its Thursday I dont have to wake up until nine. Gdi.**

(6: 48) I don't have to wake up until eight o'clock but never mind that now.

(6: 50) **Sorry Birdie. :(**

(6: 52) I forgive you. I guess since I'm already awake it wouldn't hurt to tell you that there shall be no flushing things down the toilet today.

(6: 54) Do not put sodium in the toilet. Or in a fishbowl. Or someone else's breakfast. 

(6: 55)  **YOU JUST GAVE ME AN AWESOME IDEA!!!!**

(6: 56) Oh dear! No no ignore everything I said!

(6: 58)  **Say goodbye to Elizabetas goldfish Eszter and Bence.**

(6: 59) Don't you dare hurt any goldfish!

(7:02)  **Im just kidding no fucking way I would put sodium in Eszter and Bences fishbowl. Those guys are fucking cute. Im probably going to put sodium in Elizabetas breakfast though. Elizabeta go boom boom. Me be happy.**

(7:03) You're homicidal.

(7: 04) **If you knew Elizabeta youd be homicidal towards her too.**

(7: 05) I'm going to safely assume that Elizabeta is the same person who hit you with a frying pan and you hid her tampons?

(7: 06)  **Ja.**

(7: 08) Are you two at war or something? Why?

(7: 09)  **Id rather not share that information.**

(7:10)  **Youre my friend I dont wanna lose ya early!**

(7: 11) You remind me of my friend's friend. He's just like you.

(7: 13)  **Whats his name?**

(7: 14) Matthias.

(7:15) **Huh.**

(7: 16) Are we still doing the guessing game from yesterday....?

(7: 18) J **a sure!**

(7: 19) I think its my turn...What do you look like?

(7: 20) **Stalker much?**

(7: 21) I'm just curious!

(7: 23)  **I know :P**

(7: 24)  **Um.....I have black hair. And blue eyes.**

(7: 25)  **Wait wait wait green eyes. I have green eyes. Im handsome. So very handsome.**

(7: 26)....That's....Not really how you look is it?

(7: 27) **No. Last time I told someone how I looked they laughed. And everybody who knows me in real life think Im weird or scary looking anyways. I dont even care much anymore.**

(7: 28) Then why not tell me....?

(7 30)  **Because I just met you as youd delightfully point out. :/**

(7: 31) Oh.....I'll tell you how I look if you tell me!

(7: 32) **Uuuuggghhh fiiiiiiiiiiiiiine.**

(7: 33) Okay...Um...I have sort of blond hair, and er...Kind of purple-blue eyes? They're a weird color. I'm a little pale because I grew up in Canada and it snowed in the part we lived in a lot, I wear glasses....I'm kind of tall and stuff....That's about it.

(7: 34) **You sound hotter than I do. :(**

(7: 35)....Thanks.....?

(7: 36) **Im albino. White/silver hair, red/purple/pink whatever eyes, depending on the day. I've got vertical heterochromia iridum. Tall. Muscular af. Totally hot.**

(7: 39) ._.

(7: 42) Nice talking to you but I've got to get up soon for...stuff. Talk to you later?

(7: 43) **Okay, Birdie!**

 

Friday P.M.

(10: 11) **Birdie.**  

(10: 13) **Birdie.**

(10: 15) **Birdiiiiieeeee.**

(10:19) **Im going to drop the sodium in the goldfish bowl.**

(10: 20) Don't you dare Prussia!

(10: 21) **Wait fuck.**

(10: 22) **Wheres the rest of my sodium!**

(10: 23) I want to assume that Franny and Toni are good guys who took the sodium away from you.

(10: 24) **Nice try but Franny and Toni are the type of guys who would be buying me more sodium.**

(10: 24) I'm slowly losing faith in humanity.

(10: 26) **Dont have faith in anybody but yourself. Maybe.**

(10: 27) Thanks I guess...?

(10: 28) **What are you doing?**

(10: 30) I'm about to step in the shower.

(10: 32) **Oh.**

(10: 32) **Well I guess Ill text you tomorrow.**

(10: 33) You can if you want....

(10: 34) **Whats it like where you live?**

(10: 35) I'm not answering this question while stripping down naked in a bathroom.

(10: 35) **Deepest apologies.**

(10: 36) **The awesome me shall text you later.**

(10: 37) **Yolo~!**

(10: 38) Heh....Bye Prussia.

 

 


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold is Gilbert.  
> Normal is Matthew.  
> Italics is Francis.

Saturday A.M.

(11.48) **What is life.**

(11: 50) That’s exactly what I ask myself whenever I see those pigeons mauling the dead squirrel in the parking lot.

(11: 51) **Wait what?**

(11: 52) **I may not be the smartest fucking snowflake on Earth but I know enough about history to know that those must be crows not pigeons.**

(11: 53) History? Don’t you mean nature? Or science?

(11: 54) **No no I meant history.**

(11: 55) Er….

(11: 56) **Correction: I know enough about birds to know those are fucking crows.**

(11: 56) Better.

(11: 57) And no, I am certain those are pigeons. I have watched them for months.

(11: 58) **That sounds really fascinating now seriously answer my goddamn question what is life.**

(11:59) Short.

(12:00) **That was so fucking deep in one word how the hell do you manage that.**

(12:01) I don’t know. What brought such a question to mind…?

(12: 02) **Im sitting in the hospital wing with possibly a concussion. Again.**

(12: 03) !?

(12: 04) Was it Elizabeta!

(12: 05) **Oh wow how did you know.**

(12: 06) You do seem to dislike her….

(12: 07) **It was sarcasm, Birdie. Sarcasm.**

(12: 08) What’d she hit you on the head for this time?

(12: 09) **Er….**

(12: 10) It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me….

(12: 11) **Well.**

(12: 12) **She saw my phone, thought you were some girl or….Something. Got mad. Hit me with a frying pan. Called me unloyal.**

(12: 13) Wait….

(12: 14) Is Elizabeta your girlfriend!?

(12: 16) **No.**

(12: 17) Then what did she mean…?

(12: 18) **Id rather not fucking get into that. The awesome me wants to know the fuck youre doing.**

(12: 19) Oh.

(12: 20) Basking in the glory of my tulips.

(12: 21) **That sounds unreasonably manly. Whats the occasion.**

(12: 22) They are from a friend!

(12: 25) **Girlfriend?**

(12: 28) You could say that.

(12: 29). **...Boyfriend?**

(12: 30) Mon Dieu! Non!

(12: 31) **Well who the fuck is sending you tulips.**

(12: 32) A friend I used to have. He lives in the Netherlands now.

(12: 33) **And where do you live?**

(12: 34) Eh….

(12: 35) **Come on Birdie! Dont you trust me enough to even tell me what country you live in?**

(12: 36) I still don’t really know a whole lot about you….

(12: 38) **I am a Capricorn, my parents are supposedly from Germany as is my grandfather, I have a little brother and two cousins, one is a trigger happy maniac and the other one is a precious little woman cinnamon roll who can kick ass, I have a never ending feud with Elizabeta Héderváry, I enjoy pancakes and sausage, beer time with mein bruder is precious, and my best fucking friends forever are idiots.**

(12: 40) Huh.

(12: 42) Well….Uh...I am a Cancer….And um...I like pancakes too? And hockey? I grew up in Canada, so I speak French and English….And we moved here when I was thirteen..I had a friend who was from Netherlands who moved back...That’s it about me. I’m not very interesting.

(12: 43) **You sound interesting. Whats the name of this guy?**

(12: 45) Lars…Lars Anderssen. He had a sister too-Bella. He was kinda tall….Blond spiky hair. Scar on his head. Green eyes. She had brown hair. Blue eyes. Bow in her hair.

(12: 45) **He sounds hot.**

(12: 46) ***She.**

(12: 47) .-.

(12: 48) **Ignore the fucking typo. Ignore it.**

(12: 49) You sure it was a typo?

(12: 51) **Okay well maybe he fucking sounds good looking better looking than half the guys at my school idk he might be but the chick sounds hot.**

(12: 52) Defensive response is defensive.

(12: 53) **Im going to flush your head down a toilet.**

(12: 55) Oh dear….I do hope this toilet has insurance. With all the stuff you’ve been flushing down it.

(12: 56) Can I ask who Roderich is?

(12: 57) **What?**

(12: 58) Well earlier you mentioned a Roderich...You don’t seem to like him either...And I told you about Lars so….

(12: 59) I don’t know. Just trying to keep a conversation. I’m not very good at it.

(1:00) **Roderich is the biggest fucking prick in school.**

(1: 01) **He thinks just because he has fucking nice hair and plays the piano and shit he can walk like he owns the place.**

(1: 03) **And then he treats an aforementioned trigger happy like a piece of crap but oh hell well all know where thats gonna end up and he is a fucking backstabbing bitch.**

(1: 04) You have a lot to say on poor Roderich.

(1: 05) **DONT YOU FUCKING START.**

(1: 06) Somebody is a tiny bit moody today…

(1: 07) Is it because Elizabeta hit you?

(1:08) **Yes.**

(1: 08) I’m sorry if I am being a bother….

(1: 09) I’ll talk you later…

(1: 10) **No wait.**

(1:10) **Dont go.**

(1: 12) **Im fucking lonely and Toni and Franny are still in suspension and you are literally the only contact I can text rn bcuz Feliciano is at soccer practice, Lovino threatened to blow my head off the next time I texted him during his nap, and Ludwig had a thing today.**

(1: 13) A thing…?

(11: 14) **Translation: Hes totally watching Feliciano run around in short shorts kicking a ball.**

(1: 15) Oh. Okay then...What grade are you in?

(1: 16) **Year Twelve.**

(1: 17) Wait do you live in Britain!?

(1: 18) **Obviously.**

(1: 19) I thought you were….American.

(1: 20) **I am pretending to not be greatly offended by asking why.**

(1: 21) Because you act just like my brother, who is American.

(1: 22) **The stereotypes are strong with this one.**

(1: 23) I’m sorry!! Please don’t get mad! I didn’t mean to offend you or anything!!

(1: 24) **I forgive you Birdie, only because you are acting cute.**

(1: 25) Uh...Thanks?

(1: 26) **Youre fucking welcome.**

(1: 30) **Birdie?**

(1: 31) **The silence is deafening.**

(11: 35) **Here comes my soup surprise. Wish me luck.**

(2: 41) **Its been a couple of hours. I have survived soup surprise. I have peed twice. I survived the great war. Next is evolution.**

(2: 42) **I stand at the battlefront with my two trustworthy companions, Antonio Carriedo and Francis Bonnefoy. I have an almighty sword. I am going to kick Elizabeta and Roderichs asses.**

(2: 45) **I will win this war. It is only a matter of time. Unless Ivan Braginsky is involved. And holy fuck I dont want him involved. So hes not going to be involved. I have an almighty sword, as aforementioned. Im going to strike down Roderich on the spot. Elizabeta will burst into heavy sobs. I will succeed.**

(2: 46) **The war is over. I have conquered all. Ludwig assists me in starting a new kingdom. The first thing I do is try to find you so we can team up and kick Ivan Braginsky off the Earth.**

(2: 47) **The plan is flawless**.

(2: 48) I was going to text you but after that second message sent I wanted to see how this played out.

(2: 49) **Gdi Birdie.**

(2: 50) Heh...But I might not be able to text you til tomorrow….I got stuff to do….

(2: 51) **Oh.**

(2: 52) **See you later then.**

(2: 53) Bye Prussia….

(2: 55) **Bye Birdie!**

Tuesday P.M.

(6: 10) I DROPPED ICECREAM ON THE FLOOR

(6:10) IT IS STILL IN A PERFECT BLOCK SHAPE

(6: 11) 95% OF THAT ICE CREAM IS STILL GOOD

(6:12) TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE

(6:12) I AM GOING TO EAT THE BLOCKED ICE CREAM BEFORE IT MELTS

(6: 14) **What the fuck….?**

(6: 15) SHUT UP. I’M TRYING TO EAT ICE CREAM.

Wednesday A.M.

(4: 14) What if we were all animals?

(4: 17) **It is four in the morning. What the fuck do you want.**

(4: 18) I was bored. I forget that not everybody has the same sleeping pattern as me.

(4: 19) **Well youre fucking lucky I was awake anyways.**

(4: 23) Awake? Doing what?

(4: 25) **Playing the flute.**

(4: 26) Uh….

(4: 27) Thought you were...A boy?

(4: 28) **First of all how dare you insult the flute the flute is manly as hell.**

(4: 29) **Second of all I am an awesome manly man and I have a full eleven inches on me.**

(4: 30) Wait what!?

(4: 31) This conversation has gone in a direction I did not plan!

(4: 33) I meant you seemed like a hardcore guy that was a delinquent and probably has tattoos and piercings and stuff and gets in trouble 24/7 and ain’t got no time for a /flute/.!

(4:33) **You have assumed wrongly Birdie.**

(4:34) **The flute is a key part in my fucking awesomeness.**

(4: 35) **I am so fucking punk rock.**

(4: 36) Yeah I bet you are….

(4: 37) I’m sorry for not being to text a lot. I try to spend a lot of time with my brother and stuff in visiting hours.

(4: 39) **Visiting hours. What the fuck?**

(4: 40) Did I ever mention I kind of sort of live in a hospital?

(4:41) Or at least, I’ve been staying in one for a while. Two weeks almost. I get to go home in another two weeks.

(4: 43) **Fucking hell! What are you in the hospital for!**

(4:44) Lung cancer. My lungs have been acting up recently so I’m in a thingy for it.

(4: 45) **Thingy?**

(4: 48) Too difficult to explain….

(4: 49) But back to the initial reason why I’m texting you at four.

(4: 50) What if we were all animals?

(4: 51) **I would become a majestic canary and fly away in freedom away from school with my best fucking friends and brother.**

(4: 52) That is almost word for word what my brother would say. Replace ‘canary’’ with ‘bald eagle.

(4: 53) **Alfred sounds very interesting.**

(4: 54) He looks a lot like me but acts very differently….

(4: 55) **At least you dont have a big little brother.**

(4: 56)....?

(4:57) **West is like….Younger than me by two years. But a whole two inches taller and a fucking lot more buff.**

(4: 58) You were unlucky in the strength/height gene. Who’s West?

(4: 59) **Nickname for Luddy. I was born in Eastern Germany but we moved to West Germany when my mom was pregnant with him. According to my grandfather, anyways.**

(5:01) Wow….Is it okay if I ask what happened?....Why you don’t know your parents….?

(5:03) **Died in a car crash when I was three, Luddy one. The only thing I remember about my dad is like he owned a Ferrari. Thats it.**

(5:05) That’s...Awful! I’m so sorry!

(5: 05) **Dont be. Idc anyways, I never knew them.**

(5: 08) Well this is awkward….

(5:09) I’m going to leave you to your flute playing….

(5: 13) **Good night/morning/what fucking ever, Birdie.**

Friday P.M.

(7: 12) **I kicked someone in the balls today.**

(7:12) A day of silence and this is the first thing I hear from you.

(7: 13) Let me guess...Roderich?

(7: 14) **No.**

(7: 15) Who?

(7: 16) **Guy named Sadiq Adnan. He was being a dick.**

(7:18) How so?

(7: 19) **He just was.**

(7:20) You seem a bit like dick when you say that.

(7: 21) **But Im a nice dick**.

(7: 22) **Holy shit. Birdie?**

(7: 23) I AM LAUGHIN GSO HARD R IGHTNOW

(7:24) **Wow, thanks Birdie.**

(7:28) **You done laughing yet?**

(7:30) ONE MORE MI NUT E

(7: 31) **It has been a minute.**

(7: 31) **I summon thee.**

(7: 32) I choked.

(7: 34) **Because Im such a nice dick, I know.**

Friday P.M.

(7: 34) _You are smiling at your crotch. May I ask who you are texting this time~?_

(7: 35) **We are talking about my nice dick.**

(7:36) _I wish I was not across the room and sitting right next to you so I can see the juicy details. Sounds like a splendid conversation._

(7:37) **Thanks.**

(7: 37) **Wait was that sarcasm.**

(7:38) _Yes, fool._

(7: 39) **Youre so mean, Franny.**

(7:40) _Toni bets it is a young woman eighteen years old, Hispanic, and with a good sense of humor._

(7:41) _I say it is a sixteen-twenty year old blond of any nationality and gender. Most likely French._

(7:42) **Well you were closest. Stop fucking betting on who Im texting. Its creepy.**

(7: 43) _Sorry mon ami. We are doing the thing that annoying friends do~_

(7:44) **Shut up Im trying to text Birdie.**

(7:45) _That sounds like a fucking kink name for Big Bird on Sesame Street._

(7:49) **Oh my god. Shut up, fuckass.**

(7: 50) _;-)_


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bold is Gilbert.  
> Regular is Matthew.  
> Italics is Francis.  
> Underline is Antonio.

Saturday A.M.

(8: 23) Quick think of the most American thing you can.

(8:26) **Donut hamburger wrapped in American football paper held at a pizza place while the Bill Nye theme is playing. Surrounded by American flags.**

(8: 28) Thank you.

(8: 37) **Sorry for late reply what did you need it for.**

(8:38) I was just trying to make conversation…

(8: 39) **So wyd.**

(8: 40) Lying in bed.

(8:41) You?

(8:42) **Arguing with my ex.**

(8:43) Oh….I’m sorry….Are you okay?

(8: 45) **No I am not fucking okay its like okay yay you got yourself a new bae just dont fucking rub it in my face like the backstabbing betraying bitch you are.**

(8:45) **Youre going to be a bitchy prick-faced snubnose for the rest of your life.**

(8:46) Oh....I'm sorry....I've had ex troubles too...

(8:47) She moved away and I missed her a lot...

(8: 47) **What was her name?**

(8: 48) Yekaterina Braginskaya.

(8: 50) **HOLY FUCK!!!!**

(8: 50) !?

(8: 51) **DID SHE HAVE BIG BOOBS?!**

(8: 51) **LIKE REALLY REALLY HUGE FUCKING BOOBS?!**

(8:52) I.....! That's inappropriate!

(8: 53) **I KNOW A GIRL NAMED YEKATERINA BRAGINSKAYA**

(8: 53) **SHE HAS KNOCKERS WORTHY OF HOOTERS**

(8:54) Well...If I remember correctly, they were fairly large...

(8: 55) **HOLY SHIT IM GOING TO GO ASK HER IF SHE HAS ANY PICTURES OF YOU BRB**

(8: 56) No!!! Don't do that!

(8: 57) **Lol Im kidding. I respect your privacy.**

(8:58) Do you really.

(9:00) **Lol nah.**

(9: 01) I should have known....Please, give me the number of your ex if you wish to do so.

(9:02) **Why the fuck would I do that?**

(9:03) You want to talk to my ex, I want to talk to yours! I want to see how bitchy she can get!

(9:04) **I am not giving you my exs number!!!**

(9: 05) **You are not gonna sext my ex!**

(9:06) Do you still have feelings for her...?

(9:06) **NO WHAT THE FUCK MAKES YOU SAY THAT?!**

(9:07) Well....! My brother acted like this too with his ex, but they got back together because they still shared feelings!

(9:08) **Sell that shit to Disney**.

(9:09) Heh...Alfred has a way of making people come back...

(9:10) **Sounds like he does. Tell me more about him!**

(9:11) He’s...Loud.  A bit annoying, honestly. But I know he means well.

(9:12) **Like me?**

(9:12) I’m not entirely sure sometimes you mean well.

(9:13) **I am a stranger. You are a stranger. I am nice to strangers.**

(9:14) I find that hard to believe.

(9:15) **Only you, Birdie.**

(9:16) **So what are you like in real life?**

(9:17) Eh?

(9:17) **How are you in real life?**

(9:18) Well...I’m pretty shy, I guess. I kind of stutter. And nobody seems to notice me, mostly because of Alfred.

(9:19) **Is Alfred a dick?**

(9:20) No no! He’s nice! Loud ones are noticed more than quiet ones, that’s all.

(9:21) **I dunno, Id prefer a quiet one.**

(9:22) **I would make the quiet one awesome just be being around them.**

(9:23) ...Am I awesome?

(9:24) **Havent decided yet. :)**

(9:35) That’s good enough, I guess…

(9: 41) Hello?

(9:43) **Sorry my ex is being a real pain in my ass, Ive almost thrown my flute across the room.**

(9:44) Not the manly flute!!

(9:45) **Yes indeed the manly flute.**

(9: 46) Hehe :)

(9:47) **Okay my friends have been dying to meet you.**

(9: 48) What? Why!?

(9:49) **I quote, ‘I want to see why you are smiling at your crotch.’**

(9:50) Are you talking about the infamous Toni and Franny?

(9: 51) **The one and only Toni and Franny.**

(9:52) **I just dont want ya to meet them...Antonios an idiot and sometimes Francis can come off as a tiny bit perverted.**

(9:53) **Okay a lot perverted.**

(9:54) Heh….Sounds like my cousin…

(9:55) I’ve got to get up to eat breakfast. Talk to you soon!

(9:55) **Later.**

(9:56) _I want to meet him~_

(9:56) he sounds really nice gil!

(9:57) i want to give him a hug!!! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

(9:58) **There will be no hugs in this damn house.**

(9:59) _We’re not in a house, stupide._

(9:59) why no hugs??? (◕︵◕)

(10:00) **Because hugs are hella gay.**

(10:01) _Since when have any of us ever been completely straight poles?_

(10:02) buuuurn! (´ω｀)

(10:03) _Mon ami your excessive use of kawaii faces are disturbing the fuck out of me._

(10:04) ಥ⌣ಥ why must you hate me child

(10:05) **Hes a little bit worried about meeting you guys.**

(10:06) _Is he or are you._

(10:07) dont want first impressions of the future best men of your wedding to go wrong dont we!!!(ﾟヮﾟ)

(10:08) **Dont you have an Italian to bother, Toni?**

(10:09) si!!!!!!! ≧◡≦

(10:10) _Why don’t you go bother him~?_

(10:11) but i wanna meet birdie!!!!!

(10:12) **No one is going to meet Birdie! Why do you guys want to meet him so bad** **?**

(10:13) because were gonna play matchmaker!!!! (o´ω｀o)

(10:14) _Honestly mon cher it's so depressing watching you sulk in the corner after You-Know-Who backstabbed you._

(10:15) VOLDEMORT?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!11?!?! (*´д｀*)

(10:16) _No, Toni. Not Voldemort._

(10:17) **Who said I needed help after they backstabbed me hahahahahahahaha the relationship was toxic and we were both unhappy anyways.**

(10:17) _The lies you spew are great._ **  
**

(10:18) **Guys I appreciate it because thats what best fucking friends are for but youre getting too carried away. Im fine.**

(10:19) _(Not.)_

(10:20) **Gdi.**

(10:21) **You know what screw this. Later, alligators.**

(10:22) nuuuuu gil dont be sad!!!!!!(∩︵∩)

(10:23) _Stop with the fucking emoticons!_

__

Tuesday P.M.

__

(4:38) **Sorry I havent texted in a few days. Got my phone taken up by the headmaster.**

(10:41) Was your reputation of never getting caught flushed down the Concerning Toilet?

(10:41) **I receive a text six hours later. Yes, Birdie, it was.**

(10: 42) Sorry about that….Visiting hours.

(10:45) **Its okay I wont interfere with your family bonding.**

(10:46) **Can you tell me about your cancer?**

(10:47) Can you tell me about your ex?

(10:48) **What why.**

(10:49) Just curious.

(10:50) **No.**

(10:51) Why?

(10:52) **Because I dont want you to hate me.**

(10:53) Why would I hate you?

(10:54) **Because some people are like that, Birdie.**

(10:55) I promise I won’t be...Whatever like that!

(10:56) **Well….**

(10:56) **How about we do a thing?**

(10:57) A thing?

(10: 58) **If you can guess my favorite song and band its by, Ill tell you about my ex.**

(10:59) And if you guess mine I can tell you about my cancer?

(11:00) **Sure.**

(11:00) But I don’t mind telling you about my cancer! Honestly!

(11:01) **I do mind telling you about my ex.**

(11:02)...Okay then….Can I at least have a hint about your favorite song?

(11:03) **Do you speak German?**

(11:04) A little bit.

(11:05) **Bitte-bitte kannst du mir verraten wo du her kommst.**

(11:06) **Thats the only hint youre getting.**

(11:07) Gee, wow, thanks.

(11:08) **Youre welcome.**

(11:09) **Now tell me about your cancer.**

(11:10) Nah I think I’ll actually wait.

(11:11) **What!**

(11:12) I’ll tell if you can guess my favorite song!

(11: 13) **Hint.**

(11:14) Fall Out Boy.

(11:15) **My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark.**

(11:16) How’d you know that!?

(11:17) **Bitch please, everybody loves My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark.**

(11:18) Uggghhh. I’ll only tell you when you tell me about your ex!

(11:19) **Were just going to keep fucking dancing around this arent we.**

(11:21) Yep. _ **  
**_

(11:22) **Gdi.**

(11:23) **I gtg see you later.**

(11:24) **Gn Birdie!**

(11:25) Good night, Prussia.

Wednesday P.M.

(2:01) **Like she fucking cares I masturbated with you.**

(2:01) !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

(2:02) **HOLY SHIT IM SORRY**

(2:02) **THIS HAS TO BE THE WORST WRONG NUMBER TEXT IN MY FUCKING MISERABLE LIFE**

(2:03) I cannot unsee that text!

(2:08) **BIRDIE I AM SO SORRY**

(2:09) **DONT HATE ME IT WAS AN ACCIDENT I SWEAR**

(2:10) I believe you….I just...What the hell?

(2:11) **IM TALKING TO MY EX**

(2:11) **IT WAS MEANT FOR THEM**

(2:12) **BUT BIRDIE IS RIGHT ABOVE BITCHY SO I ACCIDENTALLY CLICKED YOURS**

(2:14) Why don’t you change my name, Mon Dieu….

(2:15) **I would but someone refuses to tell me their actual name.**

(2:16) Well…..I guess I trust you enough to tell you my first name….?

(2:18) **Ill tell you mine.**

(2:19) You first.

(2:20) **Gilbert.**

(2:25) **Birdie?**

(2:26) I’m sorry I just….Wasn’t expecting Gilbert XD

(2:27) **Haha, fuck you.**

(2:28) Mine is Matthew.

(2:29) **Mattie? Cool name.**

(2:30) Not you too!

(2:31) Alfred calls me that!

(2:32) **Sorry Mattie, its too cute to not use.**

(2:34) ._. **  
**

(2:35) I hope you and Alfred never meet in real life…

(2:36) **I wanna meet you! Ive been kind of getting….Shoved aside the past few weeks.**

(2:37) ????

(2:38) **By Antonio and Francis.**

(2: 38) I know they dont mean it but…

(2:39) **Theyre totally in love with other people and Im just….**

(2:40) **Meh.**

(2:41) Wow….I’m sorry, Gilbert….

(2:43) **Anyways, youre awesome, Birdie.**

(2: 44) :D Thanks. And can I guess your song?

(2:45) **Go for it.**

(2:46) Du Hast by Rammstein?

(2:47) **Nope.**

(2:48) Damn it.

Friday A.M.

(12: 01) **Birdie.**

(12:02) **Mattie.**

(12:02) **Mattie oh Mattie.**

(12:05) **Where art thou.**

(12:05) Thy was sleeping.

(12: 08) **Oops. Sorry.**

(12:09) Do not disturb thy again. Or I shall send thee to hell.

(12:10) **Thou wish is granted.**

(12:11) **I think we messed up our ‘thees’ ‘thous’ and ‘thys.’**

(12:12) Ya think.

(5: 18) **Are you awake yet.**

(5: 20) **Hello?**

(5: 28) **Guess Ill just go to sleep.**

(8:52) Morning, sunshine.

(8:53) **Why the hell did you wake me up.**

(8:54) Revenge, dear Gilly **.** **  
**

(8:54) **Dont talk to me.**


	4. Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea how British grading systems work. So ya know what? We're doin' this joint Harry Potter style.
> 
> O (Outstanding)  
> E (Exceeds Expectations)  
> A (Acceptable)  
> P (Poor)  
> D (Dreadful)

Saturday A.M.

(11:12) **Birdie. You awake?**

(11:13) Have I ever been known to sleep past eight?

(11:13) **Idk maybe.**

(11:14) No I don't, fool.

(11:15) **:P I dont know that. Maybe you get up early just to be able to talk to the awesome me.**

(11:16) You're self-centered.

(11:17) **Just now realizing that, Birdie?**

(11:18) Haha.

(11:19) Can I guess your favorite song?

(11:20) **You get one try a day.**

(11:21) All The Things She Said by t.A.t.U.

(11:22) **....Thats by a Russian band.**

(11:23) I thought it was German? All I know is that it's really popular and foreign.

(11:24) **That song is in English, Birdie.**

(11:24) Oh.

(11:25) Damn it.

(11:26) **Why dont we talk about something else?**

(11:27) Okay....I guess....

(11:28) **Whats your favorite colour?**

(11:29) Probably red. You?

(11:30: **Blue.**

(11:31) Okay...Whats your favorite movie?

(11:32) **God damn it how do I decide.**

(11:33) **Uh**

(11:33) **Jackass.**

(11:34) My brother loves those movies, heh. My favorite movie would probably be Frozen.

(11:35) **Thats a kids movie, Birdie.**

(11:36) Your point being...?

(11:37) **I**

(11:38) **Never mind, forget I said anything. This would be a pointless argument.**

(11:39) Indeed it would be.

(11:40) Could you tell me more about Francis and Antonio?

(11:41) **Theyre both idiots.**

(11:42) **I guess I am too.**

(11:42) Heh....But I bet they're good friends, right?

(11:43) **They are my best fucking friends ever. Yes they are.**

(11:44) That's good....

(11:45) I've only had a few friends. Lars and Bella, when they lived here. Yekaterina. And I guess her sister Natalia. As long as I didn't get too close to Ivan.

(11:47) Sadly Ivan wanted to be close to me. He freaked me out. And Natalia threatened to cut my insides. So I kind of just tried to avoid those two. And then Yekaterina moved, and now we're back here. Alone.

(11:48) **Oh....You live in Britain right?**

(11:49) Yeah, couple of miles out of London.

(11:50) **!!!!**

(11:50) **I live *in* London!!!!**

(11:51) Really?

(11:52) **Yeah! This is so cool. Too cool, real cool!**

(11:53) Heh...Indeed, eh?

(11:54) **Birdie, what if we met in real life?**

(11:55) That would actually be kind of neat...I bet you're even more interesting in real life than you are in texting, heh!

(11:56) **I dunno, Im pretty awesome either way.**

(11:57) **So uh.**

(11:57) **We still asking questions?**

(11:58) Sure.

(11:58) **Ok....Opinion on racial rights?**

(11:59) That's an easy question. Equality for all.

(12:00) **What about the LGBTQ community?**

(12:01) See above statement of 'equality for all.'

(12:01) **Oh. Oh wow.**

(12:02) **Oh wow wow okay. Wow.**

(12:03) !?

(12:04) You okay, Gil?

(12:05) **Hahahahahaha yep Im fine.**

(12:06) You don't seem very fine....

(12:07) **Nothing Birdie it is absolutely nothing.**

(12:08) Well...Okay then....

(12:09) You mentioned Francis and Antonio were totally in love with other people? Who?

(12:10) **Antonio is so obviously in love with his little tomato Lovino.**

(12:11) Wait, is Antonio a homosexual?

(12:12) **Exclusively. Why you got a problem with him.**

(12:13) No I was just wondering! I have nothing against it! Continue!

(12:14) **Hahahahahahahahahaha ok. Francis is probably the most pansexual man I have ever met.**

(12:15) Hehehe...Sounds a lot like my cousin. He'd hit on every girl or guy that'd pass by.

(12:16) **Sounds like Francis.**

(12:17) Ironically his name was Francis as well, though I've never called him Franny.

(12:18) **Wow holy shit. Itd be funny if they were the same person haha.**

(12:19) How on earth could you know Francis Bonnefoy and still be friends with him? Hehehe he's a bit too much.

(12:20) **WEHFWGCQGVUHEBVJSCBUEGCPIEGFCHBASHKCGBFKHFEIUGFUIRHGFB**

(12:21) Uh....

(12:22) Gil? Gilly? You okay?

(12:27) **OHMYFUCKINGGODBRB**

.

(12:30) _You better have a good reason for interrupting my beauty sleep thirty minutes too early._

(12:31) **MATTHEW**

(12:31) **DO YOU HAVE A COUSIN**

(12:32) **NAMED MATTHEW**

(12:33) _Oui, poor boy. Why?_

(12:37) **HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT**

(12:38) _I'm assuming you're at football practice with Antonio and you're freaking out._

(12:39) **YESYESYES DO YOU HAVE ANY PICTURES OF MATTHEW**

(12:40) _Just of when he was a bit younger~ He's grown up the past few years, haven't seen him in three._

(12:41) gil i cant believe the coach just set us to the side like that v(ಥ ̯ ಥ)v

(12:42) **I cant believe youre sitting directly next to me and texting in the group chat. Right fucking next to me, bro.**

(12:43) i wanna talk to franny too!!!! (◡‿◡✿)

(12:44) _Please. The emoticons. It's too early in the morning for this._

(12:44) (☉‿☉✿)

(12:45) gil hold my flower (ʘ‿ʘ)ノ✿

(12:46) ✿＼(｡-_-｡ **Kick his ass Toni I got yo flower**

(12:47) _I hate the both of you._

 

.

(12:52) Are you gonna say what's freaking you out?

(12:53) **FRANNYS LAST NAME IS BONNEFOY**

(12:54) Holy shit!

(12:55) That's....Wow!

(12:54) I don't even have words for it! We've been talking about the same Francis!

(12:55) **I** **fucking know right**

(12:56) **Just tell me before I go crazy**

(12:57) **Are you this cute and hesitant and shy in real life or**

(12:58) Well uh....I wouldn't call myself cute? But yeah I'm shy.

(12:59) What makes you think I'm cute?

(1:00) **Just like in a cute puppy way ok**

(1:02) **Ok**

(1:04) **Birdie**

(1:05) **Earth to Birdie**

(1:06) **Matthew**

(1:10) **Mattie**

(1:11) **Im assuming Alfreds there**

(1:12) **See ya.**

(4:42) Sorry about that! Was busy.

(4:43) **Ja I know.**

(4:44) **But now *Im* busy!**

(4:44) Uh oh...Sorry.

(4:47) **Ill txt u l8r ok**

(4:48) Yeah....

Wednesday P.M.

(7:31) **Earth to Birdie, come in Birdie.**

(7:38) When you said 'later' I didn't know you meant a whole day.

(7:39) **Quit your whining and bask in mein awesomeness.**

(7:40) I'm basking in it, I'm basking in it.

(7:41) Gil, do you draw?

(7:43) **Hell yes.**

(7:43) Are you any good?

(7:44) **Hell yes.**

(7:46) I'm trying to draw what I think you look like, but I want to incorporate your name into the drawing. What's your full name if, uh, you don't mind me asking?

(7:47) **Uh**

(7:48) ????

(7:48) **Well**

(7:49) **The awesome me is only embarrassed by this one thing**

(7:50) **My name**

(7:51) **Its the only thing unawesome about me.**

(7:52) It can't be that bad!

(7:53) **Do you promise not to laugh?**

(7:54) **Im fucking trusting you with qualified information.**

(7:55) I swear I won't laugh!

(7:58) **Okay.**

(7:59) **It's Gilbert Wilhelm**

(8:00) That's not too bad!

(8:01) **Wolfgang**

(8:01) **Fritz**

(8:02) **Elizabeth**

(8:03) **Beilschmidt.**

(8:07) I

(8:08) I stand corrected.

(8:09) It is that bad and I'm laughing. I'm a terrible person. I'm sorry.

(8:10) **Im used to it.**

(8:11) So...Your full name is legitimately Gilbert Wilhelm Wolfgang Fritz Elizabeth Beilschmidt?

(8:12) **Grandpa said my parents were expecting a girl.**

(8:13) But...Why not just give you a gender-neutral name? Why....Elizabeth?

(8:14) **I dont fucking know.**

(8:15) **Its better than Luddys name at least.**

(8:16) ???

(8:17) How so?

(8:18) **My parents were hoping it was a girl with him.**

(8:19) **Say hello to Ludwig Anne Beilschmidt.**

(8:20) Pffffffffft

(8:23) I physically cannot

(8:24) At least his is short, Mon Dieu! XD

(8:25) **Hahaha. Whats your full name?**

(8:26) It's just Matthew, I don't have a middle name.

(8:28) Which is why Alfred flaunts his in my face all the time by making sure to write 'Alfred F. Jones'.

(8:29) **Whats his middle name?**

(8:30) Fucking.

(8:31) **Well that sounds...**

(8:32) **Better than mine. I hate to admit it.**

(8:34) Yeah....

(8:35) Guess who's going to be released from the hospital early?

(8:36) **You?**

(8:36) How did you know?

(8:37) **Er....You kind of told me?**

(8:38) Sarcasm, Gil. Sarcasm.

(8:39) Hey, how did you come up with the nickname Prussia?

(8:40) **Well**

(8:44) **I've known my friends for a long time, and a couple of years ago we came up with this really stupid game. Ludwig called Germany just to hang out with Feliciano, who was Italy, and I wanted a German country. No way I was being Austria, because Roderich is from there and he already was Austria, and my trigger-happy cousin and his adopted sister are both from Switzerland and Liechtenstein. Did some research, and lo and behold! There used to be a German country named Prussia.**

(8:45) **Which is why I am so awesomely Prussia.**

(8:46) Heh....Would I be Canada, then?

(8:47) **Yeah sure.**

(8:48) **I heard there's a Prussia in Canada, so....**

(8:49) **I just realized the innuendo in that sentence.**

(8:50) **Eh I dont care.**

(8:51) **Who cares about innuendo anyways.**

(8:52) **Thats what I live for.**

(8:53) I'm concerned for you, Gilbert.

(8:55) **Honestly, you should be.**

(8:56) **There should be a little bit of Prussia in everybody.**

(8:57) Oh my god.

(8:58) **Ha, just kidding.**

(8:59) **Your lungs feeling better?**

(9:00) Lots.

(9:00) **Thats good, Birdie. Dont die on me!**

(9:01) I'm not dying any time soon, Gil.

(9:02) **Let me have my drama moment, dammit.**

(9:03) Heh....So how's Francis?

(9:04) **He totally freaked when he found out it was you I was texting.**

(9:05) **I would have told him more, but I had to protect my junk.**

(9:05) !? Eh!!!

(9:06) **Football practice, Birdie. Im the teams awesome goalie. No goal has ever gotten past me.**

(9:07) Wow, you must be good....I kind of suck at football.

(9:08) But I'm pretty good at hockey, if I do say so myself!

(9:09) **Theres a guy at our school really good at hockey. Two, actually.**

(9:10) **Theyre both scary af. Ivan Braginsky and Berwald something or other.**

(9:11) Berwald?? That's a bit of a strange name.

(9:12) **I know right.**

(9:13) **Got any guesses for my favorite song?**

(9:14) Sadly, no.

(9:15) **How unfortunate.**

(9:16) I've got to go, Gilbert. The doctors have come with needles.

(9:17) **Fight em. Fight em hard, Mattie. Dont let them get to you.**

(9:18) **May my awesomeness bless you with strength.**

(9:19) Send my regards to Alfred if I perish.

Thursday A.M.

(10:18) My butt hurts.

(10:28) **Youre alive!!!**

(10:29) Barely, but enough funny business.

(10:30) I believe I have your favorite song.

(10:31) **Ha, sure. Go on, guess.**

(10:31) Monstaa by Culcha Candela.

(10:32) **Wait**

(10:33) **What?!?!**

(10:34) **How the hell did you guess that!**

(10:35) I found my brother listening to a German band that had that line in it. Bitte-bitte something.

(10:36) It was just a guess, but a lucky one, apparently!

(10:37) Someone has to tell me about their evil ex and all her wrong deeds!

(10:40) **Uggh.**

(10:41) **Fine.**

(10:43) I’m waiting.

(10:48) **Wait longer, I aint discussing this in class.**

.

(6:59) **What ho.**

(6:59) Tell me about your ex. Now.

(7:00) No more postponing! I want to know how terrible you believe they are!

(7:01) What was her name?

(7:02) **Well first thing youve got to know about my ex is that they are the most stuck up stubborn prick in the whole world.**

(7:03) **They think theyre so perfect and flawless and it makes me sick.**

(7:04) You’ve avoided saying her name, I see.

(7:05) Is it Elizabeta? Do you really hate her that badly to not say her name?

(7:06) **Well uh Birdie**

(7:07) **About my ex**

(7:08) **They were kind of a guy so uh**

(7:10) **Birdie?**

(7:13) **I havent scared ya off, have I?**

(7:14) No! No you haven’t!

(7:15) I’m just...Shocked, I guess? You seemed more like a lady’s type of man!

(7:16) **Noooo Birdie youre so very wrong.**

(7:17) So youre a homosexual?

(7:18) **I hate it when they slap sexuality on ya**

(7:19) **Yes, Birdie. Exclusively homosexual. Taste the rainbow and yada yada yada. Not as special as the pan Francis and Antonio, yada yada yada. But to be honest 99% sure Luddy is homo too.**

(7:20) Oh...I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come off as rude.

(7:21) It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about him…

(7:22) **Youve already got me started, no turning back now.**

(7:23) **It was Roderich.**

(7:25) !!!

(7:27) Not this infamous Roderich that I have heard so much about?

(7:28) **The very same prick.**

(7:29) **At first Roderich was probably like one of the best things ever ya know?**

(7:32) **And then came Year 10 where all this drama is everywhere and people are going on dates left and right so I asked Roderich and he said yes and everything was good for a while. Crush for seven years going on a date with me? Hell yes!**

(7:34) **But nooo. Roderich was not at all concerned for my side of the relationship. The relationship seemed to be all me, if you know what I mean. I did all the work, all the kissing, I was the one who started it, all of it.**

(7:35) Did you ever think maybe you were coming off as pushy or clingy…? Or maybe you expected more out of him because you’d liked him for so long…?

(7:36) **Be quiet, Birdie, Im in the middle of a rant right here.**

(7:38) **So I told Roderich exactly what I was thinking, and the ungrateful little snob told me that if it wasnt working for me, for me to just leave him! Stupid aristocrat. Said *I* should break up with *him* so then I would look like the bad guy!**

(7:39) I’m not really sure that was his intent, Gilbert.

(7:40) **Silence, virgin potato.**

(7:40) !?

(7:42) **So after a few months of unstable fighting and drama and the whole school practically knew of this, Roderich finally broke it off and said I was an immature jerk who tried to come onto him way too much and didnt give him space. Like hell!**

(7:43) **And not even a month after all that, he starts going out with Elizabeta! The nerve of that jerk! And then he tries to rub it in my face!**

(7:45) Wow. I wasn’t there, so I can’t say much, but….It did kind of sound like maybe just maybe this might have been your fault too?

(7:46) **You and Franny sound the same. You really are cousins.**

(7:47) I’m just trying to tell you the way it sounds from an outsider’s point of view!

(7:48) **Okay so maybe I was a tiny tiny bit clingy.**

(7:49) **But still. Rubbing Elizabeta in my face was the lowest of the low.**

(7:50) Well...You have to have some good memories with Roderich, right?

(7:51) **The worst outnumber the best.**

(7:52) **But ja, I guess he kind of sort of helped me out with the flute.**

(7:53) **And bought me tickets to a concert.**

(7:54) **And got me this phone.**

(7:55) **And maybe uh a car.**

(7:56) Mon Dieu!

(7:57) **But everything else sucked. Everything else was bad very bad.**

(7:58) He must be filthy rich…! A car and a phone…! And he didn’t want it back after breaking up with you?

(7:59) **He said I could keep it because ‘sentimental value.’**

(8:00) **Stupid prick.**

(8:01) You're making it sound worse than it really is, to be honest with you.

(8:02) **No. No Roderich is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.**

(8:03) **He still has the nerve to text me like us breaking up never happened or anything.**

(8:04) You are ridiculous. Maybe he's trying to be nice, Gil!

(8:05) **You and Franny said the same exact thing and its scaring me.**

(8:06) ._.

(8:06) I just realized you're a bit of an idiot...

(8:07) **This convo is taking a turn for the depressing. Moving on, Birdie?**

(8:08) I would but I've actually got to get going soon. See you, Gilbert.

(8:09) **Bye!!!!!**

.

(8:20) _ **You left your science homework within the chemistry lab. Would you like it if I returned it to you?**_

(8:20) **Screw off, Roddy.**

(8:21) _ **A year of this and you would have thought by now you would mature at least a fragment. Do you want the homework, yes or no?**_

(8:22) **What loser *wants* to do homework anyways?!**

(8:23) _**Perhaps someone without the intent of failing every single class possible. You're, what, barely scraping 'Acceptable' in everything?**_

(8:24) **For your information I have an E in two classes. Two.**

(8:25) _ **I would rather not guess as to what those classes are.**_

(8:26) _ **Oh, Antonio just happens to be passing by. I shall tell him to deliver this to you. Good day, Gilbert.**_

(8:27) **Hey!!! You cant just talk to me like that then pass off with a 'good day!' Prick.**

(8:28) _**Just talking to you sometimes is going to give me gray hair early, Gilbert. Everything I do just has to be instigating a fight with you.**_

(8:29) _**If you really want a fight, I believe I could call upon Elizabeta. She would be more than delighted to tell you first-hand how her frying pan feels.**_

(8:30) **Oh, you wanna go?! You wanna let a girl fight for you?! Lets go, Roddy!**

(8:31) _**Oh dear.**_

(8:34) _**She says meet her near the girl's bathroom on the second floor west corridor. Bring nothing. Fists only.**_

(8:35) **Shes goin down!**

(8:36) _**Sigh...Barbarians.**_

Friday P.M.

(7:01) Gilbert?

(7:02) Hello?

(7:07) Are you sick or something?

(7:12) Did you text and get your phone taken up?

(7:13) I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow, then?....

(7:15) Good bye.


	5. Five

Sunday P.M.

(8:27) **Birdie.**

(8:28) **My reputation.**

(8:29) **Its bleeding**.

(8:30) What?

(8:31) You don’t respond for a couple of days and you say your rep is bleeding.

(8:32) **I got my ass handed to me.**

(8:32) **By Elizabeta.**

(8:33) Let me just.

(8:34) Laugh. For a minute.

(8:35) **You are harsh and cruel.**

(8:36) Well I’m assuming you must have done /something/ to make her mad at you!

(8:37) **That woman is always mad at me.**

(8:38) With the stories you tell me, she always has a reason to be.

(8:39) **Whos side are you on!?**

(8:40) Team Gilbert, but Elizabeta always seems to have a reason to be mad.

(8:41) **You are so rooting for Team Elizabeta.**

(8:42) **I am wounded, Birdie.**

(8:43) So, let me guess, you’re in the hospital and have been unable to text me because something important is damaged.

(8:44) **My left wrist. Which is why I couldnt text you**.

(8:45) **She so did that on purpose.**

(8:46) Wait, you’re left-handed? And also just your wrist?

(8:48) **My right leg too. And fractured my ankle. Yes I am awesomely left-handed.**

(8:49) **But I gave her a fractured tailbone so ha.**

(8:50) **But then we have suspension. For fighting.**

(8:51) Oh...That’s too bad…

(8:52) **But enough chit chat.**

(8:53) **I have a seriously important question to ask you.**

(8:54) **My awesomeness demands an answer.**

(8:55) ???

(8:58) **I was looking at all the past texts weve texted and I saw when I asked if those tulips were from a girlfriend you said something like that and then you said no when I asked boyfriend and then when I asked well who you said he moved away.**

(8:59) ***He.***

(9:00) **So Lars was something like a girlfriend?**

(9:01) Oh.

(9:02) Well.

(9:03) Shit.

(9:04) Lars was just.

(9:05) It was only a few weeks.

(9:06) I used to be bullied a lot, but he helped me out, and he gave me tulips.

(9:07) I was kind of sort of depressed for a while.

(9:08) But every month he sends me twenty-four tulips. It kind of lights everything up a little when I’m reminded that all those nice times weren’t just a hallucination, but they actually happened. That someone noticed me.

(9:09) **I**

(9:10) **Be right back**

(9:11)???

(9:13) **Im back.**

(9:14) What did you do?

(9:15) **I had to punch a wall to feel manly again.**

(9:16) **But I think I just fractured my other wrist so.**

(9:17) Mon dieu.

(9:18) This is why we can’t have nice things, Gil.

(9:19) **Ja ja ja I know, Luddy already told me.**

(9:20) And he had every right to do do so.

(9:28) Gil?

(9:50) **Sorry, was eating. The hospital food is better than school food.**

(9:51) **I dont know why. It just is.**

(9:52) Is it soup surprise?

(9:53) **BETTER.**

(9:54) **Meatloaf surprise.**

(9:55) I would probably not eat that.

(9:56) **Too late.**

(9:57) **Im about to engage in a food fling war with Elizabeta. Later.**

(9:58) !? Do you WANT to get yourself killed?!

(10:12) **Im back.**

(10:14) How was the food fling war?

(10:15) **It was cut short and we endured ten minutes of the head nurse screaming at us.**

(10:16) Sounds like fun.

(10:17) Oh mon dieu.

(10:18) **What.**

(10:19) I just now realized you meant to send the text about masturbating to Roderich.

(10:20) So….Dear lordy.

(10:21) Are you even a virgin?

(10:22) **Wtf happened this conversation was so normal.**

(10:23) **Still a virgin, dont you worry your horses, Birdie.**

(10:24) **Shit now I feel the need to jerk off.**

(10:25) **Too bad both my wrists are broken.**

(10:26) I did not need to know that.

(10:27) **Well too fucking late.**

(10:28) Now I’m getting….

(10:29) Shit.

(10:30) **Are you getting turned on**

(10:31) No I’m getting another shot

(10:32) **Oh shit no**

(10:34) Gil, if I die tonight, I need you to deliver my body unto the holy maple tree and scatter my ashes in the wind.

(10:35) **Be brave, soldier**.

Monday A.M.

(7:34) I’M OUT OF THE HOSPITAL, I’M A FREE MAN

(7:35) PRAISE THE MAPLE LEAF

(7:36) SING HALLELUJAH

(7:37) **Yes yes that is nice news but IT IS SEVEN IN THE FUCKING MORNING I HAD ANOTHER TWENTY MINUTES TO SLEEP**

(7:38) Not anymore.

Monday P.M.

(9:28) **Birdie.**

(9:29) **Birdie Birdie oh Birdie.**

(9:30) **Birdie.**

(9:31) I’m tired from being up all day what do you want.

(9:32) **Revenge, dear Birdie.**

(9:33) I’d comment on the irony of the situation if I wasn’t so tired.

(9:34) **Ha.**

Tuesday P.M.

(5:13) **Birdie what is your dream guy.**

(5:14) Blond, fabulous, sparkling eyes, good fashion sense.

(5:15) **You have just described Feliks Łukasiewicz. Congratulations.**

(5:16) Wait what?

(5:17) **I dont even know Birdie. I dont even know.**

(5:18) I wasn’t even being serious, I was joking.

(5:19) There is a legit guy with blond hair, sparkling eyes, fabulous with a good fashion sense?

(5:20) **Feliks.**

(5:21) **That thing youre describing.**

(5:22) **Its called a Feliks.**

(5:23) I never knew such a thing existed.

(5:24) I have been amazed.

(5:25) And what may be your dream man, young padawan?

(5:26) **I feel as if I should understand that reference but, no clue.**

(5:27) **My dream guy would probs be like….**

(5:29) **Cute and funny and shy at the same time and pretty eyes and like really soft hair so I can pet him all the time but is actually secretly badass and is like super awesome but not as awesome as me.**

(5:30) I was going to create a witty reply but I realized I had none.

(5:31) **Basically a summary of my life right there.**

(5:32) **Except I actually create witty replies.**

(5:33) That does not make any sense.

(5:34) **I know.**

(5:35) **Whats the best feeling in the world?**

(5:36) Uh

(5:37) Freshly powdered snow, probably. Or the feeling of maple syrup being drizzled over pancakes.

(5:38) **Not sure about that last one but okay.**

(5:39) What about you?

(5:40) **Soft kitty.**

(5:41) Warm kitty.

(5:41) Little ball of fur.

(5:42) Happy Kitty, Sleepy Kitty

(5:43) **FUCKING PURR PURR PURR**

(5:44) **HAHAHAHAHAHA I LOVE THAT SHOW**

(5:45) Who doesn’t?

(5:46) **Unawesome people.**

(5:47) **Birdie, your awesomeness has increased by .0005 percent. Congratulations.**

(5:48) Thank you, Lord Gilbert.

(5:49) **Any time.**

Wednesday A.M.

(6:23) I know it's early in the morning but please.

(6:24) Some help would be nice.

(6:28) **Im up Im up Im awake Im awake whats happening.**

(6:29) Oh mon dieu.

(6:30) I think there’s an intruder in my house.

(6:31) **?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT**

(6:32) I’m scared. I want to call the police but I’m stuttering too much.

(6:33) Why can’t we text the police?

(6:34) **HOLY SHIT BIRDIE**

(6:35) **PLEASE DONT DIE**

(6:36) **I STILL HAVE TO SHARE MY AWESOME TALES WITH YOU TO PASS ON TO YOUR GRANDCHILDREN**

(6:37) **OF A GREAT MAN YOU ONCE KNEW NAMED GILBERT WILHELM WOLFGANG FRITZ ELIZABETH BEILSCHMIDT**

(6:42) **Birdie?**

(6:47) False alarm. It was just Alfred sneaking in the kitchen trying to get some burgers while everyone else is asleep.

(6:48) **Burgers, huh?**

(6:49) **Also, DONT FUCKING MAKE ME WORRY LIKE THAT.**

(6:50) **YOU ARE THE ONLY GODDAMN PERSON ON THE PLANET I CAN TALK TO ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS BECAUSE I DONT KNOW YOU.**

(6:51) Er…Why?

(6:52) **I feel as if I can spill all my secrets to a stranger. But no my best friends.**

(6:53) I am sure they are offended.

(6:54) **Nah they dont care.**

(6:57) **Gdi I should probably go back to sleep but you fucking woke me up.**

(6:58) How about we just talk to classes start?

(6:59) **Great fucking idea, and the nominees are Leonardo diCaprio, Leonardo diCaprio, and Leonardo diCaprio.**

(7:00) **AND THE WINNER IS MATTHEW WILLIAMS!!!**

(7:01) I can’t figure out if that’s sarcasm or not.

(7:02) **I’ll leave that up to you to decide.**

(7:03) Wah wah, drama king.

(7:04) **Less drama, more king.**

(7:05) Less king, more drama. Drama llama.

(7:06) **You did not just associate me with a lame llama.**

(7:07) I did.

(7:08) **Fuck you birdie. Im too awesome for this shit.**

(7:09) Ha, I bet you are.

(7:10) **Hold on, Frannys bitching and complaining because I just laughed and woke him up.**

(7:11) Oh dear.

(7:12) **Ttyl.**

(7:13) Good bye, Gilbert.

Wednesday P.M.

(6:31) Gilbert?

(6:34) Hello?

(6:36) Mon dieu…

(6:39) I am insanely bored. There is nothing to do in this house.

(6:44) Gilbert when I am bored I start singing.

(6:46) The Krusty Krab pizza

(6:47) Is the pizza

(6:48) For you and me

(6:49) The Krusty Krab pizza

(6:50) Is the pizza.

(6:51) Now I’m bored again.

Thursday P.M.

**  
  
**

(5:14) Gilbert.

(5:17) Gilbert.

(5:18) Gilbert this is becoming a problem.

(5:19) I’m going to kill you if you don’t ever message me again.

(5:24) I am highly trained in hockey-fu.

(5:30) That should be a real martial art, actually.

(5:35) I am a genius.

(5:40) Wait.

(5:41) Aren’t you in suspension?

(5:42) Oh mon dieu.

(5:43) I guess you won’t be answering until Saturday…

(5:47) I’m going to die of boredom.

(5:50) GILBERT WILHELM WOLFGANG FRITZ ELIZABETH BEILSCHMIDT YOU COULD AT LEAST STEAL YOUR PHONE BACK

(5:51) No no I’m kidding.

(5:52) Oh my god.

(5:53) Don’t do drugs.

(5:58) This is the monster I become when I’m bored, un fucking believable.


	6. Six

Saturday A.M.

(4:13)  **BIRDIE ARE YOU STRAIGHT**

(4:14) No

(4:14) **Youre lying to me.**

(4:15) Ah yes, I am indeed straight.

(4:16) Thank you for accepting me for who I am, Gilbert.

(4:17)  **Why youre welcome Mattie dear.**

(4:18) You have made my journey to coming out to my parents so much easier.

(4:19) You are a blessing.

(4:20)  **Youre making me blush.**

(4:21) Thank you for helping me, Gil. It’s been magnificent.

(4:22) I’ve been wondering how to tell my family I’m straight and now…

(4:23) And now I think I can.

(4:24) **Youre ever so fucking welcome Birdie.**

(4:25) What the hell is this conversation even about?

(4:28) **Idk I had a point to asking that to make a dashing return from the dead but it was all lost when you said no.**

(4:29) Were you expecting me to say straight???

(4:30) **Well duh everybody else does.**

(4:31) I try not to lie.

(4:32)  **Hahaha.**

(4:33)  **Wait hey Birdie have you told your parents your gay?**

(4:34) *Pan.

(4:35)  **Oh what fucking ever.**

(4:36) Yeah they know...They actually found out about Alfred first.

(4:38) **What?! We *BOTH* have bros who are totally gay? Were more alike than we thought!**

(4:39) Wait Ludwig is tasting the rainbow?

(4:41)  **He says otherwise but hes so in the closet like um one does not get turned gay by that cute lil Italian hes always running around with like come on man stop lying embrace your inner gay**

(4:42) Has he ever had dates before?

(4:43)  **This one chick named Francine in like the sixth grade**

(4:44)  **But we dont talk about Francine.**

(4:45) So maybe Ludwig’s bisexual?

(4:46)  **No no hes gay.**

(4:47) If you’re sure…

(4:48) **I** **mothered the shit out of Luddy he is a perfect human being**

(4:49)  **And gay**

(4:50)  **Like brother like brother**

(4:50)  **Saving people, hunting things, the family business.**

(4:51) I feel as if I should understand that reference.

(4:52) **What the fuck how do you not know Supernatural.**

(4:53)  **Like 99% of the school watches it.**

(4:55) What is it about?

(4:55) **Gays**

(4:56) What really!?

(4:57) **lol no.**

(4:58) Oh.

(4:59) **Its fucking epic tho.**

(5:00)  **Like the eleventh season just started airing and asderefaorigfbwngjk.**

(5:01) What does that even mean?

(5:02)  **Happiness.**

(5:03) Of course.

(5:04) Well if we’re talking about shows have you seen Sherlock?

(5:05) **Whats that.**

(5:07) Oh.

(5:07) My.

(5:07) God.

(5:08) **Im assuming me not knowing what that is is a sin.**

(5:09) Gilbert do you have Netflix.

(5:10)  **Netflix n chill, bro.**

(5:11) Gilbert young man you will watch Sherlock young man or you’re grounded for a week.

(5:12)  **Wtf no.**

(5:13)  **I have football practice tonight**.

(5:14) Why not just have done it earlier?

(5:16)  **Because its fucking London and it rained so now were postponing it till eight where the air will be cooler and hopefully the ground harder.**

(5:17) Oh.

(5:18)  **So anyways like you said earlier Alfred is gay?**

(5:19) He’s actually bi.

(5:20)  **You and your exact sexualities why cant just everyone be gay.**

(5:21)  **Hes gay, shes gay, its gay, thats gay, theyre gay, theyre all gay.**

(5:22) Because the world isn’t like that, Gil.

(5:23) **Well fuck.**

(5:24) But yeah, Alfred is bisxeual.

(5:25) Remember how I said he broke up with his ex and then got back together with him?

(5:26)  **The shit they should sell to Disney?**

(5:27) Yeah.

(5:28) Well when Alfred was sixteen and Arthur twenty they started dating and Arthur was kind of mild he wasnt overly gentlemanly and polite but fairly so but he was also kind of crazy.

(5:29) But then Arthur graduated and he started doing all this bad shit.

(5:30) Starting fights, smoking, alcohol. He got arrested like three times.

(5:31)  **I have found a new role model.**

(5:32) It’s not funny, he was really bad and rude and plain out abusive!

(5:33)  **Take a chill dildo Birdie.**

(5:34) ***pill wtf.**

(5:35) I’m going to ignore that.

(5:37) That went on like that for like three months and Alfred broke up with him after he gave him three chances to clean up his act. His departing words were ‘it’s not me its you.’

(5:38)  **Hahahahahahaha.**

(5:41) We didn’t hear from Arthur again for like, two years. He just suddenly disappeared off planet Earth. Just after Alfred turned nineteen this summer Arthur suddenly came back twenty three and bright and shiny and clean and gentlemanly and a stick in the mud.

(5:43) **Thats one of the biggest fucking character developments in the history of ever.**

(5:45) Anyways Arthur apparently had no expectation of Alfred to come running back to him but after two months they got back together again. Hip hip hurray.

(5:46)  **Whats Arthur like now?**

(5:47) He’s taken out all his piercings but he still has this one tattoo and basically hes a stereotypical British gentleman.

(5:48)  **Well then.**

(5:50)  **Alfred must really have like the patience of a god or something or the forgiveness or whatever the fuck cuz I aint taken back no ex of mine that does that shit.**

(5:51) That’s what Alfred said, heh….But I guess maybe they’re meant to be.

(5:52)  **Hey no chick flick moments.**

(5:53)  **Reconsider selling this shit to Disney**.

(5:54)  **Might not be kid appropriate.**

(5:55) Ya think.

(5:59)  **Anyways Birdie I gotta go eat dinner.**

(6:00) **BYE!**

(6:01) Bye! :)

Sunday A.M.

(8:30)  _Mon ami._

(8:31)  _Guys._

(8:34) _Get your asses up._

(8:42) franny its too early!!! (◕︵◕)

(8:43)  _Revenge, dear Toni._

(8:44)  **Hahahahahahahahaha.**

(8:45) what are you laughing for gil???? (●´ω｀●)

(8:46)  **Nothing, Toni. Inside joke.**

(8:47)  **Seriously Franny why the fuck did you wake us up.**

(8:48) i was having a good dream about romanito!!!!≧◡≦

(8:49)  **That sounds disturbing.**

(8:50) (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

(8:52)  _You are probably wondering why I have gathered you here today._

(8:53) no shit sherlock…ᇂﮌᇂ)

(8:54)  _Antonio, shut the fuck up for a second._

(8:55) _We have important matters to discuss-_

(8:56) _Gilbert._

(8:57)  **What why me.**

(8:59)  _Because your growing obsession with my little cousin Matthieu is beginning to seriously concern me._

(9:00)  **Wtf are you talking about Im not obsessed with him.**

(9:01) yes you are

(9:01)  _Yes you are._

(9:02)  **No Im not and Toni youre just being a filthy hypocrite.**

(9:03) maybe but at least we know lovi in person!!! (~￣▽￣)~

(9:04)  _You were pining all practice yesterday to talk to Matthew._

(9:05)  **Toni you filthy traitor!**

(9:06) im sorry he promised me tomatoes!!!! (ノ・ω・)ノ

(9:07)  **I thought our friendship meant more to you, Toni. The wall god is displeased.**

(9:08)  _What the fuck?_

(9:10)  **None of you watch…? Nevermind. I’m wasting my time with you fools.**

(9:11)  _Hey fools is my word!_

(9:12)  **Fool, it is mine!**

(9:13)  _I’ve said it for way longer, fool!_

(9:15) FOOLS!!!

(9:16)  **SHUT UP TONI**

(9:16)  _Shut up Toni!_

(9:17) (◕︿◕✿)

(9:18) _Have you ever considered the fact you might be falling in love with dear Matthew?_

(9:19)  **NO! NO IM NOT!**

(9:20) **I AM NOT FALLING IN LOVE WITH MATTHEW I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT HE LOOKS LIKE**

(9:21) (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

Monday P.M.

(8:58) **Sorry for not texting Franny took my phone away from me.**

(9:04) Do I even want to know?

(9:05)  **He said its whats going to happen if my grades dont improve.**

(9:06)  **Hes like my fucking mother.**

(9:07) Heh that sounds just like Francis.

(9:08) Except a bit kinder.

(9:09) **?**

(9:10) He was a total douche that last time I saw him.

(9:11) Hed take stuff away from me until my grades got better but he was a lot meaner about it.

(9:12)  **Frannys always been nice tho. Maybe hes just mean to you?**

(9:13) He can be nice to to be honest I think Alfred just gets his temper flared.

(9:14)  **Ha, Franny doesnt talk about Alfred nearly as much as he does you.**

(9:15) I’ve always been the favorite.

(9:15) **I can see why lmfao**

(9:16) **Maybe he disapproved of Arthur**

(9:17) That was before Arthur went all whacky and shit.

(9:18)  **Maybe he still disapproved of Arthur.**

(9:19) They never got along…

(9:20) **I seriously have to ask Francis if he has any pics of you because omfg I seriously want to fucking know what you look like!**

(9:23) That’s a bit creepy though!

(9:24)  **No its not!**

(9:25)  **Its normal!**

(9:26)  **I want to see the face of someone who makes me smile a shit ton during the day!**

(9:30)  **That sounded straighter in my head.**

(9:31) I’m laughing too hard.

(9:32)  **You are a horrible person.**

(9:33) Yes, I know.

(9:34)  **Ok so basically you already know me and Franny but like Toni is dying to meet you.**

(9:35) Whats Toni like?

(9:36) **Not the sharpest tool in the shed.**

(9:37)  **His brains must have been flushed down the toilet years ago.**

(9:38) Return Of The Concerning Toilet.

(9:39) **Part three.**

(9:42) The toilet’s back….And it’s PERSONAL.

(9:43)  **Can Gilbert Wilhelm Wolfgang Fritz Elizabeth Beilschmidt defeat him in time?**

(9:44)  **With his trusty sidekick Matthew Williams?**

(9:45) What why am I the sidekick why can’t I be the antagonist?

(9:46)  **Because then youd be the toilet.**

(9:47) I’ve always wanted to be a toilet.

(9:48) **Are you transbathroom?**

(9:49) I might be. It never felt right being a urinal.

(9:50)  **I wish you luck on your journey to becoming a toilet.**

(9:51) Thank you, lieutenant Gilbert Wilhelm Wolfgang Fritz Elizabeth Beilschmidt.

Wednesday P.M.

(1:28) Gilbert?

(1:34) Oh I forgot you’re in class right about now.

(2:18) **Nope Im here I just had Phys Ed**

(2:22) Oh

(2:25)  **But I cant talk at all today or tomorrow that long bc I have important shit to do**

(2:26) Like what?

(2:28) **They decided last minute they wanted me to compete in tournament**

(2:29) Tournament for what?

(2:30)  **Flute.**

(2:31) Such a manly event.

(2:33)  **Shut up and go sniff your flowers, Tulip Man.**

Friday A.M.

(9:53)  _ **So you’re going to perform in the concert today, yes?**_

(9:54) **Dont talk to me, Roddy.**

(9:55)  _ **It was a simple and legitimate question that did not require such hostility, Gilbert.**_

(9:56)  **Oh what fucking ever you prick.**

(9:57) **_Some things never change, do they?_**

(9:58) **Roddy, why are you even texting me? Dont you have some lame piano performance shit to do?**

(9:59) **_The piano session is after the clarinets. Please pay attention, Gilbert._**

(10:00)  **Why dont you pay attention how much I care!**

(10:01)  **Oh wait I DONT!!**

(10:02)  _ **I’m just trying to be nice to you and you would think by now we would have gotten over all shenanigans from the past.**_

(10:03) **So thats what I was? A shenanigan? A mark of dirt on your clean vanilla record?**

(10:04) _**I never said that. I don’t blame you for me getting suspended-**_

(10:05)  _ **I take full responsibility for the paint spray incident.**_

(10:06) _**You aren’t a blemish on my ‘vanilla record’ Gilbert. You were an experience.**_

(10:07) **Oh, Im an experience now? Just an experiment for your ‘bi phase?!’**

(10:08)  _ **You are so thick headed. I didn’t mean it like that.**_

(10:09)  _ **You’re up next. Break a leg.**_

(10:10)  **Break your neck.**

Friday P.M.

(8:03) Hey Gilbert, you still awake?

(8:59) **Sorry I was doing something with Luddy.**

(9:00) What? Why?

(9:02) **As much as I love our wonderful conversations together I am still an awesome big brother who has to embarass his little one at all times.**

(9:03) You sound like an awful big brother.

(9:04)  **What the fuck are you talking about I am the shit.**

(9:05) Yeah, whatever you say, Gil.

(9:06)  **Ok so do you want to meet Toni n shit because theyre not leaving me the hell alone**

(9:07) They keep bothering you about it?

(9:08)  **A slightly negative and slightly positive trait we all possess is persistency**

(9:09) Ah. That explains a lot.

(9:11)  **So anyways...They totally want to do a group chat with you.**

(9:12) Will there be pancakes?

(9:13) **Yes.**

(9:14) Well, I’m in, then.

(9:15) **Sweeeet!**

(9:18) **Guys Birdie is here now!**

(9:19)  _Again with the Sesame Street kink name?_

(9:20)  **Stfu.**

(9:21) Uh, hi.

(9:22)  _Matthieu~! How are you, mon cher?_

(9:23) Pretty good, you?

(9:24) _I’m doing wonderful, thank you. How’s your brother?_

(9:25) He’s back together with Arthur now!

(9:26)  _Oh._

(9:27)  _Is he?_

(9:28)  **Yo guys Im still here.**

(9:29)  _Mon ami, let us catch up together._

(9:30)  **Can ya do that privately?**

(9:31) awww is gil jealous???? (・∀・ )

(9:32)  **TONI I THOUGHT YOU WERE ASLEEP**

(9:33) Nice to meet you, Toni.

(9:34) same mi amigo!!! ＼（○＾ω＾○）／

(9:35) I’ve heard a lot about you both!

(9:36) saaaame Ｏ(≧▽≦)Ｏ

(9:37)  _Gil won’t shut up about you!_

(9:38) he calls you his sweet birdie! ★~(◠ω◕✿)

(9:39)  **I DO NOT YALL ARE MAKING SHIT UP**

(9:40) Defensive response is defensive.

(9:41) **Shut up, Birdie.**

(9:44) **Im exhausted as shit. Good night guys. Dont be poisoning Birdies mind.**

(9:45)  _Did that years ago, too late, mon cher._

(9:46)  **Ha. Ha. Ha.**

(9:47)  **Shut up.**

 


	7. Seven

Saturday P.M.

(8:43)  **Birdie.**

(8:44)  **Birdie.**

(8:45)  **Hey Birdie.**

(8:45) I've been summoned.

(8:46)  **Yeah sorry for not talking Ive been like super super busy.**

(8:47) You did something to Elizabeta didn't you.

(8:48)  **Am I that transparent.**

(8:49) No, I am just a seer of the future.

(8:50)  **But if youre a seer of the future how can you know something I did in the past.**

(8:51) Because I predicted you would do this hours ago when that was still part of the future.

(8:52) **I guess that makes sense.**

(8:53) I always make sense.

(8:54)  **No you dont.**

(8:55) You have caught me in a lie.

(8:56) **Youre going to fucking jail, Birdie.**

(8:57) You'll never take me alive.

(8:58)  **Watch me.**

(8:59) I shudder in fear of your overwhelming power.

(9:00) **As you should.**

(9:01) Where is this conversation going again?

(9:02) **Idk Birdie I just wanted to say hey.**

(9:03) Well you've said hey.

(9:04) **Indeed I have.**

(9:05) And I have homework to do now.

(9:06)  **Wait, youre in school now?**

(9:07) In a sense, yes. Homeschooled.

(9:08) My 'homework' is just chores.

(9:09)  **Oh ok.**

(9:10)  **Well.**

(9:11) **This awkward.**

(9:12) Yes, it is...

(9:13) **Hows life?**

(9:14) Uh, it's good, I guess...

(9:15) A little slow....What about you?

(9:17) **Im fine, Franny and Toni and I are probably going to a dorm party tomorrow.**

(9:18) Oh. Tell me how that goes?

(9:19)  **Ja sure....**

(9:20) Awkward.

(9:21)  **Yep.**

Sunday A.M.

(8:18)  **BIRDIE**

(8:19)  **BIRDIE YES OMG BIRDIE I TOTALLY KNEW IT I AM THE MOST AMAZING BIG BROTHER TO HAVE EVER EXISTED ON THE PLANET HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE**

(8:20) What!?

(8:21)  **OK SO YEAH YOU KNOW HOW I SAID THE OTHER DAY LUDDY IS TOTALLY GAY**

(8:22) Yes...?

(8:23) **WELL HE IS BECAUSE HES LIKE OFFICIALLY GOING OUT WITH FELI NOW SO YAS I TOTALLY KNEW IT**

(8:24) That's good! What's Feli like?

(8:26) **You would never guess they were bfffs. Theyre like polar opposites almost. Luddy is hard-faced and seems stone cold and diligent and all that shit. Feli is bright and happy and bubbly and bouncy and loud and always in a good mood. They got some things in common-football, cooking, animals-but a lot of people would never guess they would hang out with each other.**

(8:27) Wow, they're that different?

(8:28) **Yep! Theyve got this third friend, Kiku Honda, whos totally quiet and 'respectful.' Real anime nerd. Theyre an odd trio but theyve got a really good friendship. Not as fucking awesome as me and Franny and Toni but theyre up there in that league.**

(8:29) Well, that's good.

(8:30) Alfred's sort of got his own little clique here too, and Arthur does too, but they're a bit different.

(8:31)  **?**

(8:32) Alfred hangs around with the school jocks and stuff, and Arthur's really only got two friends, both which are younger than him, they're a year above Alfred in school. They've got a 'magic club.'

(8:33) **Do they smoke weed?**

(8:34) What!? No!!!

(8:35) **What a shame.**

(8:36) Gilbert, just...NO!

(8:37)  **Calm your man titties, Birdie, Im not being serious.**

(8:38) You better not be, or I'll beat your ass with a hockey stick.

(8:39) **Oooh. Violent.**

(8:40) **Wait you play hockey?**

(8:41) I used to...But now, I'm not sure if they'll let me play again.

(8:42)  **Thats so fucking ratchet. Are you any good?**

(8:43) Hella.

(8:44) **Youre lying.**

(8:46) Gilbert, I am a mostly modest man. When I say 'hella' when you ask how good I am at something I mean business.

(8:47) **Yeah whatever.**

(8:48)  **Question: how tall are you?**

(8:49) Maybe like....Five foot nine and a half?

(8:50)  **HA SHORTIE!**

(8:51) What!?

(8:52) **Im five foot eleven and a half. BEAT THAT.**

(8:52) Well, Alfred is a whole inch and a half shorter than you. For some reason I imagined you as five foot seven.

(8:52)  **Im offended.**

(8:53) WAIT A MINUTE.

(8:53) You said Ludwig was taller than you. So how freaking tall is Ludwig?

(8:54) **Little Luddy is proudly six foot two.**

(8:55) That's

(8:56) That's not little

(8:57)  **You shut your mouth.**

(8:58) Why do you even refer to him as 'Little Luddy?'

(8:59) In my view of heights, six foot two is not little.

(9:00)  **Well you can go and flush your view down the toilet.**

(9:01)  **Damn it that was unintentional.**

(9:02)  **You can take your view and....Stuff it....down a.....**

(9:03)  **Toilet?**

(9:04)  **NO NOT A TOILET**

(9:05) Down your throat...?

(9:06) **Yeah that sounds good.**

(9:07) Oh mon Dieu.

(9:08) Why do you automatically refer things to a toilet?

(9:09)  **Well maybe I have a shitty life, and I need a toilet to flush all that shit away.**

(9:10) That was both deep and disgusting.

(9:11)  **Thank you, Birdie. I try to be philosophical when I can.**

(9:12) You're welcome, Gil.

(9:21) You busy?

(9:27)  **Yeah sorry I just have a lot of homework to catch up on since I missed school for suspension.**

(9:28) You actually do your homework?

(9:29)  **Uh yeah you have to have fucking good grades to stay in this school**

(9:30) I thought you didn't do work....

(9:33)  **Well obviously I was lying to make myself look cooler because in reality I am a nerd an absolute nerd who raised his brother to be a nerd as well and really Im a dork is what other people say.**

(9:34) You were more willing to admit that than I thought.

(9:35) You're a nerd just for doing your homework?

(9:36)  **No no see**

(9:38) **I like Star Wars and classic rock and anime and computer games and running blogs but at the same time football and video games and hiking and shit**

(9:39) **Im a semi-nerd in my definition**

(9:40)  **But Luddy is secretly a huge nerd too**

(9:41) **He has all the Percy Jackson, Maze Runner, Hunger Games, Divergent, etc., he has all of those books**

(9:42)  **And a Star Trek poster**

(9:43)  **But no one is allowed to see that**

(9:44)  **Were like closet nerds**

(9:45) Is it bad I laughed I'm sorry.

(9:46) I never really took you or Ludwig as the nerdy type...!

(9:47)  **Well**

(9:48) **I never took you as the hockey type**

(9:49) Yeah no one ever does.

(9:50) They think it's just all Alfred when it comes to sports.

(9:51) **What kind of sports does he play?**

(9:53) American football back when we lived in America for a couple of years, now sometimes he plays basketball, but not so often. He used to play hockey with me, which he's not as good as me, but he's decent.

(9:58)  **Ah yes I want to stay to chat more but both Franny and Luddy are about to team up and get onto my ass about completing my schoolwork**

(9:59)  **Au revoir**

(10:00) Bye!

Monday P.M.

(5:13) Hey Gil!

(5:14)  **Hello and welcome to Gilbert's sex line! We love stuffing our sausages in your buns!**

(5:14) WHAT!?

(5:15)  **wehfbajjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjgshfw,we**

(5:16) **BIRDIE MY FRIEND HERACLES JUST TOOK MY PHONE IM SORRY**

(5:17)  **IM SO SORRY**

(5:19) Give me a moment.

(5:20) So I can laugh.

(5:21) **I hate you.**

(5:22) No Gilbert, you love me, for you are still texting me.

(5:23)  **Oh shut up Birdie.**

Tuesday P.M.

(4:28)  **Im bored.**

(4:31) That's nice.

(4:32)  **Help me ease my boredom.**

(4:33) I'm feeling frankly evil today.

(4:34)  **Dont leave me hanging, Birdie.**

(4:35) Okay fine I'll stay.

(4:36)  **Aw yes.**

(4:37)  **Twenty questions?**

(4:38) Why 20 Questions?

(4:39)  **I love playing that. I told you Im good at guessing.**

(4:40) Okay fine.

(4:42) **Is it a mineral, object, person, animal, or food?**

(4:43) Food.

(4:44)  **Is it a vegetable?**

(4:45) Nope.

(4:46)  **A fruit?**

(4:47) Yeah.

(4:48)  **This is gonna be easy.**

(4:49) Yeah probably my item isn't too hard to guess.

(4:50)  **Youre a killjoy.**

(4:51) **Is it used in fruit salad?**

(4:52) Yes. I think.

(4:53) **Is it red?**

(4:54) Yep.

(4:55)  **Is it an apple? Shinigami like them!**

(4:56) What?

(4:57)  **What**

(4:58) Ignoring comment about shini-whatever, no, it's not an apple.

(4:59) **Is it a cherry?**

(5:00) Yes.

(5:01)  **I WIN MOTHERFUCKER**

(5:02)  **YOU CAN GO STUFF YOUR HEAD DOWN A TOILET**

(5:03)  **LOSER ALWAYS STUFFS THEIR HEADS DOWN A TOILET**

(5:04) Oh no. Not a toilet.

(5:05) Gilbert someone needs to start punching you every time you say toilet.

(5:06)  **Yeah well that thought can get shoved down the toilet.**

(5:07)  **Franny read what you said over my shoulder and just punched my arm. Ow.**

(5:08) Tell Francis I said hi!

(5:09)  **No need, hes reading over my shoulder like a creep.**

(5:10) Hello Francis!

(5:11)  **He says bonjour.**

(5:12) Tell him I asked how he is.

(5:13)  **Do I look like a fucking mailman to you dont you have a phone of your own to do this shit or did you drop it down a toilet**

(5:14)  **HE FUCKING PUNCHED ME AGAIN**

(5:15) Serves you right, talking about toilets like that.

(5:16) Don't you ever consider their feelings? What if they feel awkward when you talk about them like that?

(5:17)  **This conversation is getting awkward.**

(5:18) How do you think the toilets feel?

(5:19) **BIRDIE LIKE FIFTY PERCENT OF OUR CONVERSATIONS ARE ABOUT TOILETS YOU TALK ABOUT THEM JUST AS MUCH TOO**

(5:20) YES WELL MAYBE YOU ARE THE ONE THAT INSTIGATES THE TALKING ABOUT TOILETS IN THE FIRST PLACE

(5:21)  **I would love to stay and argue about toilets but Ive got football practice soon.**

(5:23) Yeah okay. Don't get lost in a toilet.

(5:24) **Fuck you.**

*

(6:18) **Mattie bro!!! :DDDDDDD**

(6:19)  **Wat r u doing :?**

(6:20) Texting a friend.

(6:21) **But u don't have any friendz. :D**

(6:22) Oh my god you're typing like that again! Was it another dare?

(6:23) **Yes :( matthias dared me 2.**

(6:24)  **It hurts 2 talk liek dis 4 2 long. :'(**

(6:23) Well he doesn't read your text messages, does he? Just text normally and he won't know.

(6:24)  **Yay!!! :D**

(6:25)  **So mattie this party is soooo wicked. :DDDDD**

(6:26) I'm glad to hear. Having a good time?

(6:27)  **Yeah what about you mattie bro you having a good time? Are you texting that gilbert dude? ;)**

(6:28) I don't know what you're implying with the winky face but yes, I am.

(6:29) **Oh come onnnn mattie you said you liked him! OwO**

(6:30) It's just a small crush thing. I don't even know what he looks like!

(6:31)  **Why don't you change that? You have gilbert's number and a camera all you have to do is take a self and like send it to him! Easy duh! XD**

(6:32) Al, maybe I don't really want him to know what I look like.

(6:33) **Whyyyyyyy? D:**

(6:34) Well frankly, I think I'm rather hideous.

(6:35)  **Mattie bro you are bootiful even artie says so so accept the beauty and love /(OwO)/ hug**

(6:36) I am not accepting the beauty and love. That's gay.

(6:37) **You're gay! >:(**

(6:38) Pansexual!

(6:39)  **Blah blah blah why can't everybody just be gay?**

(6:40) You and Gilbert would get along finely.

(6:41)  **Aw yuuuus :D**

(6:42)  **Gtg mattie artie is calling me and i ain't saying no to a little artie time ;)**

(6:43) Gross.

(6:44) **You just jelly you ain't getting none :P**

Wednesday P.M.

(11:48)  **Birdie?**

(11:49)  **You awake?**

(11:50) **Birddiiiieeee**

(11:51) **Mein awesomeness demands you**

(11:52)  **Oh mein Gott**

Thursday A.M.

(7:14)  **GOOD MORNING BIRDIE**

(7:15) Oh hello.

(7:16)  **Oh look youre actually awake this time!**

(7:17) I've been up since six thirty.

(7:18)  **Willingly?!**

(7:19) Yes Gil, willingly.

(7:20)  **Youre a psychopath, who would even get up that early willingly?**

(7:21) It's high functioning sociopath, do your research.

(7:23)  **What?**

(7:34) You have yet to watch Sherlock, child. I won't speak to you until you do.

(7:35) **Ugh fine.**

(7:36) I'll even watch that Unnatural show you wanted me to watch

(7:37)  **ITS CALLED SUPERNATURAL**

(7:38) Well okay then.

(7:39) **Jfc youre just like my friend Mei. Shes always telling me to watch Doctor Who and shit. Idek what that is.**

(7:40) It's a show, I've seen it around on Netflix, but I've never watched. It looks pretty good.

(7:41)  **Really?**

(7:42) Yeah.

(7:43)  **Well what if I watched Sherlock, and you watched Supernatural, and then we watched Doctor Who together?**

(7:44) Alright, sounds like a plan....I like it!

(7:45) **Of course you do I made it.**

(7:46) Oh my god.

(7:47)  **Before I leave here Im gonna be evil.**

(7:48) **In three seconds youll be singing "I'm a Barbie Girl" in your head.**

(7:49) I HATE YOU DAMN IT NOW IT'S STUCK IN MY HEAD

Friday P.M.

(11:42) **Hey Birdie!**

(11:43) Hi Gil!

(11:44) **Enthusiastic response is enthusiastic.**

(11:45) Hey saying stuff like that is my thing, don't be stealing it.

(11:46)  **Killjoy.**

(11:47) Whatever. I want to stay and chat but my brother needs help with something right now.

(11:48) **Like what?**

(11:49) Like me having to drive over to the bar to save his sorry ass because he's drunk.

(11:50) **I love getting drunk.**

(11:51)  **But yeah you should probably go get him just sayin.**

(11:52) Talk to you tomorrow?

(11:53)  **Of course Birdie :)**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've noticed some people have said this story reminds them of some story by the name of Text Talk? I have not yet viewed this story (what fandom is it in?) but any likeliness to that story is purely coincidental!


	8. Eight

What even is the time date here I ain't keeping track of this shit

Also does it even snow in London

*

Sunday P.M.

(7:18)  **ITS SNOWWWWIIINNGGGGGGGGGG**

(7:24) Someone is very happy.

(7:25)  **Of course Im fucking happy bitch its snowing**

(7:26)  ***Snowing***

(7:27)  **As in God's holy dandruff is raining from the sky in beautiful ice crystals so we can celebrate in the oily remnants of his scalp**

(7:28) That

(7:29) That does not really sound beautiful.

(7:30)  **Fuck you Birdie if you don't think thats the coolest shit ever then you fuck you**

(7:31) Was that a pun?

(7:32)  **IT IS NOW**

(7:33) Damn it! You and Alfred would get along so well. You're just like him.

(7:34)  **Whoa whoa whoa whoa. How dare you compare mein awesomeness to a lesser awesomeness?**

(7:35) ._.

(7:36)  **Kidding, Birdie.**

(7:37)  **Also, forgive me for not texting you yesterday. Franny took my phone because I joked about stuffing his phone down the toilet.**

(7:38) Gilbert, one more mention of a toilet of any sort and I will be forced to find out where you live and personally flush you down one yourself.

(7:39)  **Mein Gott, youre a savage.**

(7:40) That's what I'm here for. To be a savage.

(7:41)  **SAVAGE**

(7:42)  **So whatre you doing?**

(7:43) I was reading, but now I'm texting you.

(7:44)  **What are you reading?**

(7:45) Take a guess.

(7:46)  **The Hunger Games.**

(7:47) Huh.

(7:47)  **What.**

(7:48) I was expecting you to say 'porn.' You have surprised me today, Gil. No, I'm reading Divergent.

(7:49)  **Im full of surprises its how I stay awesome! And Divergent is love, Birdie, it is love.**

(7:50) Yes, indeed.

(7:51)  **So.....Uh.**

(7:53) Awkward silence is awkward.

(7:54)  **Ja ikr.**

(7:56)  **So uh.**

(7:57)  **Whats Alfred like.**

(7:58) Don't you know already?

(7:59)  **Humor me.**

(8:00) How about you just actually text him?

(8:01)  **What really.**

(8:02) Yeah I'll give you his number! But text him tomorrow though, he's asleep now.

(8:08)  **Gtg Birdie. Text me the number tomorrow ok? I have sodium to drop down some fish bowls!**

(8:09) WAIT WHAT

*

Monday A.M.

(4:38)  **BIRDIE I NEED YOUR HELP**

(4:39)  **BIRDIE**

(4:40)  **Oh wait its 4 am**

(4:41)  **NEVERMIND THIS CAN WAIT ABOUT SIX HOURS**

(6:12)  **I was too lazy to wait ARE YOU AWAKE YET**

(6:13)  **BIRDIE**

(8:28)  **Birdie wake up you bitch**

(8:49) What do you need?

(8:51)  **IM ABOUT TO START CLASS GOD DAMN IT**

*****

P.M.

(4:04)  **CLASS IS OVER BIRDIE I NEED YOUR HELP**

(4:07) !?

(4:08)  **How do you ride a bike**

(4:09) What

(4:10)  **Im being serious how do you ride a bike**

(4:11) Uh

(4:12) That's

(4:13) I don't

(4:14) What?

(4:15)  **Nevermind its pointless now.**

(4:16) You made me interrupt my nap.

(4:17)  **Oh boo fucking hoo princess**

*****

(5:38)  **HEY ARE YOU BIRDIES BIG BRO**

(5:43)  **What.**

(5:44)  **Guten Tag my name is Gilbert Wilhelm Wolfgang Fritz Elizabeth Beilschmidt I am albino and a professional awesome person ARE YOU MATTHEWS BROTHER**

(5:45)  **And what if i am?! What do you wanna do with mattie! Tell me!**

(5:46)  **Relax I am not a stalker**

(5:47)  **Of Canadians**

(5:48)  **But I do stalk people sometimes**

(5:49)  **Ok you didnt need to know that**

(5:50)  **Is this Alfred?**

(5:51)  **Who's asking? :?**

(5:52)  **Birdies best fucking friend forever ME**

(5:53)  **Wait**

(5:54)  **Oh i know you! :D**

(5:55)  **You're mattie's 'friend!'**

(5:56)  **Wow thank you you have just wowed us all with your amazing realization**

(5:57)  **You're his gay friend :D**

(5:58)  **Wow is that really all he has to say about me?**

(5:59) ** Nope he talks about you all the time but i know you're hella gay so :)**

(6:00)  **But like i'm hella gay too so! :3**

**(6:01) Yes this has been a nice conversation but really I just wanted to say hey**

(6:02)  **What**

(6:03)  **SAYONARA BITCH**

*****

Tuesday P.M.

(11:12)  **What if I was a pigeon**

(11:13) Go the fuck to sleep

*

Wednesday P.M.

(4:18) Hey Gil you out of class yet?

(4:23)  **Now I am.**

(4:24) Oh cool.

(4:25) So did you hear about the parade that's going to be happening in town?

(4:26)  **WHEN I WAS**

(4:27)  **A YOUNG BOY**

(4:28)  **MY FATHER**

(4:29)  **TOOK ME INTO THE CITY**

(4:30)  **TO SEE A MARCHING BAND**

(4:31) You done?

(4:32)  **The Black Parade is never done, Birdie.**

(4:33) I'm going to pretend I know what that is. Anyways, are you going?

(4:34)  **Idk maybe.**

(4:35) Well I was thinking...If you are, then we can meet each other!

(4:36)  **Whoa. That would be cool as shit.**

(4:37) I know! And maybe we can you know get to introduce one another to our friends and stuff!

(4:38)  **Thats actually a pretty good idea Birdie**

(4:39)  **When is it?**

(4:40) Next Friday!

(4:41)  **Huh. Ill have to sneak off campus, then. And get past the gates. Ugh.**

(4:42) Gates!?

(4:43)  **Were in this huge fucking school surrounded by chain link fences, trees, and tall gates that have been rumored to skewer kids who try to escape.**

(4:45) That sounds like prison, to be honest.

(4:46)  **It feels like it is, Birdie. It feels like it is.**

(4:47) Well....It would be cool to finally meet you, Gilbert.

(4:48) Also, it's snowing again, and I'm assuming you're going to go outside and roll around in it.

(4:49)  **You know me too well. Im so going to throw snowballs at Elizabeta.**

(4:50) What kind of flowers would you like for your funeral?

(4:51)  **Fuck you**.

*

Thursday A.M.

(8:18)  _ **I heard there was going to be a parade going on next Friday. Elizabeta has offered to take both me and you. Would you like to accompany us?**_

(8:19) **Coincidentally, someone just asked me this. Are you stalking me, Roddy?**

(8:20)  **Looking through my messages?**

(8:21)  **Thats an invasion of privacy.**

(8:22)  ** _Gilbert, this parade is one of the biggest events being held in London. Nearly everybody is going. Of course we're going to ask you to accompany us to it._**

(8:23)  **And why would I?**

(8:24) _ **Because, believe it or not, Gilbert, we are trying to be your friends, no matter how much you think we hate you.**_

(8:25) **I dont THINK you hate me. I KNOW.**

(8:27) _ **Gilbert, really. I don't even know why you are still so mad over this whole thing. What's done is done, and you didn't even go to jail for it.**_

(8:28)  _ **And I didn't either, and Elizabeta didn't, and Ludwig didn't, because my father payed good money to keep this thing quiet.**_

(8:29) _ **Please, Gilbert, we're not trying to hurt you. We're your friends.**_

(8:30)  **Just leave me alone.**

(8:31)  _ **As you wish. Though I really wish you'd at least see a therapist.**_

_***** _

Thursday P.M.

(11:49)  **Hey Birdie you still awake?**

(11:56) Barely.

(11:57)  **Oh. Ill text you tomorrow then ok?**

(11:58) Yeah okay.

*

Friday P.M.

(6:37)  **So I was thinking about this whole meeting thing**

(6:38)  **And the more I think its a good idea!**

(6:39)  **You can meet Toni and Luddy and Feli and everyone I love!**

(6:40) I thought you only love me. I'm offended, Gil.

(6:41)  **No I love you too!**

(6:42)  **In the most, platonic, way possible of course.**

(6:43) Haha, okay. Yeah, it's a really good idea!

(6:44) I am a bit nervous about it though.....

(6:45) Very nervous, in fact...!

(6:46) I'm not very good around people, especially events like this!

(6:47)  **Dont worry Birdie, youll be around me, and I will totally protect you!**

(6:49)  **And speaking of protecting, I've got a football game in eleven minutes.**

(6:50) Why so late?

(6:51) **Idk Birdie. Talk to you later!**

(6:52) Talk to you later, Gil! :D

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disappointing chapter, I know ;-; I feel as if I'm rushing things a bit too much. I read all your reviews, even though I don't really reply to any of them! Seriously, my Internet is slow, and I'd rather waste precious time trying to update a chapter then reply to every single review. But I do read them and I do appreciate them! :D
> 
> WUVS!
> 
> -Mike


	9. Nine

Saturday P.M.

 

(12:59) **Birdie do you like rap.**

(1:04) No not really.

(1:05) **WHAT A SHAME.**

(1:06) What?

(1:07) **THE POOR GROOMS BRIDE IS A WHORE**

(1:08) Literally what.

(1:09) **THE POOR GROOMS BIRDIE IS A WHORE**

(1:10) LITERALLY WHAT!?

(1:11) **Birdie. Seriously?**

(1:12) Yes Gil, seriously.

(1:13) **I just…**

(1:14) **Dont talk to me.**

(1:15) What?!

 

Monday P.M.

 

(5:23) **BIRDIE THINK OF THE MOST EMBARRASSING SECRET YOUVE NEVER TOLD ANYONE AND TELL ME NOW GO**

(5:25) WHEN I WAS SIXTEEN I DROVE ALFRED TO THE DOCTORS OFFICE IN ARTHURS CAR AND I ACCIDENTALLY PEED MY PANTS AND BLAMED IT ON ALFRED AND ALFRED GOT THE SILENT TREATMENT FOR THREE MONTHS BUT I FELT BAD

(5:26) **Pfffffft**

(5:27) What about you?

(5:28) **I read Dork Diaries. And cry over Big Hero 6. And watch Teen Wolf.**

(5:30) **NO WAIT WHEN I WAS TWELVE AND LUDDY WAS LIKE EIGHT I PEED THE BED AND BLAMED IT ON LUDDY AND HE WAS MAD AT ME SO HE DECIDED TO SWITCH ALL MY UNDERWEAR FOR PINK FRILLY PANTIES AND FOR TWO WHOLE SCHOOL YEARS I WORE PANTIES TO SCHOOL WITHOUT ANYBODY KNOWING**

(5:31) That's funny and all

(5:31) But

(5:32) Where the hell did Ludwig get frilly pink panties

(5:33) **Where wouldnt he get frilly pink panties?**

(5:34) I just….Nevermind.

(5:35) Why suddenly asking about embarrassing things?

(5:36) **Its a great conversation start, isnt it?**

(5:37) I suppose it is….

(5:38) **Plus embarrassing stories make me feel better about myself slightly until I remind myself I have many embarrassing stories**

(5:39) Would you tell them to me? I need a good laugh right about now.

(5:40) **Why whats wrong?**

(5:41) Nothing, it’s just been a very long day…..Heh….

(5:42) **I have an embarrassing story about Luddy**

(5:44) **He believed in Santa Claus until he was fifteen and he saw my grandfather dressed as Santa Claus putting presents under our tree and he had a total meltdown and it was probably one of the best things Ive ever seen because it was so damn CUTE**

(5:45) That’s not funny, that’s just slightly creepy.

(5:46) **Nah not creepy.**

(5:47) **Ok maybe just a little creepy**.

(5:48) When I was eight I wished my nipples would be long enough to touch the buttons on the TV so I didn’t have to get up to turn it on and off.

(5:49) **WHAT THE FUCK**

(5:50) If it makes you feel better, Alfred wished his peen was replaced with an extra arm so he could have another arm to hold stuff when he was eleven.

(5:51) **LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK**

(5:52) AND WHEN WE WERE TWELVE WE THOUGHT SEX WAS EATING SO EVERY TIME WE WERE HUNGRY WE SAID WE WANTED TO SEX

(5:53) **Ok that one is funny**

(5:54) **BUT WHAT THE FUCK A PEEN ARM AND LONG NIPPLES JESUS LORD ALMIGHTY**

(5:55) But when Alfred was seventeen he did the do for the first time with Arthur and thought he was pregnant

(5:56) **WHAT KIND OF SEX EDUCATION DID YOU NORTH AMERICANS HAVE**

(5:58) We moved here when we were like fourteen, we’d already had sex education in America but here they’re kinda teaching us a different story. We’ve had a rough sex education.

(5:59) **obvIOUSLY**

(6:00) **IM DYING BUT LITERALLY WTF**

(6:02) **WELL FROM AGES SEVEN TO TEN I RAN AROUND THE HOUSE NAKED ALL THE TIME BECAUSE NOBODY WAS EVER REALLY HOME AND NOBODY COULD TELL ME WHAT TO DO**

(6:04)  That sounds like something Alfred would do.

(6:05) **Embarrassing childhood stories are the best.**

(6:07) **No wait Birdie**

(6:08) **When I was nine someone told me prostitue was someone who sold ice cream so I told everyone for two years I wanted to be a prostitute and NOBODY FUCKING CORRECTED ME**

(6:09) MON DIEU OKAY I JUST STARTED LAUGHING I’M SORRY GIL

(6:10) **Im going to die of laughter because Im still laughing at the pregnant thing**

(6:12) **Gtg Birdie. Love ya best friiieeeennnndd~!**

(6:13) Heheh! Same to you!

*

(7:32) **MATTIE I’M BORED!!!**

(7:33) Hello Bored, I’m Mattie.

(7:34) **Shut the fuck up this is not the time for shitty dad jokes** ._.

(7:35) Aren’t you watching a movie with Arthur right now?

(7:36) **Mattie its boring af plz save me ** ;-;

(7:37) Nah.

(7:38) **Fine i’ll tell gilbert you like him** :D

(7:39) FINE YOU FUCKING BRAT YOU BETTER HAVE YOUR JACKET ON BY THE TIME I CALL YOU TO TELL YOU THERE’S BEEN AN AVALANCHE IN THE BACKYARD

(7:40) **Life saver thank u mattie bro** :DDDDD

*

Tuesday A.M.

(3:28) **Do pigeons have feelings**

(3:29) GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP. NOW.

 

Wednesday P.M.

 

(7:19) **Birdie…..Friday is drawing closer.**

(7:20) I know, right!

(7:21) **Im anticipating it! I cant wait to meet you, finally!**

(7:22) We haven’t talked about it before, so tell me, what’s the festival like?

(7:23) **Loud. And shiny. And cold.**

(7:24) .-.

(7:25) Well anyways, I can’t wait to meet you, finally! Your life seems so very interesting….Heh….And you’re very interesting….So it’d be cool to see you in real life, you know?

(7:26) **Anyone would be dying to see my awesomeness, Birdie.**

(7:27) **But I cant wait to meet you either! I wanna see if youre as adorable and hesitant as your here!**

(7:28) Hesitant!? I told you my nipple secret without a second thought!

(7:29) **Can we take that memory and flush it down the toilet please because the nipple story concerns me**

(7:30) The toilet concerns me, Gil.

(7:31) With the things you’ve been flushing down it.

(7:32) **Do you ever stop and realize our friendship has formed from toilets?**

(7:33) Yes.

(7:34) **Its a beautiful and special friendship we have, Birdie.**

(7:35) Heh, I know!

(7:37) How are Antonio and Francis?

(7:38) **Splendid. Fantastic. Swell.**

(7:39) I’ve got the oddest feeling they are not splendid, fantastic, or swell.

(7:40) **No, but they are sorta depressed.**

(7:41) Why?

(7:42) **Ehhhh, because Im going out in public either know they dont want me to.**

(7:43) Why!?

(7:44) **Its a long story Birdie, a really, really long story. A story I would rather not tell. None of us want to tell, really.**

(7:45) Well, I hope they do let you come….

(7:46) **I dont need their fucking permission, I can go wherever the hell I want!**

(7:47) Yeah okay…

(7:52) **This silence is awkward.**

(7:53) **Birdie, this is gonna be strange, but there’s a movie showing this Friday. Would you like to come watch it with me after we meet at the festival?**

(7:54) Yeah sure, what movie is it?

(7:55) **Mockingjay.**

(7:56) Well I wanted to see that anyways, so it all works out, yeah?

(7:57) In fact, I think Arthur and Alfred are going to go see that movie too on Friday!

(7:58) **What really??? Luddy and Feli are going there too!**

(7:59) **Its like a triple date! Only you and I arent a couple and they are!**

(8:00) **Double-and-a-half date?**

(8:01) Mon dieu, what?

(8:02) **I dont know Birdie, Im just excited. Thats all I know.**

(8:03) **The day is approaching closer with each and every minute….**

(8:04) It’ll be nice to finally meet you! :)

(8:05) **You too, Birdie….You too…. :)**

*

Thursday A.M.

 

(8:54) _Mon cher, is there any way you can change your mind? We regret asking you to come with us!_

(8:55) **Why, Im not gonna fuck everything up.**

(8:56) you probably will just sayin (✿◠‿◠)

(8:57) **Shut up Toni**

(8:58) _Shut up Toni._

(8:59) _Gil, if you really insist into going in town after all that, that’s fine. Just think of how you might be, okay?_

(9:00) **Im fucking fine, ok? Besides, Ill be meeting Birdie there!**

(9:01) _Yes just try not to take his virginity, mmkay?_

(9:02) **What**

(9:03) dont do the frick frack before you snick snack gil ✌.ʕʘ‿ʘʔ.✌

(9:04) **What the fuck**

*

(9:08) I’m excited. You?

(9:10) **Nervous, yeah.**

(9:11) Why? We’ve told each other lots of things, we should be comfortable with one another by now.

(9:12) **What if Im not what you expected though? What if you actually dont like me?**

(9:13) Gil, I’m absolutely positive that when we meet tomorrow, I’m going to like you. So you don’t worry. Okay? :)

(9:14) **Well that makes me feel a lot more awesome…Thanks, Birdie.**

(9:15) No problem Gil.

(9:16) Also, when and where exactly will we be meeting up?

(9:17) **Near Big Ben around seven. Look for the guy in the obnoxiously bright pink scarf.**

(9:18) O….Okay then.

 

Friday.

* * *

  
The air was cold, and there was a Christmas-like feeling to the air. Matthew tugged his jacket a little tighter around himself, walking through the crowd of talking Brits, enjoying the festivities. The Canadian teen was seeking someone very important to him, someone he was meeting for the first time in person, today.

The hours leading up to this moment had been tense with anticipation, Matthew nervously running his hands along his pants to wipe his palms of sweat. Alfred had teased him, calling him ‘lovesick’, but in actuality, Matthew was worried. What if he didn’t meet up to Gilbert’s expectations? What if Gilbert decided he didn’t like him? What if Gilbert thought he was too boring?

Many questions like these arose, but Matthew always pushed them back so he wouldn’t have to think about it. Gilbert was going to like him, and he was going to like Gilbert. It was simple as that.

Approaching the clock tower was no problem at all, but it was searching for his new friend that made it nearly impossible. His indigo-colored eyes scanned the crowd, looking for, as Gilbert said, a guy in an obnoxiously bright pink scarf.

Matthew didn’t have to search for long-standing across the street was a guy with his back turned, a black jacket wrapped around him and a neon pink scarf around his neck. Matthew waited for a car to pass before rushing down the street, pushing his glasses up his nose as they had begun to slide down his face.

Coming to a halt near the guy, Matthew huffed out a “G-Gilbert?” and when the guy turned, Matthew knew it was him.

He was what he described himself as-white, silver-ish hair that was untamed and stuck up in various places. Strangely-colored eyes that seemed like a fuschia pink and a deep red color together. White, white skin so white it made the light dustings of snow look gray. He was a little shorter than Matthew expected, only a few inches taller than him (for some reason, he had been expecting a towering giant) but nonetheless, when the guy asked, “Birdie?” Matthew knew for sure it was him.

Matthew nodded, smiling, heartbeat racing. It was surreal. Talking to a close friend with no face for only a few weeks and falling in love with them, then meeting them for the first time, felt like a dream. Gilbert stared at him in shock, and that terrifying thought occurred once again that maybe, maybe he didn’t meet Gilbert’s expectations at all. Just maybe-

But then he felt gloved hands gripping his cheeks tightly, a wicked smirk gracing Gilbert’s face but a good-humored glint in his eyes as he shouted,

“Oh my god! You are _adorable!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear person who claimed I 'blatantly stole this from the wolfstar story Text Talk...'  
> Please, don't make such accusations if you don't even know the story behind it. First of all, this was not inspired by a fanfiction at all. This was inspired by three things- Aphtexts, The Fault In Our Stars, and tumblr.  
> Mainly the TFiOS is what gave me the idea-in a few scenes Hazel and Augustus text each other and it shows up on screen so we can see what they are texting, so I thought it was funny and imagined PruCan doing it. I later decided to actually do it when I stumbled across Aphtexts.  
> And a lot of these texts are referencing or based on tumblr posts or my own friends texts (do pigeons have feelings, don't be jelly of my jelly, that thing you are describing is a ________, etc.,)   
> No, I am not stealing anybody's idea. I'm not stealing Aphtexts's idea, because texting stories are a pretty generic thing, and none of these are based on their texts. The only thing I'm guessing I sort of truly based this on is TFiOS because of Matthew's lung cancer? I'm not sure. I just wanted him to be in the hospital (or rather, pulled it out of my ass to make him be in the hospital) to make things a little more interesting, and lung cancer happened to be the first thing that came to my mind.  
> Yes, a couple of the texts are either referencing or quoting tumblr.  
> But I am not 'stealing any of this from a wolfstar fanfiction called Text Talk.'  
> I don't even know what the fuck Wolfstar is. It sounds like some sort of Warrior Cat shit right there.  
> Update: According to google, it is the pairing between Remus Lupin and Sirius Black. I don't even ship that. (sorry guys but Lupin x Tonks and Sirius x James ftw). How could I copy an idea from a.) a story of a shipping I don't even like and b.) from a fandom I don't ever read fanfiction from? (I've had bad run-ins with Harry Potter fanfiction. Never again.)
> 
> So please, don't accuse me of stealing anything.


	10. Ten

"I'm--I'm what?" Matthew stammered, clearly not expecting this reaction. Gloved hands continued to press his cheeks until his lips were forced up in a smile, and Gilbert laughed before withdrawing his hands away, before placing them on his hips.

The Canadian was absolutely adorable, which soft, wavy blond hair and indigo-colored eyes, hidden behind glasses and bundled up in a heavy red sweatshirt and a jacket over it. A single wild, curled strand of hair stuck up from his fringe, and the little red on his face from the cold? Oh, kill him please and serve him on a plate of pancakes! It was too sweet! Too pure, too precious for this world!

But now that they were both standing here, in the cold, face-to-face, Gilbert didn’t know what to do. Whether to hug the fuck out of his Birdie or simply shake hands or just make conversation. Matthew looked equally as unsure as he did, and that lost puppy look on his face? Gilbert was not a soft man, but fuck him running.

It was literally taking all he could to not say “blubberhabagaaa” and melt all over the Canadian, because he looked warm and bright and fuzzy and holy shit, this was not what he was expecting. It’s like that little weird feeling in your stomach when you see the perfect fluff picture of your OTP (in this case, Gilbert was one hundred percent sure that Percabeth was that OTP).

“I’m a what?” Matthew repeated, as if he didn’t know what else to say.

“Yer a wizard, Harry,” Gilbert automatically responded, and it was totally worth it to suddenly see a smile grace the Canadian’s face. Gilbert needed to be held. Now.

“I, I ah, I know...I know this...So ja. Cafe. Over there. Has food. Good food. Good night. I mean, good morning. Lovely weather we’re having,” Gilbert managed to shoot out, not exactly sure what was coming out of his mouth, but it sounded plausible enough to count as conversation. Matthew giggled again, and it was enough to make him shut up. God, his voice was much more shy and timid and much softer than he imagined.

Or maybe it was just nerves on the Canadian’s part.

Whatever the fuck it was, it was still cute as motherfucking hell.

His phone suddenly buzzed in his pocket, and Gilbert quickly pulled it out, unlocking the screen before looking at the text:

(7:11) _Mon ami~! I hope you have a fun time on your date. No, not that kind of fun time. ;) But still have a fun time!_

“Oh Mein Gott,” Gilbert muttered, before stuffing it back inside his pocket. The one little text seemed to have straightened him up a bit, though, because when he looked up into Birdie’s eyes he suddenly knew exactly what he was going to do.

“So, Birdie, get prepared for a hell of a night, because I am going to give you the time of your life!” Gilbert laughed, before grabbing Matthew’s wrist as beginning to drag him through the streets. He was a bit surprised, however, when Matthew started laughing.

“What’s so funny, Birdie?”

“N-Nothing, it’s just...you’re exactly like I thought you’d be! You’re so quick to action and...Wow! We didn’t even say ‘hello’” Matthew seemed to find this absolutely hilarious, because he was nearly in tears. Perhaps it was an inside joke, but whatever it was, Gilbert didn’t get it.

“Yeah, yeah, that’s funny and all, but c’mon! We’ve got pretty shit to see and news flash, it ain’t you, thought that would be nice. No, we’re going to see the Christmas Lights!” Gilbert commanded, before continuing to drag Matthew.

“Don’t they call them ‘fairy lights’ though?”

“That, is the stupidest shit I have ever heard.”

Nothing else much was said on the journey, but a plan was already forming in his mind, and he knew just how exactly he was going to give Birdie a good time. Finally, they came to a stop at a certain busy street, where several people were watching floats beginning to stroll into the sectioned-off part of the city for the festival. The first few floats were smaller, not as special, but Gilbert was preparing for the big show soon.

“Are you cold, Birdie? Do you want hot chocolate? Coffee? Maple syrup? I hear Canadians drink maple syrup like water, is that true?”

Matthew blinked before smiling again, slowly sliding his wrist out of Gilbert’s grip, “A hot chocolate is fine, thank you!”

Gilbert nodded before bounding off in excitement, slipping slightly on the icy pavement. One hot chocolate for his precious cinnamon roll, coming right up!  
The hot chocolate stand was run by a boy and a girl-the boy had spiky, styled hair and the girl had curled brown locks with a ribbon threaded through her hair. Both had green eyes-though while the girl was smiling excitedly, the boy was frowning.

“Hi!” The girl said, bouncing up and down-she was nearly the boy’s height, and, to say, a full inch taller than Gilbert, “Caaaaaan I get you anything?”

“Two hot chocolates.” Gilbert ordered, taking a few bills out of his pocket and sliding it across the counter.

“Would you like to try some homemade Belgian waffles?” The girl bounced again, looking ecstatic as she made the offer. Ew, waffles. Nope, Gilbert was definitely a pancake person.

“I’m good. Thanks, though.”

Hurrying back to his precious friend without slipping and falling proved to be an exciting task-like a game, really. When Gilbert spotted Matthew at once through the crowd, he did nearly spill the treasured drink everywhere, but managed to get to Matthew without spilling an ounce.

“Thank you! Really, thank you!” Matthew chirped as he took the hot chocolate from Gilbert, and nuzzled his face over the steam rising from the cup, “It smells really good. Where did you get it?”

“From this stand one street over. They sold waffles, too,” Gilbert answered, and took a sip to hurriedly hide his face from his Birdie-he looked so cute while rubbing his face against the cup like that. This, however, resulted in a burned tongue, but he played it off as accidentally biting it.

They were silent for minutes. How do you talk to someone you’ve become a best friend with, but never actually seen face-to-face? It was awkward, a little weird, and Gilbert was not sure if he liked this feeling. This feeling of attachment, already, that was drawing him to Matthew, who was an excellent listener and a good friend.

Not to mention, really really cute.

But even when not in person, Roderich seemed to cockblock everything, because the sudden echoing of Roderich’s warning sounded around his head, and Gilbert nearly crushed the hot chocolate cup in his anger.

_Probably shouldn’t go outside...Not ‘til your better….Nobody blames you….Just don’t do anything….I’m concerned for you….Not everyone is trying to be your bad guy, Gilbert...Promise me not to do anything rash…._

Well, to hell with that. Roderich wasn’t his mother or anything. He had it all under control, see, he wasn’t freaking out now, he wasn’t shrinking into himself as the sky turned darker and the fires burned brighter and the people grew louder and they grew and they grew and they-

“Hey, Gil?” Matthew’s voice broke through his train of thought quite clearly, and Gilbert realized he had been staring blankly at the sky for quite some time now, “Are you okay?”

Gilbert looked back down silently at his hot chocolate. It was crushed. The cup, shreds in his palm as the hot liquid burned his fingers. When had that happened? Gilbert turned to look at his Birdie and instantly saw the warmth and child-like innocence in them, the uniqueness, and all the good stuff in the world.

And somehow, Gilbert was okay again.

“‘Course I’m fine, Birdie,” Gilbert smiled, before offering a hand (his clean one, mind you) to the Canadian. “Shall we watch these Christmas Lights?”

“Fairy lights.”

“What fucking ever.”

* * *

 

This was one of his best ideas yet. It was so perfect, to watch Matthew’s face has he stared in awe at the huge floats before them, decorated in bright, blinking lights and burning flames and various children dressed as elves dancing. It was so perfect, to watch, from the side, to observe his eyes light up, and actually, for real, fall in love with the real thing, the real person. Because his rosy cheeks and his bright eyes and his look of utter awe as he watched the amazing things happen in front of him.

Because, while few words were spoken, Gilbert took the time to appreciate the small things, the way Birdie truly was. He had barely known him face-to-face for an hour and a half, and already his heart was beating against his ribcage. It was hard to describe, especially to one who’s never been in a situation such as this before, but to Gilbert, it was everything, for how long had it been since he had paused and really, truly taken in a good thing in life?

* * *

 

Matthew was ravenous after the show, and Gilbert, knowing a good place to eat, was eager to take him to his very favorite cafe-one, unfortunately, halfway across town.

“C’mon, Birdie!” It seemed like he was saying that a lot today. Racing and skidding across snow and ice, running through back alleys to get to the cafe before it got too busy, before the sky turned dark and the monsters would come and swallow him up whole, before the-

But Matthew’s weird intakes of breath from behind cause this thought to break, and Gilbert looked back.

“Birdie, you okay?”

“Yes, yes, of course! I’m fine, j-just...Just keep going!” Matthew panted, and all in one moment, Gilbert remembered everything. He slowed down, taking in Matthew’s pale cheeks and his sharp intakes of breath, and Gilbert just stopped. The cafe could wait.

Leading the Canadian over to a bench and sitting on it, Gilbert rubbed a hand in what he hoped were soothing circles on the teen’s back as Matthew rested one hand on his chest, before massaging his throat. All at once, Gilbert felt guilty.

“I shouldn’t have forgotten about something so important,” Gilbert apologized, watching Birdie stare at his knees, “The awesome me apologizes to your lesser awesomeness. I’m sorry, Matthew. I should have gone slower.”

“No, no, you’re fine, it’s not your fault!” Matthew said quickly, suddenly looking guilty himself, “I was sure I could handle it!”

“But if hurts for you to breathe…” Gilbert trailed off, before asking, “Do you want to go home so you’re not out breathing freezing air?”

“I can handle it!” Matthew’s voice was suddenly very stubborn, and Gilbert blinked in surprise before laughing at the change in tone.

“Oh, Birdie. You’re cute.”

“Shut up, Gil.”

* * *

 

The cafe seemed nothing special, but it served the best food Britain had to offer. Gilbert hungrily scarfed down his serving of pasta as Matthew dug into his own pancakes, looking pleased. They were in the warmth now, and it was so cold outside that the windows had fogged up-only faint blurred outlines could be seen through it.

“So how’s life?” Gilbert asked in between bites, watching Matthew drizzle a fifth layer of maple syrup over everything.

“Life’s pretty good,” Matthew said, cocking his head to the side as he stared back at Gilbert, “What about you? How’s Ludwig?”

“You’re pronouncing it wrong.”

“Huh?” Matthew suddenly looked very confused, and Gilbert almost squealed at the puppy look.

“It’s more like a ‘lood-veeg’, not ‘lud-weg.’”

Matthew looked a bit uncertain.

“That’s weird.”

“That’s German.”

* * *

 

Unfortunately, tickets were sold out to Mockingjay, but that was okay. That meant he had an extra two hours to do whatever the fuck with Birdie.

So, they talked. And walked. And talked and walked underneath the dark London sky as the city bustled all around them, talking about whatever came to mind-Franny and Toni. Alfred. Arthur. Matthew’s ‘homeschooling.’ What it was like in Canada. Elizabeta. Topics they both steered clear of were Lars and Roderich.

“It’s been nice meeting you, Gilbert,” Matthew said, giving what Gilbert knew was a genuine smile. Gilbert smiled back, feeling a small bubble pop in his stomach that ignited a flurry of warmth inside him.

Oh, shit. Was that what this was for sure? Love for someone he technically just met?

That ‘love at first sight’ bullshit wasn’t actually true, was it?

“Aaaaand...That’s my ride.” Matthew said suddenly as an American car rolled right past them and towards Big Ben, where Matthew had said he’d meet his brother, “We better hur-WHOA!”

For Gilbert had scooped Matthew right up into his arms, bridal-style, and began jogging across the street, mindful of the potholes and the ice.

“G-Gilbert! What are you doing?!” Matthew squeaked, face growing pink.

“Uh, taking you to meet your brother super fast so he doesn’t get mad at us. DUH. Besides, you can’t run, so why not carry you?”

“You’re going too fast and we’re on ice-AH!” Matthew squeaked again as Gilbert nearly slipped and fell backwards, but lucky, Matthew shifted his weight just in time to balance him out. A tall, muscular teen stepped out of the car ahead and Gilbert sped up, nearly getting run over in the process.

He may have almost gotten them killed twice, but Gilbert still saw it as a success when he finally set Matthew down near who he assumed was Alfred. The twins had the same face and mostly the same body structure, similar colored hair and glasses, but that’s where similarities ended.  Alfred seemed much more loud and rambunctious than Matthew every could be, and was wearing an American bomber jacket as he talked a million miles an hour to Matthew.

Gilbert smiled as he watched Matthew pay no attention at all to his brother and instead smile, waved silently to him, and got into the car.

“Bye, Gil. It’s been fun! Really fun,” Matthew said, just before he closed the door.

Gilbert stared in slight shock as the car pulled away, but shouted as it sped away,  
“YOU TOO, MY BIRDIE~!”

* * *

 

Hours later, Gilbert was still awake in his dorm room, after enduring severals Q&A’s from both Franny and Toni and even their other dorm mates, Feliks and Toris.

He had to say it. It was killing him. He would lie in this cold bed forever and never say it and he’d die like that, and he’d die unhappy.

Why was it killing him so much? He could just….

No, but the need was too great.

And with that, Gilbert picked up his phone.

  
(2:43) **BIRDIE I FEEL THE HOMO FOR YOU**


	11. Eleven

(2:45) You what!?

(2:46)  **THE HOMO. I FEEL IT. FOR YOU.**

(2:47) Are you serious!?

(2:48)  **AS SERIOUS AS THE BLACK**

(2:49) WELL SHIT GILBERT WHY COULDN'T YOU TELL ME THIS AT A MORE CONVIENTENT TIME!?

(2:50)  **BIRDIE IS ALMOST THREE IN THE AM NO OTHER TIME COULD BE MORE CONVIENTENT**

(2:52) YOU'RE NOT JOKING ARE YOU!?

(2:53)  **NO I AM NOT**

(2:54) WELL THAT'S GREAT BECAUSE I FEEL THE HOMO FOR YOU TOO BUT RIGHT NOW IS NOT A GOOD TIME TO DISCUSS IT!

(2:55)  **YES IT IS**

(2:56)  **Wait**

(2:56)  **WHAT**

(2:57) Gil, I too, feel the homo for thee.

(2:58)  **Fantastic. Amazing. Splendid.**

(2:59) Really?

(2:59)  **Of course.**

(3:00)  **Actually you've just made this confession a lot easier. Though Im not sure how you didnt figure it out or something I mean Franny and Toni said it was blalantly obvious.**

(3:01) I've picked up hints but I thought that was just the way you were.

(3:02)  **Wow, Birdie, thanks for letting me know I am like a flamboyant homosexual.**

(3:03) No no no I didn't mean it that way!

(3:04)  **:( Look what youve done Birdie. :( Youve made me use sad emoticons. :(**

(3:05) PUT THOSE EMOTICONS BACK WHERE THEY CAME FROM OR SO HELP ME

(3:06)  **:(**

(3:07) Seriously Gil. IT IS THREE IN THE MORNING. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON ANYMORE I'M JUST REALLY TIRED.

(3:08) It probably might be better if we discussed this in the morning.

(3:09)  **Actually Birdie…..**

(3:10) Oh what now.

(3:11)  **Christmas is coming up soon which means Christmas concert. Tomorrow.**

(3:12) Oh. Well. Okay.

(3:13)  **Yeah.**

(3:14) I guess...That I will talk to you Sunday?

(3:15)  **Monday.**

(3: 15) Oh.

(3:16)  **Yeah.**

(3:17) Well.

(3:18) Talk to you then.

(3:19)  **Bye.**

(3:20) Yeah. Bye.

Monday PM

(6:18)  **Its been two days and this is killing me drop whatever youre doing and spEAK TO ME**

(6:19) Why good afternoon to you too.

(6:20)  **This is no time for formalities, Birdie, shut up and TALK HOMO TO ME**

(6:21) RAINBOW RAINBOW FASHION STARBUCKS

(6:22) Is that homo enough?

(6:23)  **That is both hilarious and mildly offensive.**

(6:24) To be honest though, what isn't these days?

(6:25)  **True, very true.**

(6:26)  **But anyways, I want to talk. About, Friday and stuff.**

(6:27) Well, you said you feel the homo for me, I do as well, what more is there to discuss?

(6:28)  **That new episode of My Little Pony.**

(6:29) What really?

(6:30)  **NO.**

(6:31 **) Is there really nothing more to discuss? Like, we don't do anything now? We don't become boyfriends or whatever?**

(6:32) Only if you want to, but Gil, you've gotta make the first move because I'm too shy to do it.

(6:33)  **Well then. But Birdie, I'm not concerned if I want to, I'm concerned if *you* want to.**

(6:35) I don't really know for sure, Gilbert. I mean, Alfred seems like he's pretty happy with Arthur, always telling me that when you're in love with someone it kinda feels like there's no weight on your shoulders (he'll deny he ever said that) and yeah I like you, but I don't know, I've only ever sort-of dated once?

(6:36)  **Thats fine, Birdie. I can wait for an answer.**

(6:37) So you're okay with letting me think it over?

(6:38)  **Well duh. Its your descision.**

(6:39) Wow, thanks...I'll have the answer by Friday. Is that okay, Gil?

(6:40)  **With you Birdie, my awesome self could wait a thousand years.**

(6:41)  **Just for your lesser awesomeness.**

(6:42) Well...Thanks, Gil. :)

(6:43)  **PUT THAT THING BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM OR SO HELP ME**

Tuesday AM

(7:31)  _Good morning friends._

(7:34)  **No.**

(7:35)  _Oui._

(7:36) its way too early franny! （ミ￣ー￣ミ）

(7:37)  _We have very important things to discuss!_

(7:39)  **Oh really? How fucking important could it be?**

(7:40)  _Important enough to break one of our most sacred rules as the Bad Touch Trio._

(7:41) **...I am slightly afraid to ask which one.**

(7:42) me too

(7:42)  _I have invited Roderich and Elizabeta into this chat._

(7:43)  **OH FUCK NO**

(7:43) OH FUCK NO (┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻

(7:44)  _Get over it cuz were here now~!_

(7:45)  _ **Good morning, everyone.**_

(7:46)  **Go shove your head up your ass, you dicks.**

(7:47)  _ **Sorry, I don't feel the need to comply to your orders. Perhaps order around some lonely maid, she'll probably do that for you.**_

(7:48)  _Mon ami, I hate to say it, but I think you just got told._

(7:49)  **What fucking ever.**

(7:50)  _Anyways, franny invited us over here cuz…..Well he says he wants to discuss you dickbert. As you friend, I'm here to kick your ass and then save it._

(7:51) well then (⊙﹏⊙✿)

(7:52)  **I dont need anyone here for help or whatever, why the fuck are they even her** **e** **?**

(7:53)  _Because with mon cousin, you have indeed confessed you are feeling rainbow feelings towards him, yet there always seems to be a price._

(7:54)  **A price of WHAT.**

(7:55)  _ **Were you feeling okay when you went on Friday?**_

(7:56)  **Ja, of course I did. Why wouldnt I? Stop treating me like a fucking baby!**

(7:57)  _Were not treating you like a baby you dick were here cuz we actually care bout you n stuff!_

(7:58)  _Gil, I hate to put it to you bluntly, but you have problems._

(7:59) even i think so (╯︵╰,)

(8:00)  **Shut up Toni.**

(8:00)  _Shut up Toni._

(8:00)  _ **Quiet, you.**_

(8:01)  **I dont have problems, Im just fine. I didnt flip out with Birdie, see? Im fine!**

(8:02)  _If you were fine I would not have broken one of our most sacred rules._

(8:02)  _Dickbert you are not fine like ever._

(8:03)  **Ok that name isnt funny anymore.**

(8:04)  _Ill stop calling you that when you stop calling Roddy 'pussy prick'. Do we have a deal?_

(8:05)  **Hey, Roddy was my nickname first! Stop stealing it you bitch!**

(8:06)  _ **Oh my.**_

(8:07)  _I'm surrounded by idiots._

(8:08) how about we call him aristocat (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

(8:09)  _SHUT UP TONI_

(8:09)  **SHUT UP TONI**

(8:09)  _S HUT UP TONI_

(8:09)  _ **Please stop.**_

Wednesday PM

(2:58) Hey you're probably in class right now but just wanted to say hey.

(2:59)  **Well Birdie I am in class and you just saved me from a lecture thank you.**

(3:00) Any time.

(3:01)  **Hey Birdie you know what we havent talked about in a few days.**

(3:02) If you say toilets I swear to god I will kill you, your children, and your grandchildren.\

(3:03)  **Actually we havent talked about our homo feelings in a while but thAT TOO**

(3:04) Oh Mon Dieu.

(3:05)  **But if youre still not ready to talk about them, well talk about something else.**

(3:06) Like the concerning toilet?

(3:07)  **Yeah exactly like the toilet.**

(3:08) Well, what should we talk about the toilet?

(3:09)  **Shit.**

(3:10) Was that a fucking pun.

(3:11)  **Maybe.**

(3:12) Do you like Chuck Norris jokes?

(3:13)  **wHO DOESNT**

(3:14) Guns carry Chuck Norris for protection.

(3:15)  **CHUCK NORRIS'S EMAIL IS** **GMAIL@CHUCKNORRIS.COM**

(3:16) Chuck Norris can speak Russian in French!

(3:17)  **Chuck Norris threw a grenade and killed 50 people**

(3:18)  **And then the grenade exploded**

(3:19)  **Chuck Norris jokes give me life.**

(3:20) What about Bruce Lee jokes though?

(3:31)  **I dont hear too many of those.**

(3:22) Oh.

(3:23) Have you watched Sherlock yet?

(3:24)  **SIHWBJBFHJWEBJOHNWJBFKJBFIUBFJWFBL**

(3:25) I take that as a yes.

(3:26)  **WHEN ARE WE GETTING SERIES FOUR, BIRDIE?**

(3:27)  **WHEN.**

(3:28) I don't know and that's the sad part.

(3:29)  **FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCKKKK!**

(3:30)  **I need to lie down.**

(3:31) Wait seriously?

(3:32)  **YES SERIOUSLY. I NEED ANSWERS, BIRDIE. HOW IS HE ALIVE. WHO REALLY IS MARY. WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN NOW.**

(3:33) I WISH I KNEW

(3:34)  **WHAT ABOUT YOU HAVE YOU WATCHED SUPERNATURAL.**

(3:35) I watched the first seventeen episodes, but those boys are so miserable, wow.

(3:36)  **Actually that's the season Sam and Dean are happy.**

(3:37) What the fuck!? But their mom is dead and Jess died and their dad is missing. How can they get more miserable!?

(3:38)  **Ha.**

(3:38)  **Haha.**

(3:38)  **Hahahaha.**

(3:39) I am suddenly extremely concerned.

(3:40)  **As you should be**.

Thursday AM

(7:01)  **Birdie are you awake**

(7:02) No

(7:03)  **Perfect so I gotta tell you something.**

(7:04) Does the definition of 'no' escape your mind?

(7:05)  **Yes.**

(7:06) Oh Mon Dieu.

(7:07)  **If youre still sleepy I can annoy you later.**

(7:08) Yes. Please.

Thursday PM

(5:39)  **HEY BIRDIE GUESS WHAT HAPPENED**

(5:40) WHAT

(5:41)  **TONI GOT LIKE SEVEN LEGO'S STUCK UP HIS NOSE.**

(5:42) WHAT!? HOW DID THAT HAPPEN!?

(5:44)  **WELL THIS GUY LOVINO WHO IS THIS SHOUTY LITTLE ITALIAN DUDE GOT MAD AND YELLED AT HIM TO STUFF A LEGO UP HIS HOLE AND TONI STUFFED THE LEGO'S THROUGH HIS NOSTRILS**

(5:45) I

(5:45) I am sorry

(5:46) I should not have laughed.

(5:47)  **Its okay Birdie because I lost my shit.**

(5:48) Is he with a nurse to help get them out?

(5:49)  **Yeah, he's in the hospital wing trying to blow them out into a tissue.**

(5:50) I LAUGHED AGAIN I'M SORRY

(5:53) So, what did you want to tell me this morning?

(5:55)  **Oh well you see my birthday is in January**

(5:56)  **And my awesome self was wondering if your lesser awesomeness wanted to go with Franny and Toni and I in town for my birthday.**

(5:57) What exactly are you guys going to do, because I am not agreeing to go bomb someplace with water balloons.

(5:58)  **Nope, not doing anything like that. Just gonna hang out in London. Maybe go see Mockingjay this time. Im determined to watch it.**

(5:59) Me too.

(6:00)  **I never managed to finish the third book, but have you?**

(6:01) Yep!

(6:02)  **Okay, I have a question.**

(6:03)  **Does Finnick die?**

(6:04) I

(6:05)  **DOES HE, BIRDIE?**

(6:06)  **DOES FINNICK DIE?**

(6:07) I AM SORRY I CANNOT ANSWER THAT QUESTION

(6:08)  **WHY NOT**

(6:09) I GET EMOTIONAL

(6:10)  **ARE YOU SAYING HE DOES DIE?**

(6:11) I'M SORRY GIL.

(6:12)  **FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK**

(6:18) You've been silent. Are you okay?

(6:22)  **no**

(6:23) Do you want me to leave you alone?

(6:24)  **yes**

Friday PM

(9:50)  **Birdie.**

(9:51) Gil.

(9:52)  **It is almost ten in the PM. Do you have an answer?**

(9:53) 42.

(9:54)  **What?**

(9:55) That's it, that's the answer to life, to the universe, to everything.

(9:56)  **No, but seriously Birdie, do you have an answer?**

(9:57) It's 42.

(9:58)  **God damn it Birdie.**

(9:59) Look, I'm sorry Gil. I've been thinking about it.

(10:00)  **Aaaaaaand?**

(10:01) And, I think, yes, I like you, you're a funny and nice guy, and you're nice to me, and yeah, I'm willing to give 'boyfriends' a shot.

(10:18) Gil?

(10:20)  **IM SORRY BIRDIE I TOLD FRANNY AND NOW HE AND TONI ARE CARRYING ME AROUND THE COMMON ROOM ON THEIR SHOULDERS AND I DROPPED MY PHONE AND NOW THERES A PARTY GOING ON**

(10:21) What

(10:22)  **I think they ship us, Birdie.**

(10:23) What does shipping have to do with anything? And how do they even know about me?

(10:24)  **AT THIS POINT I DONT EVEN CARE IM JUST HAPPY YOURE MY BOYFRIEND**

(10:25)  **I LOVE YOU BIRDIE**

(10:26) Are you drunk

(10:27)  **NO**

(10:28) Well I….I love you too :)


	12. Twelve

Sunday P.M.

(8:18) **Heeeey Birdie. Sorry for not replying in a while.**

(9:03) That's fine, Gil, and sorry for the late reply as well. I've been busy.

(9:05) **You too, huh?**

(9:06) Yeah….Yesterday I passed out.

(9:07) **What!**

(9:08) Don't worry, it wasn't anything bad or anything! Apparently I had been walking for too long and passed out due to lack of proper oxygen.

(9:09) **That sounds really bad and I probably should be worried.**

(9:10) No no no don't be! I'm fine, I swear! :)

(9:11) **God damn it.**

(9:12) **Not the smiley face.**

(9:13) :)

(9:14) **Fuck! Stop it! My anger is seeping away as we speak!**

(9:15) :) :) :)

(9:16) **I hate you.**

(9:17) :)

(9:18) So where have you been?

(9:19) **Oh**

(9:20) **Places**

(9:21) Like…..?

(9:22) **Places other than school.**

(9:23) No shit Sherlock.

(9:24) **Shut up, John.**

(9:25) Don't talk to me like that, you psychopath.

(9:26) ***Sociopath, do your research.**

(9:27) *Homosexual, do yours.

(9:28) **Oh my god.**

(9:29) ;)

Monday P.M.

(3:38) **BIRDIIIIIIE**

(3:39) **Birdie**

(3:40) **BIRDIE**

(3:41) **HEY**

(3:41) **HEY BIRDIE**

(3:42) **Fine. Youve made me do it.**

(3:43) **Ahem.**

(3:44) **MY LITTLE PONY.**

(3:44) **MY LITTLE PONY.**

(3:44) **MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY**

(3:45) **MYYYY LIIIITTTLLEEE PONNYYYYYY**

(3:46) I USED TO WONDER WHAT FRIENDSHIP COULD BE

(3:47) **HAHAHAHAHA I KNEW YOU WATCHED IT!**

(3:48) DAMN IT YOU GOT ME.

(3:49) **HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

(3:50) THE BETRAYAL.

(3:51) **HAHAHAHAHA**

(3:52) THIS IS WAR, GIL. WAR.

(3:53) **YOU AUTOMATICALLY LOSE BECAUSE I HAVE FRANNY AND TONI ON MY SIDE**

(3:54) AND?

(3:55) **THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP BEATS EVERYTHING, MY DEAR BIRDIE**.

(3:56) YOU'RE FULL OF IT.

(3:57) **YES, I KNOW I AM FULL OF FRIENDSHIP.**

(3:58) THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!

(3:59) **SUUUURE.**

(4:00) **Wait there's a newbie here**

(4:01) **Hahahahaha we gotta put him through initiation**

(4:02) Why do I get the feeling it involves a toilet?

(4:03) **It does. We dunk his head down it.**

(4:04) Are you going to bully him!?

(4:05) **What? No! We give him a choice. He can dunk his head down the toilet or sneak into the girl's room. Every guy does it.**

(4:06) So what's his name?

(4:07) **Yao Wanker or something.**

(4:08) Sounds interesting. I expect you shall be making wank jokes.

(4:09) **Indeed, Birdie.**

(4:10) Indeed I will.

Tuesday P.M

(5:20) **BIRDIE GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TODAY**

(5:23) WHAT

(5:25) **OK SO THIS GIRL AT SCHOOL NAMED BELLA MAES ALWAYS MAKES WAFFLES BEFORE CHRISTMAS AND HER BROTHER LARRY SOMETHING GOT REALLY MAD THAT HE USED ALL OF THE PRECIOUS MAPLE SYRUP HE GOT FOR HIS BIRTHDAY SO THEY MADE A HUGE SCENE ABOUT IT AND MEANWHILE FRANNY STOLE THE REMAINING WAFFLES AND CONVINCED TONI TO SKATE WITH THEM TAPED TO HIS FEET AND IT WAS MAGNIFICENT.**

(5:26) Great story and all

(5:27) But

(5:28) Did you say Bella Maes

(5:29) **Yep.**

(5:30) Oh, mon Dieu.

(5:32) **What happened**

(5:33) Bella Maes is Lar's sister.

(5:34) **What**

(5:35) **Mein Gott**

(5:36) **WHAT**

(5:37) This is crazy.

(5:38) **Birdie. Maybe we were really meant to be.**

(5:39) Or our lives are as coincidental as the My Little Pony storyline.

(5:50) **That too.**

(5:51) **As long as I get to be a pegasus.**

(5:52) Sure, Gilbert. Sure.

(5:53) **Do you think they use toilets tho**

(5:54) GO TO BED.

Wednesday A.M.

(6:58) **Birdie.**

(6:59) What do you want.

(7:00) **Lovely greeting. Have you ever sexted before?**

(7:01) Um

(7:02) No?

(7:03) **I see that question mark there and I am suspicious, Birdie.**

(7:04) I know a lot of pick up lines, but I've never tried them, much less...Sexted them.

(7:05) **That is so cute.**

(7:06) **Can you do it for me?**

(7:07) Uh

(7:08) **Like in a non weird way I want to prove something to Franny**

(7:09) Should I do it now…?

(7:10) **BEAM ME UP, SCOTTY.**

(7:11) OKAY FINE

(7:12) You're turning my software into hardware :)

(7:13) **I KNEW IT**

(7:14) What.

(7:15) **I KNEW YOU WOULD USE SMILEY FACES WHEN YOU SEXT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

(7:16) You know what?

(7:17) I'm done.

(7:18) **NOOOOOO**

(7:19) **DON'T LEAVE**

(7:20) **THAT WAS**

(7:20) **BOOTY**

(7:21) **FULL**

(7:22) IF YOU WANT MY BOOTY, YOU HAVE TO TRY HARDER THAN THAT. GOOD NIGHT, GIL.

(7:23) **BUT ITS MORNING**

(7:34) UGGGH

Thursday P.M

(8:12) **Birdie I feel as if we are not doing enough Boyfriend-y stuff.**

(8:15) What? Why?

(8:16) **Well**

(8:17) **There is the issue that Im stuck in basically a prison and you live kilometers away**

(8:18) Oh.

(8:19) Well uh….

(8:20) What do you want to do about it?

(8:21) **Well….**

(8:22) **Christmas is on Sunday….**

(8:23) Aaaaaand you want to visit me.

(8:24) **Correction: I know its pretty early but**

(8:25) **I want to meet the parents**

(8:26) Oh. Oh crap.

(8:27) **Do you have a problem with that?**

(8:28) Welllll…...I haven't told them about you yet….They're fine if I date a guy, because, y'know, Alfred has got to be the gayest being in all of humanity….

(8:29) **Frankly, Im quite offended.**

(8:30) How so?

(8:31) **You cant get gayer than Germans, Birdie.**

(8:32) ._.

(8:33) Why did I not see that coming.

(8:34) **Because I am a ninja**

(8:35) **You do not see me coming**

(8:36) **Unless Im a bottom ;)**

(8:37) Gilbert, no.

(8:38) **It wouldnt be the first time Im the bottom of a relationship.**

(8:39) What

(8:40) **Roddy was the dominant one**

(8:41) WHAT

(8:42) **Why do you sound so surprised?**

(8:43) I

(8:44) Uh

(8:45) Nothing

(8:46) **Ok then.**

(8:47) So you want to meet my parents?

(8:48) **Yep! Im in the mood to meet the people that gave the Earth the gift known as Matthew Williams.**

(8:49) Awwww.

(8:50) That's so sweet.

(8:51) And cheesy.

(8:52) **Mac n cheese cheesy or pizza cheesy**

(8:53) Mac n cheese.

(8:54) **So hella cheesy**.

(8:55) Oh my god. Well, I'm going to tell them about you and get something worked out, okay?

(8:56) **HURRAH**

(8:56) **I LOVE YOU SO, MY SWEET PANCAKE.**

(8:57) If you call me that I wil u.

(8:58) **ok ok nevermind**

Friday P.M.

(6:18) **BIRDIE**

(6:19) WHAT

(6:20) **SO UH OUR PLANS FOR SUNDAY**

(6:21) **HOW DID THAT GO**

(6:22) IT WENT FINE THEY ARE EXCITED TO MEET YOU AND THEY SAID IF THAT'S FINE WITH YOU THEY WILL MEET YOU BY BIG BEN AGAIN

(6:23) **OKAY THATS GREAT I HAVE A QUESTION**

(6:24) WHAT?

(6:25) **IS IT OKAY IF LUDDY COMES ALONG?  
** (6:26) What why?

(6:27) **Well, Feliciano went home for Christmas, so did Kiku, and that means hes going to be all alone.**

(6:28) Oh.

(6:29) Well...I'll talk to my parents. Okay?

(6:30) **Ok Birdie :)**

(6:31) You are such a filthy hypocrite.

(6:32) **What?!**

(6:33) :)

(6:34) **STOP MAKING SMILEY FACES**

(6:35) ._.


	13. Thirteen

To make things more readable, whenever Arthur is conversing with Alfred, his text is italics with underlining, like Elizabeta’s, but it will only occur when talking to Alfred since their text looks so similar.

* * *

Saturday P.M

 

(2:19) **Oh Birdiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee**

(2:20) Yes?

(2:21)  **I got something to tell you.**

(2:22) What?   
(2:23)  **Well….Its a surprise….**

(2:24)  **Whats big and white and awesome?** **  
** (2:25) I swear to god if you say your dick I am going to go over there and strangle you.

(2:26)  **I**

(2:27)  **I was not going to say that**

(2:28) Yeah, right. I see RIGHT through you, Gil. 

(2:29) **And I bet you like what you see ;)**

(2:30) You know what. I am through with your shit. We’re done. We’re over. I’m divorcing you.

(2:31) **But we were never married!**

(2:32) NOW WE ARE. NOW WE ARE FAKE MARRIED. AND NOW I AM FAKE DIVORCING YOU.

(2:33)  **You cant fake divorce me! I love our fake marriage too much!**

(2:34) TOO LATE PAL. I ALREADY HAVE A FAKE DIVORCE LAWYER.

(2:35)  **YOU CAN GET AS MANY LAWYERS YOU WANT BUT I GOT NO FAKE MONEY.**

(2:36) WELL, THEN I GUESS I WILL TAKE OUR FAKE CHILDREN AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS FAKE HOUSE.

(2:37) I TRUSTED YOU, GIL.

(2:38) BUT NO.

(2:38) YOU HAD TO GET FAKE FIRED AT YOUR FAKE JOB.

(2:39) AND GO AFTER THAT FAKE PROSTITUTE TOILET.

(2:40) WELL YOU KNOW WHAT.

(2:41) IT’S ALL OGRE NOW.

(2:42) **Did you just**

(2:43) I DID.

(2:44)  **YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME. I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH. AFTER ALL IVE DONE FOR YOU.**

(2:45) ALL YOU’VE DONE IS DRINK AND HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS! BUT I CAN’T HANDLE IT ANYMORE! IT’S TOO MUCH! I’M NOT PUTTING THE CHILDREN THROUGH THIS! THEY’RE TOO YOUNG FOR THIS KIND OF TRAUMA!

(2:46)  **This just got deep. Maybe we should slow down.**

(2:47) I agree….I guess I went a little too far.

(2:48)  **Birdie?**   
(2:49) Yeah?

(2:50)  **Let’s never get divorced again, fake or otherwise.**

(2:51) Agreed. And what was this ‘big, white, and awesome thing?’

(2:52)  **A snowman! :D**

(2:53) Oh mon Dieu.

(2:54)  **So are our plans still good for tomorrow?**

(2:55) Yep! This is the most anticipated I’ve ever felt on a Christmas Eve, and that’s saying something!

(2:56)  **So…..Im not the only one on the point of peeing rn right?**

(2:57) This is the only time I will ever say this, but stay close to a toilet.

(2:58)  **Oh my god….The way you and Franny and Toni say it you make it sound like I talk about toilets all the time!**

(2:59) Okay Gil. Go to bed.

(3:00)  **But its only three….?**

(3:01) BED. NOW.

 

Christmas Day

 

“Luddy, you’re going to love him!” Gilbert said enthusiastically to the taller German, who was dressed heavily. It was unusually cold tonight for London, freezing. “I mean, you’re not going to love him like Feliciano, because you two are the gayest things on the planet, and-”

“I get the idea, brother,” Ludwig said, a bit irritated, though he had a right to be--had to endure nearly an hour and a half’s talking from the albino, and it was all about the friendly little Canadian he had befriended. 

“Oh, but you don’t get the idea, because I’m telling you, Mattie is the cutest little shit I’ve ever laid eyes on, he has these violet-ish eyes and blond hair that looks orange at the tips sorta, and a little nose that’s the tiny bit crooked and it looks perpetually pink, and-”

A car sped past them, splashing them with cold water, but now, even soaking wet, Gilbert didn’t falter.

“--he wears these round glasses that make him look ten times more adorable, but he still looks really cute without them, and you’d think he’d be wheezing every other second because of his lung character but he’s actually pretty okay, and-”

An awning they had walked under sprinkled snow onto them. Ludwig shivered as his brother rambled on, people pressing in from all sides, going everywhere this Christmas evening. His brother’s neon pink scarf was unbearably bright amidst his black coat and jeans, and it made most passersby stare--which then attracted their attention to his silver hair and ruby-colored eyes.

“The clock tower is over there,” Ludwig said, abruptly cutting off Gilbert’s in-depth description of the cute little coughs Matthew made, pointing across the street. Gilbert’s face broke into a wide smile.

“Oh, are we here already? I couldn’t tell. Seems like it’s only been five minutes, huh?”

Ludwig glanced down at his soaked clothes and red hands from the cold.

_ If only _ .

They instantly spotted four figures standing near the clock tower--at least, Gilbert did. He saw at once the blond wearing the hooded jacket and dashed across the street, slipping and sliding on the ice and nearly face-planting into a pile of snow, but managing to do an impressive sort of somersault before hitting the ground.

The family watched with amused expressions as he jumped before Matthew, a wide grin on his face.

“M’lady,” He said, dramatically bowing, eyes flickering up to see Matthew’s reaction. Matthew gave a sort of grin before looking up as Ludwig crossed the street, a little embarrassed by his brother’s actions.

“Dude, he’s soooo lame,” The blond-haired boy standing next to Matthew said. They had the same face, Ludwig thought, though they had a few small differences--Matthew indeed, did have a nose that seemed the slightest bit crooked, but he wouldn’t have noticed if Gilbert hadn’t told him about it. The other blond’s nose was a bit perky and his facial features seemed to be a bit larger than Matthew’s, such as his mouth and eyes, which were framed by rectangular-shaped glasses.

Ludwig assumed this was Matthew’s brother Alfred, who Gilbert only mentioned once as ‘lame’ and ‘boring.’

“I’m Ludwig,” Ludwig said, extending his hand out to him. Alfred took it and shook it rather vigorously, his eyes still fixed on Gilbert, who was entertaining Matthew by pulling a series of stupid facial expressions.

“The name is Alfred, and before you say it, I know, I’m  _ stunningly  _ good looking,” Alfred smiled, a bright, humorous twinkle in his eyes, though all his humor was lost on him, “But, sadly, I’m taken by an espresso named Arthur.”

“Espresso?” Ludwig asked, his eyebrows contracting in confusion.

“He’s small and bitter,” Alfred explained. Ludwig only felt more confused, so he turned to the two people to Alfred’s right, who could only be the twin’s parents.

“I’m Ludwig,” Ludwig said again, extending his hand again, though they both completely ignored it--and went in for a hug. Stiffening slightly as he felt two people hug him at once, Ludwig’s eyes darted over to Gilbert, silently screaming  _ save me _ but Gilbert was too fascinated by a wild curl that stuck out randomly from the Canadian’s hair.

They finally released him, beaming. 

“I’m Jack,” The man said--he had light blond hair and blue eyes, sharing the same face as his sons. Maybe it was genetic. 

“And I’m Marie,” His wife beamed. Ludwig noticed they were both almost the same height, though the wife was a little taller. They were both, however, taller than their sons, and that was saying something--this family was comprised of giants.

“You’re Gilbert’s brother, right?” Marie asked. She had a rather friendly air about her, and seemed to have an ever-lasting shine in her eyes.

“Er--”

“Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Angel!” Gilbert elbowed Ludwig out of the way, nearly pushing his younger brother into a pile of fresh snow. Jack and Marie both raised an eyebrow.

“Angel?”   
“Well, obviously, two angels would have had to make one awesome angel,” Gilbert beckoned to Matthew, and Ludwig could have sworn he heard ‘ _ and a Satanic shit _ ’ when his hand waved over Alfred, but it must’ve been his imagination, because Matthew’s parents did respond to that, “And I wanted to meet the two lovely people that made your son.”

“Well, thank you!” Marie gushed, reaching forward and crushing Gilbert in a hug, “And Merry Christmas! Our Mattie has told us so much about you--Do us a favor and stay out of the bathroom, we’d rather you not do anything to the toilet!”

Ludwig was pleased to see that his brother’s face was burning--he wouldn’t be the only one to have suffered a humiliation tonight.

“I’m not--what are you talking about?” Gilbert laughed nervously, sticking his hands in his pockets. He normally had on a pair of normal jeans, but with the skinny jeans he was wearing, he looked very odd with his hands in his pockets.

Marie shared a knowing look with her husband before grabbing his left arm--and Jack, his right.

“We’ve heard so much about you,” Marie gushed.

“And honestly, we couldn’t wait when Mattie said we’d finally have the chance to meet you,” Jack said, and together, they began dragging Gilbert across the street to their parked car, his feet slipping and sliding on the ice.

Matthew stepped forward, smiling. He was tall, slightly taller than Gilbert, but not as tall as he himself. 

“Hi, I’m Matthew,” He said quietly, sticking his hand out, and Ludwig shook it, feeling like maybe there  _ was _ a sane person in this family.

“Ludwig,” He cleared his throat awkwardly as they crossed the street after Matthew and Alfred’s parents. Attempting to make forced, awkward small talk, Ludwig asked,

“What should I refer to your parents as?”

“Jack and Marie is fine,” Matthew answered, “Though Mr and Mrs Jones is acceptable as well.”

Ludwig gave him a blank look.

“But I thought your last name was Williams?”

“It is!” Matthew said brightly. Ludwig’s eyes darted between Matthew and Alfred, who was playing Candy Crush Saga on his phone.

“But...I thought you two were twins?”

“We are!” Matthew said.

“Half-twins!” Alfred butted in. 

Ludwig blinked and slowed down a bit as they walked ahead of him.

Now  _ that _ sounded complicated.

* * *

 

To be honest, Alfred was getting bored of these people within minutes. Yeah yeah, Mattie met with this white guy who wore pink and skinny jeans and had a funny voice. Big deal. 

But his brother appeared to be quite intimidating, and he, the hero, would have to keep a definite close eye on him. At that train of thought, his phone buzzed quietly, he swiped down to see a text message from his bittersweet muffinpop, Arthur.

(8:38) _Alfred, you left your Batman underpants at my house. Please retrieve them when convenient._

(8:39)  **Artie plz save me from this its really painful.**

(8:40) _ I don’t think spending time with Matthew is painful. On the contrary, I believe he’s much more softer and kinder than you, and a more reasonable boyfriend. But I am your boyfriend, and therefore I’m obliged to pretend I agree with you in saying it’s painful. _

(8:41) **You gotta save me plz i don’t know these people they kidnapped me!!!!**

(8:42) _ Alfred, it’s your brother’s boyfriend...Can’t you be nice and make conversation? _

(8:43)  **Uh**

(8:43)  **No??????**

(8:44)  **That’s hella stupid :/**

(8:45)  _ Oh, Alfred….Whatever will I do with you? _

(8:46) **Idk but I know what you can do to me ;;;;)**

(8:47) _And this is the part where I wish you good night and let you suffer._

(8:48 )  **NO**

(8:48) **DON’T LEAVE MEEEEEEEEEEE**

Seething at his boyfriend’s betrayal, Alfred turned his phone off and cast a glare to the albino boy being dragged to the car by his parents. Once they all piled inside it, Jack started the car as Marie said,

“Jack’s cooked a wonderful potato cheese casserole at home--you’ll love it!”

“And we’ve got condoms under the cabinet,” Jack added. Alfred and Matthew, who were used to this by now, only gave matching sighs. Gilbert, however, turned pink and, grinning, flashed his eyes over to Mattie.

“I….I uh, I….Well,” He paused stupidly, “Toni said not to frick frack before we snick snack so I….Uh…”

“Gil?” Matthew said, covering his face with his hands, “Please do us a favor...And shut up.”

* * *

 

I hoped you like this  ~~I'm a piece of shit~~ hahaha


	14. Fourteen

Gilbert was absolutely awed by the Jones’s house.

It was much more...Bigger than he expected? Not that he expected them to live in a hovel of some sorts, but he didn’t expect the house to be so _nice_.

“Are your parents rich?” He asked his Birdie incredulously.

“No,” Matthew shot him a blank look, “My dad is just really good at lying.”

“What.” But suddenly, he was shoved aside as Alfred stormed up the stairs, playing a game on his phone intently. Gilbert glanced towards Ludwig, who was awkwardly glaring down at the floor.

Meh, he’ll live for two minutes without his awesome presence.

“Birdie!” Gilbert placed his hands on both of Matthew’s shoulders and steered him a bit to the side, his heart thumping against his chest. He’d only decided to do this last week, but he hadn’t really been anticipating exactly when and how to do it. At the moment, his stomach felt like ice, and he felt his breathing turn shallow.

“Yeah, Gil?” Matthew looked at him expectantly, purplish-blue eyes staring at him over round glasses. Gilbert gave a forced grin, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“I’ve been meaning to tell you a few things,” He said, grasping the hem of his jacket to keep his hands from doing something stupid. Like pinch himself.

Matthew suddenly looked concerned. His eyebrows contracted together and he reached forward, placing a hand on Gilbert’s shoulder, sensing something was off.

“Yeah? You can tell me anything, Gilbert.”

Gilbert felt uncharacteristically nervous. It wasn’t in his nature to feel so shaky, so scared. Should he really do this now?

He allowed his eyes to wander for a few seconds, taking in the pictures, all in which two boys stood next to smiling parents happily. The only truly different one was Alfred carrying a rather irritated-looking blond on his back with a grin like the Cheshire cat. They looked very happy, and Gilbert knew that he’d probably throw himself off of the London bridge if he ruined that.

“I can tell you them later,” He said, coming to a final decision, before allowing himself to smirk. “But first, the awesome me wants to do this!”

He leaned forward, angling his head slightly and awkwardly kissing Matthew right on the lips. Matthew’s shoulders rolled back a bit in surprise, and he attempted to return it, but their teeth only awkwardly clacked together and they both gave up after a couple of seconds.

Well, first kisses weren’t perfect.

“Oh booooyyysssss!” Marie’s voice echoed throughout the entire house, and the flannel-wearing woman entered the living room, where Gilbert and Matthew were still standing. She placed her hand on her hip, scanning the room.

“My only request is, don’t do it on the couch. I rather like the pattern.”

Then, with a flip of her hair, she left the room.

“Does she really expect us to…?” Gilbert asked, eyes following the tall woman. Matthew shook his head, his cheeks tinging pink in embarrassment.

“No, she just does that stuff to scare us off from actually doing it. She did it on Lars, too, and he was so awkward the whole time that he kind of couldn’t talk throughout the entirety of dinner.”

“Lars sounds lame,” Gilbert said, only to flinch when Matthew delivered a not-so-light friendly punch to the albino’s shoulder.

“Hey, be nice. I can easily throw you out in the eyes.”

“Don’t you mean ice, Birdie?”

“No, I mean eyes,” Matthew deadpanned, looking Gilbert right in the eye, “Our collection of eyes, Gilbert. Those who disrespected us. I can throw you in them.”

The only thing that prevented Gilbert doing something incredibly stupid in response to this was Marie’s repetitive call of “DINNER!”

Thundering footsteps were heard above, and suddenly a blurry shape crashed into the staircase banister.

“FOOD!” It was Alfred’s voice.

“Well, let’s go eat then, eh?” Matthew smiled at Gilbert, which was a bit lopsided, he noted, but it just made him even cuter and dorkier. Gilbert grinned, and patted the top of Matthew’s head.

“Stay this way forever, Mattie. Don’t Neville Longbottom me.”

Matthew’s smile turned into a look of confusion.

“Neville Longbottom?”

“You know. Suddenly become a sex god. Just stay really dorky and really cute, okay?”

“Okay, Gil.”

Gilbert followed Matthew into the dining room, where two extra chairs were added to the table. Ludwig looked very awkwardly put-out, so, being the amazingly awesome big brother he is, Gilbert strode over to greet them.

“How ya doin’, Luddy?”

“Awkward, not fine, I want to leave here,” Ludwig said bluntly, “But there is nothing waiting for me back at school.”

“Aww. That’s my brother. So not afraid to share his horrible feelings with me.”

“Gilbert, you know I don’t like meeting people I don’t know.”

“I dunno, man. It was probably the best day of your life when you were forcibly partnered up with Misters Feliciano Vargas and Kiku Honda for a science project.”

Ludwig flinched slightly.

“Don’t remind me of that, I still have the burns.”

Gilbert gave a laugh and stood up on tiptoe so he was nearly eye-level with his brother, booping him in the nose.

“Enjoy dinner, brother o’ mine.”

“Shut up.”

They sat down at the table, where Marie, Matthew, and Alfred already sat. Gilbert had barely scooted his chair in when Jack entered, balancing a dish of casserole precariously in the crook of his elbow. He gave a grin, which was much more lopsided than his son’s, and set it down carefully on the table, along with many plates.

“Dig in!” He bowed dramatically, tufty hair brushing the tablecloth. Gilbert instantly reached over, scooping up a large piece of casserole and dropping it down onto his plate. Matthew watched with an amused expression on his face.

Hell fucking _yes,_ he was hella hungry. Stuffing a bite into his mouth, Gilbert chewed, savoring…

Oh god. This was _horrible_. What the fuck. This tasted awful? Like really really awful? Gilbert continued chewing, an expression of apathy on his face, but on the inside he was actually screaming. Ludwig was already eating beside him, but a quick, shared, painful glance said that his younger brother agreed that the food was _awful_.

The Jones ((+Williams)) were eating the food perfectly normally, however, oblivious to the boys. Alfred dumped ketchup all over his casserole while Matthew sprinkled syrup on his.

This family was nuts.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Matthew watched Gilbert out of the corner of his eye anxiously, waiting for either a negative or a positive reaction to the meal. When the expression on Gilbert’s face remained exactly the same, he took this as a good sign.

Sir Awesomeness approves the meal, Matthew thought with a silently sigh of relief. He began eating his own casserole.

What Gilbert wanted to tell him, he didn’t have the slightest idea, but it was fun to guess. Though, it was hard to guess, because while Gilbert may be a predictable in text, he seemed almost unpredictable in real life. Matthew was sure Gilbert knew much more about him than he knew about Gilbert.

But, he supposed, he couldn’t rush things. He was still a bit new to dating him, and he’d only ever met him once in real life before, and that surely didn’t count as much, right? Maybe they could start seeing each other more often, and actually getting to _know_ him.

His brother was a bit weird, too, Matthew marvelled, chewing his food thoughtfully. He was big and silent, quite the opposite of his brother, though despite the sort of intimidating aura he was giving off, he seemed really out-of-place, unsure of this environment. He was just as difficult to read as Gilbert was.

Alfred, to his right, however, couldn’t care less.

“Maaaaan, Artie really wants me to buy him this new album,” Alfred was saying to his brother, his casserole more like a casserole-and-ketchup soup sludge, “I’m thinking about maybe caving and buying it for him. What do you think?”

“Yes.” Matthew responded, still watching Gilbert.

“Are you paying attention?” Alfred asked, glancing at his twin.

“Mm-hmm.”

“Mattie. Mattie, I’m telling this to you, but when we were eleven and dad told me to clean the toilet, I used your toothbrush.”

“Yep.”

“I’m also actually a woman.”

“Yep.”

“And since we’re technically identical, that means you are too.”

“Sure.”

“Because identical twins can’t be the same gender.”

“That’s what she said.”

Alfred squinted at Matthew, who was barely paying him any attention. Finally, he puffed air out of his cheeks and groaned,

“Laaaame.”

“Yes,” Matthew nodded, before finally breaking his attention away from Gilbert, who had looked up, made eye contact with him, and grinned. His stomach was fluttering, and he too gave a smile. Until he felt a sudden, stabbing pain in his chest, and his smile quickly turned into a grimace.

_Not now, please. Any time but now._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things I have been asked and am answering--
> 
> Q: Are you still thirteen?  
> A: Yes.
> 
> Q: Do you live in London?  
> A: No.
> 
> Q: Are you European?  
> A: No.
> 
> Q: Will anybody die?  
> A: ;0)
> 
> ~~~~~~~~~~~
> 
> Reviews are inspiration! Favorites are love! Follows alert you when this story has updated! Do all three and I'm a very happy person!


	15. Fifteen

Matthew’s hand suddenly jumped to his chest, and Gilbert knew something was off at once. Leaning to the side, Matthew took a shallow gasp of air before coughing. Marie jumped to her feet, reaching over and taking a hold of her son’s wrist.

“You okay?” She asked, and Matthew nodded, taking another breath, but this time it was deeper. His hand remained clutched tight to his chest, and Gilbert could feel Ludwig looking at him, but he had eyes only for Matthew. Alfred was on his feet too, and he had an arm wrapped around his twin’s shoulders as Matthew begun breathing deeply in and out, in and out. The merry Christmas atmosphere suddenly seemed intense and heavy, and Gilbert was only vaguely aware of the fact that his hands were clenching the edge of the table tightly. He felt Ludwig place a light hand on his shoulder, and then on his own hand, but Gilbert barely felt it, barely felt anything. For a moment, Matthew’s hair was blonder and shorter, his eyes blue like their father’s, but Gilbert blinked and Matthew looked the same as ever.

It took a few minutes to realize that the Canadian was talking to him.

“Gilbert? Are you okay?” Matthew’s face was pale, and his eyes were trained on Gilbert. Ludwig stood up, bringing Gilbert with him by grabbing him from his underarm, and he said,

“Bathroom.”

The brothers left the dining room and stood there for a moment, and Gilbert finally remembered to breathe. Inhaling, he focused on Ludwig, who looked a little shaken, but concerned.

“Are you alright?” Ludwig asked him quietly, and Gilbert was aware that his voice sounded faraway and distant.

“No,” Gilbert answered honestly, “I think...I want to go home.”

Ludwig still looked concerned, but he nodded.

“Right, we’ll ask the Jones to drive us back to--”

Gilbert’s hand gripped Ludwig’s upper arm, and he said,

“No, Luddy. Home.”

Ludwig’s expression softened, and he muttered something before leaving his brother. Within a few moments, he was back.

“Marie’s agreed to do it,” He said, “And I’m assuming you don’t want Matthew to come?”

But Gilbert didn’t answer him, only walked to the front door and put on his coat. Marie approached Ludwig and they began to talk in quiet voice, and Gilbert didn’t care what they were talking about, even though he knew the subject was of him. Sliding on his boots, he jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder. Glancing up, he saw Matthew standing there, looking hurt.

“Gilbert?”

Matthew’s voice, though hoarse,  sounded sharp and clear. The world came back to focus in an instant.

“Yeah, Birdie?”

Matthew stared at Gilbert for a second before lowering his voice, eyebrows drawing together, as he asked,

“Are you...Okay?”

“I’m fine,” Gilbert brushed him off, backing away from him a bit, “I’m fine, Birdie, I just...I need to go somewhere, but I’ll be right back, okay?....”

Matthew stared at him once again before nodding, and then coming forward and wrapping his arms hesitantly around Gilbert. Gilbert felt oddly heavy, as if he were wearing soaked clothing, as he gently pushed Matthew away from him. Opening the door, he stepped out into the freezing cold and waited for Marie and Ludwig to accompany him.

* * *

“Your boyfriend is psycho,” Alfred said absentmindedly as he scrolled through his phone, sitting next to Matthew on the couch. Matthew hugged a pillow to his chest, looking a bit put-out.

“Something was wrong,” Matthew said quietly. Alfred heard the concern in his brother’s voice and looked up, seeing that his twin was visibly bothered.

“It’s okay, Mattie,” Alfred sat up, placing a hand on his shoulder, “They’re with mom, I’m sure they’re fine.”

“But why did they leave?” Matthew wondered, and Alfred gave a shrug. To heck if he knew.  His phone buzzed in his hand, and he quickly checked the message.

(10:38)  _ Everything good? _

(10:39) **Yeah everything is fine and jolly and dandy arthur except that mattie looks like he just witnessed a cat being sucked into a vacuum cleaner so idk you tell me**

(10:41)  _ Tell the poor lad everything’s probably fine. _

“Arthur says that you worry too much,” Alfred murmured to his brother.

“Tell Arthur that he’s a fire hazard.”

(10:42) **He says thanks.**

(10:43)  _ That’s good. And if he needs anything, he can call me, okay? _

(10:44)  **Omg no youre MY boyfriend.**

(10:45) _Just pass on the message, will you?_

“He says that your  _ mom _ is a fire hazard.”

“Alfred, we have the same mom.”

“I’m just passing on the message.”

“Tell him that his eyebrows are so thick if he were to shave them he’d have enough hair to create an entire wig,” Matthew spat venomously.

(10:47)  **He says sure thing.**

(10:48 )  _ Thanks, Alfred, I know I can count on you. _

(10:49)  **Sure**

Looking over at his twin again, Alfred noted that he had begun staring blankly at the door, as if expecting it to tell him when Gilbert, Marie, and Lud-whatever would be returning. Setting his phone aside, Alfred gave his brother a light pat before deciding to help his dad with the dishes. He could tell when his brother wanted to be alone, and now was one of those times.

* * *

  
Matthew stared at the door for a solid ten minutes before it finally opened, and the three people he had been waiting for came in, all with pink colored patches on their cheeks from the cold weather. Gilbert looked much better than when he had left, and gave Matthew a light smile as he crossed the room.

“Hey, Birdie.”

Matthew felt a bit of anger at his sudden light-heartedness, but squashed it down as he smiled back. Ludwig looked solemn and sat down on the couch opposite of Matthew, and Marie went to, presumably, look for Jack.

“Where’d you guys go?” Matthew asked as Gilbert sat down on the couch next to him, pressing himself against the Canadian to gather warmth.

“Graveyard,” Gilbert said, “the one where my parents are buried.”

“Oh,” Matthew’s voice sounded small.

The rest of the evening was spent awkwardly, and when it was time for Ludwig and Gilbert to go, Matthew only said a quick ‘bye’ to Gilbert before turning his back on him and going upstairs.

* * *

 

Monday 

(8:18)  _ Mon ami, mind telling us what transpired? You didn’t look too happy. _

(8:19)  we are worried amigo!!!! o(╥﹏╥)o

(8:19)  **Guys stfu Im in the bathroom.**

(8:20)  _ I don’t care. What happened? _

(8:21)  **I just freaked out ok?**

(8:22)  _ Define ‘freaked out.’ _

(8:23)  did you do the macarena in a tutu with a sword????? ⇎_⇎

(8:24)  **What no**

(8:25)  _ What the fuck even is that face Toni???? _

(8:26) youll never take me alive ̿̿’̿’\̵͇̿̿\=(⊙⌢⊙)=/̵͇̿̿/’̿̿ ̿ ̿ ̿

(8:27)  **Uh….Ok well I just sort of had a bad time, okay? Can we drop the subject?**

(8:28)  _ Fine, whatever. _

(8:29)  wait did you guys

(8:29)  you know

(8:30) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(8:31)  **What**

(8:32) did you????

(8:32)  _ I…? _

(8:33) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ͜ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°)ʖ ͡°)  say it diddly doo da

(8:34)  **Toni wtf are you even talking about**

(8:35)  mario kart dumbass

* * *

 

Pacing back and forth in the bathroom, Gilbert studied the phone of his screen intently, wondering if he should do it or not. Would it be too early to call? Would it? Or would it be too late? Was Matthew perhaps pissed with him?

He was alone in the bathroom, and every step he made seemed to echo off the walls so loudly it was as if many sodium bombs were being dropped into the toilets. Biting his lip, Gilbert stared down at the contact number labeled “Birdie.” Should he do it? 

What if Birdie was _ beyond  _ pissed? What if he pulled a Roddy and just dropped Gilbert like a sack of potatoes, left him hanging there, for someone else to find, for someone else to pick up the broken pieces?

Over and over his thumb hovered over the ‘call’ button, but he never pressed it, sweat forming on his forehead. It was now ten o’clock, classes had started hours ago, and he might as well stay in here until lunch. Sliding against the wall and sitting on the floor, Gilbert placed his phone in his pocket and rested his head on his knees.

He hadn’t been planning on an attack yesterday like that, but then again, they were called attacks for a reason, weren’t they? You weren’t supposed to know they were coming, and when they did, it bit you in the ass so hard you probably started yodeling in the middle of your cries of pain.

But what if Matthew thought that Gilbert was mad at him? Oh no, he couldn’t have that, Matthew didn’t do anything wrong...Guilt weighed heavily on his chest, and not just about that one issue, but many. He could suddenly every single one of his faults imprinted upon his skin, see everything he caused written before him, and he once again hovered his finger over the ‘call’ button.

Should he explain himself?

Should he…?

Would Matthew be mad that he had lied to him…?

With being boyfriends must have come friendship, and with friendship must have come trust, and Gilbert felt like he had just betrayed Matthew’s trust, and Matthew was an honest person, a good person.

He wasn’t good enough for Matthew. With this knowledge in mind, he called Matthew’s number at last, prepared to tell Matthew everything, but on the second ring, hung up again.

No, he was being ridiculous. Ridiculous, ridiculous….

This was a process that repeated. He called Matthew, but only a second or two after he did he hung up quickly before the phone could ever actually be answered. He stood up, paced the bathroom again, then sat down. A few boys ventured into it as the day progressed, but none paid him attention. By one o’clock, he felt sick and tired of the building anticipation in his stomach.

Dialing Matthew’s number by hand this time, he waited, waited for three full rings before Matthew picked up with a “hello”, and in an instant, Gilbert was spilling everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im game for any theories yall might have lmao


	16. Sixteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m trying to make Marie and Jack a bit weird (because honestly, you’ve got to have weird parents if they name you Alfred Fucking Jones) and I tried basing their personalities on multiple people at once. Marie is a combination of Star from Star vs. and Wendy from Gravity Falls, as well as Amethyst from Steven Universe and Luna from Harry Potter. Unfortunately this has made me read everything Marie says in Star’s voice and it cracks me up. Jack is based off Greg Universe from Steven Universe, and a bit of Jake from Adventure Time (in the way that he is irresponsible). There might also be mild Jake English in his character. Basically I’m as uncreative as fuck and I’m letting you guys know that. Kk bye

Matthew was already having a bad day.

Waking up and glancing at his phone screen, seeing a few mixed texts, but unable to look at them, in case one of them was from Gilbert. He wasn’t trying to avoid him, or be so rude, but he honestly felt as if he was missing something, an important puzzle piece, a certain part of a math equation. Breakfast was the same as always--slightly burnt pancakes that he’s grown too used to.

“Cheer up, Mattie,” Marie sang, dropping two pancakes onto his plate, “I’m sure everything is fi-ii-ne!”

“Indeed,” Jack agreed with his wife, spreading butter on his newspaper. Like, who even reads the newspaper anymore? But Marie and Jack Jones were eccentric and strange in many ways, and having their children call them by their first names was just the tip of the weird pile.

Alfred, however, was in disagreement with his parents.

“I don’t trust Gilbert,” he said, maple syrup dribbling down his chin a bit, “He’s a bit shady, if you ask me.”

“But nobody did, Al,” Jack smiled.

“Burn,” Marie said, throwing a pancake at his face. Alfred caught in his mouth, but the flying pancake had sprayed Matthew with syrup in the process.

“I’m going to go take a shower,” Matthew grumbled, the feeling of thick syrupy sweetness in his hair not very pleasant.

~~~~~

Over and over again, he reached for his phone, but over and over again, he decided against it. What was making him feel this way? That something was horribly wrong and Gilbert wasn’t telling him a big part of his life?

_ It’s weird _ , Matthew thought,  _ Because I’ve told Gil so much about Al and I but I don’t know so much about him either. _

I mean, sure, he knew of he and his friends and their antics, and how much he loved Ludwig, and despised Elizabeta for ‘stealing’ Roderich, and that he didn’t really care much for his grandfather, and that his parents were dead, but what did Matthew _ really _ know? He didn’t even know where Gilbert went to  _ school  _ for Pete’s sake!

And isn’t Gilbert from  _ Germany _ ? Didn’t his parents  _ die  _ in Germany? How could they  _ possibly _ be buried in  _ Britain _ ? 

_ Maybe he’s lied to you this whole time _ , a snide and nasty voice echoed in his mind,  _ Maybe there was a different reason he broke up with Roderich. Maybe Gilbert was crazy. _

_ You’re insane,  _ Matthew spat back angrily, but it wasn’t until he noticed Alfred staring at him did he realize he had said this out loud.

“Yo,” Alfred said awkwardly, and Matthew tosses his phone aside, definitely not going to check any messages of any sort with his twin around. 

“Yo,” Matthew responded half-heartedly. He hoped Alfred would be too immersed in watching TV to bother him, but to his dismay, Alfred scooted closer to him, pausing the TV.

“What’s the matter, Matthew?” Alfred asked, voice full of concern, “You’re not any fun today. I had five hamburgers in a row and you didn’t even challenge me to an eating contest.”

“I’m not in the mood today, Alfred,” Matthew pushed Alfred away from him, adjusting himself so he was sitting Indian style on the couch, “I just...I...I don’t know, Al. Not today.”

“Well...Is it...You know,” Alfred tapped Matthew’s chest, and Matthew got the message. He shook his head, but his twin raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

“No, Alfred,” Matthew said quickly, “God no, my chest….No, I’m breathing just fine, okay? You don’t have to be worried about me.”

Alfred gave him a skeptical look.

“I’m fine,” Matthew’s voice faltered. “On second thought, no, I’m not fine.”

“Is it Doucheface?” Alfred asked, cocking his head to the side. Matthew blinked.

“Do you mean Gilbert?”

“Yeah, him,” Alfred said, tossing the remote aside and nestling more comfortably into the couch. Jack’s off-key singing could be heard throughout the house. Lowering his voice as if not to be heard, Alfred said,

“Mattie, I don’t trust him. He acted really weird.”

“I know he did,” Matthew said weakly, “But I’m sure that there’s a reason for it all, you know, a logical explanation…”

“And I’ve been thinkin’,” Alfred said, as if Matthew hadn’t spoken, “You said his parents died in Germany, right? Well, how could he have been at a cemetery or whatever, or wherever they’re buried, if they’re dead in Germany? Like, a lot dead? They can’t be a little dead and then die a lot in Britain, right?”

“You’ve lost me,” Matthew deadpanned.

“Look, I’m just saying, if I were you, I’d break up with Gilbert,” Alfred said with a shrug, before reaching for the remote again. Matthew must have looked as scandalized as he felt, because Alfred said quickly, “Of course, that’s the  _ easier _ solution, but you could, you know, demand an answer out of him and don’t leave him alone until he tells the truth and shit.”

“Al, that might have been the smartest thing you’ve ever said,” Matthew rolled his eyes.

“Calm the fuck down and get off your high and mighty horse,” Alfred shot back, “In  _ case  _ you’ve forgotten, I currently have a an A* and you have a B.  _ Calm the fuck down _ .”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Matthew did consider Alfred’s suggestions over and over again, wondering if he should really break up with Gilbert. I mean, it was so stupid. He shouldn’t just break up with someone in case they lied about a few things...There must have been a good reason to do so, right? Gilbert was a good person at times, Matthew said to himself, but the nasty voice at the back of his head begged to differ.

But what if he lied because he had been covering up something really bad? What if Gilbert did something to warrant  _ jail time _ ?

It was killing him. Just pick up the goddamn phone!, he screamed at himself, though this time in his head, and he grabbed his phone and began putting in his password, before stopping himself and flinging it across the room.

Oh, this was so  _ stupid _ ! If Gilbert wanted to talk to him about things, he could do it himself, Matthew wasn’t about to  _ force _ himself onto Gilbert with a subject he maybe didn’t want to discuss right now. 

_ Or possibly he’s never going to talk about it, and keep leading you in the dark _ , the nasty voice in his head hissed,  _ once a liar, always a liar. _

Shut up, you sodding turd testicle, Matthew hissed back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Fortunately, Matthew doesn’t have to be the one to call.

Unfortunately, when Gilbert does, Matthew just wishes he never did, and he could go to sleep and wake up and forget everything, especially the fact that a boy named Gilbert Beilschmidt existed.

In the kitchen and pouring himself a glass of apple juice, balancing a plate of peanut butter and jelly in his hands, his phone suddenly rang, before abruptly cutting off. Raising an eyebrow, Matthew picked up his phone, but the screen lit up again, before stopping again. Well, that was strange.

He sat himself down on top of the breakfast table, watching his phone screen light up and then stop again for a few minutes, chewing on his sandwich. Finally, it lit up again, and stayed lit, for several seconds. Sighing, Matthew picked up his phone and put in his password, before catching a glimpse of who was calling. Well of fucking course, it was Gilbert.

Pressing the green ‘answer’ button, Matthew held the phone to his ear and said,

“Hello?”

Best just start light and casual, and hoped it stayed that way.

But then Gilbert’s voice was spilling in his ear, high-pitched, panicked.

“I’m so so  _ sorry _ ,” He said, and his voice was that high-pitched strained sound that people made before crying, or holding back tears or whatever. A high pitched voice that he had come to associate with someone who’d just done something very very bad, and was not handling it very well.

“I’m sorry, Birdie, I’m _ sorry _ , I just,  _ everything _ is my fault, and I’m _ so  _ so stupid and I should have told you everything sooner, and I don’t think we should date anymore because Mattie you’re a  _ good person _ and and--” Gilbert’s voice stopped, and for a fateful moment Matthew feared Gilbert had stopped breathing. He didn’t even notice that he had dropped his glass of apple juice on the ground. Then Gilbert’s breathing sounded, but this time, it was like dry heaving.

“Gilbert,” Matthew said, and was startled to hear that his own voice was deadly calm, flat and toneless even, “Gilbert, I don’t think we should talk about this now. Not here. On the phone.”

He thought Gilbert might not even have heard him over his own breathing, but then he said,

“Yeah, yeah of course, no I’m sorry, I’m sorry Matthew, I’m a stupid person, I’m  _ sorry _ .”

Matthew wasn’t sure what was going on, but he slid off the table (avoiding the glass, mind you) before putting on his coat, absently fiddling with the buttons.

“Gilbert? You still there?” Matthew asked, concern nagging at the back of his mind, but his current state of emotion prevented him from feeling anything but numb right now.

Gilbert doesn’t respond. He’s silent. Matthew fears once again that he’s stopped breathing. Then Gilbert says,

“Meet me. Across the street from Big Ben.”

Matthew’s breath catches in his throat, and he closes his eyes, having to ask that one question.

“Why?” His voice catches along with his breath, and he swallows, before breathing out, “What did you do, Gilbert?”

Gilbert’s voice hitches. It catches, and then he breathes out, in a short gasp.

“I’m a bad person, Matthew,” His voice is shaky, strained, “ _ I’m such a bad person. _ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay but the real bad person here is me follow if u agree and reviews are warmly appreciated okay


	17. Seventeen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey look two updates in a week its christmas
> 
> Idk if there are actually any cafes across from Big Ben, but you know what? This is a high school au, lets also make this ‘there’s a cafe directly across from the Big Ben’ au. Also Opa’s (Gilbert and Ludwig’s grandfather (Germania)) opinion of the British aren’t mine and should be taken lightly and not as an offense to them.

Matthew’s been waiting for nearly fifteen minutes, and hasn’t moved. Tapping his fingers lightly against the table of the cafe that was directly across from the Big Ben clock tower (with tourists milling about and snapping pictures, ugh. Maybe it was just him being used to it, but he didn’t find it so impressive) he awaited Gilbert. Matthew wasn’t sure what to feel. Scared? Angry? Worried? The only thing he felt right now was numbness.

Because, there was a possibility that that voice was right. The snide, nasty voice that’s been muttering ideas, planting seeds of doubt might actually be right about Gilbert.

The coffee he ordered hasn’t been touched at all. He doesn’t even know why he ordered it. He has about as much appetite as a dead slug.

His phone suddenly dinged, and Matthew hastily put in his password, only to see it was Alfred who had texted him.

(1:02)  **MATTIE ARE YOU OK???!?!? ARE YOU DYING?!?!?!?! IS EVERYTHING ALRIGHT?!?!**

(1:03 **)** Relax, Al, I’m okay.

**(1:04) Oh well in that case FUCK YOU i stepped on fucking GLASS BAREFOOT maybe CLEAN UP NEXT TIME and i didn’t know where you had gone so i was really worried. :(**

(1:05) You should probably tell Jack that you cut your foot.

(1:06) **Nah artie handled it he’s here rn. :D**

(1:06) Good. That should keep you occupied for a while.

(1:07) **If you know what I mean ;) ;) ;)**

(1:08) Alfred, despite what she says, I don’t think our mother would condone you having sex on the couch. Some people eat there, you know.

(1:09) **Omg mattie what are you suggesting we were just going to play mario kart. I’m so gonna beat artie at rainbow road this time. You’ll see.**

(1:10) Text me when you’ve chalked up to your 107th loss in a row.

(1:10)  **Hahaha.** :D

(1:11)  **Fuck you. And your eyebrows** . :D

(1:12) ?? Leave my eyebrows out of this please, they are perfectly innocent.

(1:13)  **Sorry mattie bro, i’m so used to saying that to artie.** :P

The barrage of texts ended, and Matthew, no longer distracted, was brought painfully back to the unknown present, where he was currently waiting for someone who he’s known for a little more than two and a half months, and been dating for less.

When he put it that way, it sounded ridiculous.

_ I barely know him _ , Matthew realized,  _ and I hardly see him. This isn’t dating. This is...This is… _

But what it was, Matthew didn’t know. 

1:30 came and went, and Matthew was ready to go home, into his warm bed and try to go to sleep, to forget any of this had ever happened, when he saw a familiar bright pink scarf.

It wasn’t cheerfully draped across Gilbert’s shoulders like last time, but instead flung haphazardly around his neck, as if it had been a last minute decision he didn’t really care for. He had his head bowed and his hands stuck in his pockets, and Matthew immediately stood up to greet him.

There was silence for a few moments, and when Gilbert looked up, it took all of Matthew’s willpower not say ‘holy shit.’

When people were sick, they got pale. But not Gilbert. Perhaps it was because he was as pale as he could be, but his skin looked...Grayish, as well as his hair, which lay nearly flat on his head. Purplish black circles ringed his eyes, which were wide open and full of energy. But bad energy, very bad energy.

“Matthew,” Gilbert said, and Matthew realized how much it hurt to be greeted like this, rather than the ‘Birdie’ he had become so accustomed to. Gilbert gripped Matthew’s forearm, and for a moment, Matthew was afraid that the albino would faint. Slowly reaching up and placing his hands on Gilbert’s shoulders, Matthew steadied his boyfriend, looking him in the eye.

“Calm down,” Matthew said lightly, and his voice was quiet, but it was as soothing as he could make it. Seeing Gilbert like this kindled a hope in Matthew’s gut. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as Gilbert was making it out to be, because Gilbert overreacted to things, Matthew knew, and maybe Gilbert had done something not at all bad. 

But this hope was quickly extinguished, as Gilbert sank himself into Matthew’s chest, shoulders slumped. No, no, no, this was so unnatural, Gilbert wasn’t like this, he was loud and funny and obnoxious and he wasn’t quiet, and he didn’t get scared, and he--

It took Matthew a moment to realize that Gilbert was crying silently.

They’re standing in the middle of a crowded London street, with people all around, but Matthew knows that they need some privacy. Lightly gripping Gilbert’s shoulder, Matthew steered him out of the street and into a backhand alley some ways off that didn’t reek too badly or have any evil-looking cats prowling within.

The two teens stood there in silence, staring at one another. Gilbert’s eyes were now dry, but oddly sharp and clear, as if he were seeing everything clearly for the first time. Finally, Matthew spoke.

“There’s something we need to talk about?” He phrased it as a question, and yet Gilbert suddenly looked sicker than he had before. He nodded rapidly, arms crossed across his chest, and Matthew leaned against the wall, trying to make understanding of anything. He had to clear a few things up, first, before they delved into things. Taking a deep breath, Matthew started off with,

“Is it...A bad thing?”

Gilbert’s voice sounded hoarse as he said, “Yeah. It is.”

Matthew nodded, closing his eyes, “How bad?”

He couldn’t see Gilbert’s expression as he said, “Very. Very bad.” 

There was more silence, and Matthew felt as if he were being shoved down a very, very tight tube to be compacted into a square.

“What did you do, Gilbert?” Matthew opened his eyes, trying to make his voice sound as caressing, as understanding, as possible, to soothe Gilbert and calm his nerves. Gilbert looked up at Matthew, and seemed to notice that they were only inches away from each other, because he suddenly took a few steps back.

“I did something really bad, Birdie,” Gilbert said, and though his voice was still hoarse, it sounded stronger than before, “And sometimes, I have attacks. And I don’t know when they’re coming.”

Matthew nodded, having a mild understanding of what he was talking about. It’s not like he could control when his lungs decided to spasm out.

“And it’s all because of a bad thing I did, Birdie,” Gilbert’s voice is going faster and faster, “And it’s the reason why Roderich broke up with me, and it’s the reason why I only have two friends, and it’s the reason why I’m so--goddamn--protective--of--”

Gilbert turned and began retching, but to Matthew’s immense relief, Gilbert seemed to have nothing in his system to throw up. Then he thought that maybe that was a bad thing.

Gilbert straightened up again, and continued,

“It’s the reason for a lot of things. But I did something really bad,” Gilbert suddenly leaned into Matthew, shoulders drawing up to his ears, “And you’re going to get hurt if you stay around me, because everyone else has.”

“That’s...Not right,” Matthew said. He had wanted to say  _ That’s completely and utterly stupid _ , but with Gilbert’s state of emotion right now he wasn’t sure he could manage it. Maybe if Gilbert would get to the point already, he’d know what to think.

_ Oh, stop being so selfish, _ he chided himself,  _ this is obviously hard enough on Gil, I should be considerate right now. _

“What did you do, Gilbert?” Matthew asked, lightly brushing a bit of hair that had fallen into the albino’s eyes. Patience, patience, patience is what is needed right now.

“I’ve killed people, Birdie,” Gilbert said, and Matthew felt his heart stop for a moment. He hoped, for a fleeting second, that Gilbert was joking, playing a sick joke on Matthew, but there’s a dead serious look in Gilbert’s eyes, and Matthew found himself asking,

“But...Why…?”

Gilbert looked sickly again, and turned to retch once more, only this time, he did cough up what looked like the remains milk and bread. This time, instead of straightening up, Gilbert fell to his knees, and coughed,

“That’s why we should...Break up, or I should disappear, or, or…”

There was retching again, but he stuffed his own fingers down his throat to cough it up and get it over with. Matthew watched, horrified, legs numb, heart pounding. This didn’t make any sense. No way that Gilbert could have killed anybody, no way, no one.

“What do you...You killed people?” Matthew slid down to the floor with Gilbert, feeling far away, distant. This was one of the worst things he could have imagined Gilbert saying--but never, did he actually expect--he could hardly comprehend--

“Yeah,” Gilbert sounded like he was about to cry again, “Yeah, my mom and dad.”

“But…” Matthew shook his head, trying to clear it of the dense fog forming in his mind, trying to make sense of something, “But they died in a car crash, right?...”

“They did,” Gilbert muttered, before looking at Matthew, “A car crash I caused.”

* * *

 

Mr. and Mrs. Beilschmidt were quite frankly, rich. 

This wasn’t an exaggeration of any sorts, it was, true fact, that they were rich. Their sons currently attended a highly expensive private school, where Ludwig quickly rose to become the favorite of all teachers who had him, while Gilbert constantly got himself in trouble.

But, his parents were away so much, Gilbert didn’t even care if he got in trouble. A letter would simply be sent to his house, where it would be piled with the rest of the mail that nobody had bothered checking. Gilbert had grown to not care what his parents did or thought, and yet, it did matter to him what Ludwig thought.

It was three years in a row now that they had missed Ludwig’s birthday, and Gilbert wasn’t going to have it.

“Come on,” Roderich muttered as Gilbert quickly buckled his pants, a shit-eating grin on his face, “I’ll never be able to meet your parents at this rate.”

“Trust me, Roddy, you don’t want to,” Gilbert said, before opening the closet door and stepping out. Roderich followed, tucking his shirt back into his pants like the poser he was. He could look as neat as he wanted on the outside, but Gilbert knew for a fact that the fucking aristocrat was a slob.

“Have a happy Christmas,” Gilbert told Roderich as he stepped out of the house.

“You too.”

Ushering Roderich out of the house had been the easy part. Greeting his parents, was not.

Mom and Dad Beilschmidt weren’t very nice people. It was best not to ask where they made their fortune from, but no matter how they made it or how rude they were, Gilbert knew it hurt his brother every time they didn’t show up for his birthday. 

“Let’s go pick up Ludwig from practice,” Mrs. Beilschmidt said to her husband after all hello’s were said, “Dinner will be ready soon.”

“Right,” Mr. Beilschmidt said back. Gilbert found it weird to address them as Mom and Dad, as they had a lack of actual experience in being his mom and dad. Maybe the first few glorious years of his life they had been capable and responsible parents, but moving to Britain seemed to have hardened them. As Opa would say, the British were tea-drinking cunts who’d give you the time of day along with a lowkey insult to your mother. At least Opa was honest and blunt.

The car was, of course, expensive. Gilbert would like to say that he remember everything, but the only things that really stood out sharply in his memory were the moments before, during, and after the whole incident. 

“So,” Gilbert said about halfway on the ride to the practice field. His parents were only going to pick Ludwig up and take them out to dinner before disappearing next morning, as always. What an excellent Christmas.

“So, boy?” Mr. Beilschmidt asked, gaze flickering towards Gilbert’s. Gilbert gave a false smile back, knowing if he at least seemed polite he’d at least make some impact upon his father.

“Luddy’s birthday was a couple of weeks ago.”

“Ah, it was?” Mrs. Beilschmidt asked absently as she checked her phone, and Gilbert was used to this behavior, but as always when it came to Luddy, he was highly sensitive and protective.

“Yeah, his fifteenth,” Gilbert said casually leaning forward. He never wore a seatbelt back then, but now wore one religiously, “He really missed you guys.”

“I’m sure he did,” Mr. Beilschmidt said, though his voice was robotic and a practiced tone. Or it might have been his casual tone. There was no difference, really.

Gilbert groaned inwardly at his fucking cliche life--uncaring rich parents. He was sure that there were definitely rich parents out there that cared for their children lovingly and kindly, but his parents didn’t fit that mold. He only assumed that it had to do with both of them growing up rough on the streets and now, they were rolling in money, and were desperate to never going back to that lifestyle again.

But no matter the excuse, it would never make up for missing Ludwig’s birthday again. 

“It’d be great if you two, you know, took your heads out of your asses for once and actually attended one of them,” Gilbert said with a shrug, smiling for real at the spark of annoyance in Mr. Beilschmidt’s eyes, “You’ve missed a bunch of important birthdays, man. Thirteen, fourteen, fifteen...And we’re never going to forget his eighth birthday, that one too.”

“We’re busy, honey,” Mrs. Beilscmidt sighed, “With work and everything...Maintaining our jobs.”

“Yeah, but...It’s Luddy,” Gilbert said angrily, “Your kid, you know.”

The car rumbled as they slowed in front of a red light. Gilbert could feel his anger boiling beneath his skin, as always. His quick temper would surely get in trouble, but for now, he felt like giving his parents the talking to they deserved.

Marko and Olivette Beilschmidt weren’t good people or good parents, but they should at least make an effort. Ludwig and Gilbert didn’t ask them to have them as their parents. Ludwig deserved better.

“Son, business is a delicate matter,” Mr. Beilschmidt explained as the cars began moving forward again, “And we can’t just attend birthday part--”

“You should,” Gilbert leaned forward so he was closer to his father, “You should actually give a shit for once, you know. He wanted to see you, old man. He got best in the year last year, did you know that? Of course you didn’t. And the awesome me got a boyfriend, too. Bet you didn’t know that, either.”

“A boyfriend?” Mrs. Beilschmidt asked, raising an eyebrow, “What’s his name?”

“Roderich Edelstein, and he’s done a damn good job of taking care of me, better than you two have,” Gilbert said. There was really nothing new to this discussion. The same topics were brought up in the same heated tones, only this time, Gilbert’s anger had been brewing for a long, long time, and it wasn’t for himself.

If his parents didn’t want to parent, they should just die already, or at least let them live on their own so they don’t ever have to see them again. These were, of course, your typical thoughts for your angsting seventeen year old teenage son, but Gilbert didn’t know how much he’d regret everything until later on.

“Anyways, please get your heads out of your asses, in case you haven’t noticed, they’re not hats,” Gilbert said, and his tone hardened, “Maybe you should consider that being there for your son is more important than throwing cash around in Amsterdam, or Monte Carlo, or wherever you’re going to this time.”

“Once again, business is a delicate matter,” Mr. Beilschmidt’s tone turned snide, “And the sordid affairs of a boy’s birthday party don’t concern--”

“Fuck you, old man!” Gilbert growled, shooting forward to throttle him (this was actually quite normal). He’s done this before. Actually gotten his hands to close around his father’s neck in anger, to hear his father shout at him angrily, his mother give an irritated sigh, and maybe (if he was there) hear Ludwig’s cry of anguish. He’s done this before, and it’s almost a routine. Lose his temper, attempt to throttle his father, get grounded for a week and sulk around. Apologize and actually feel bad for a couple of hours, before getting over it.

Only this time, something was different. His mother’s voice rose, high-pitched and tinny, and the car gave a low sound, and his father’s eyes widened, and Gilbert lurched forward and would have slammed his head against the dashboard, had his father not thrown his arm out and Gilbert collided with it. Mr. Beilschmidt himself was launched forward from the impact, his lack of seatbelt causing his body to rocket into the driver’s wheel, cutting into his chest, ribcage collapsing. Mrs. Beilschmidt, with a seatbelt, was killed instantly from the glass that pierced her neck. Gilbert Beilschmidt, protected by his father, only sustained minor injuries to his lower back and his head.

* * *

 

Gilbert stopped telling his story here, and before Matthew knew it, was crying quietly.

“I killed them, Birdie,” He whispered, “I killed them, and I wasn’t ready to talk about it, and I yelled at Roderich every time he tried, and that’s why he broke up with me, and I only have two friends because I’ve scared everyone else off, and I’m so fucking damn protective of Ludwig because he’s the only friend I’ve got left.”

Matthew stared at Gilbert, eyes wide, before shaking his head, not sure what to feel. Only one thought, however, entered his mind.

“It’s not your fault, Gilbert, you didn’t...You didn’t kill them, okay?”

“It is my fault!” Gilbert said angrily, “I wished they were dead, actually went to strangle my dad, and I distracted him, and then we got in a fucking car crash and my mom died!”

“What happened to your dad, then?” Matthew asked, “Didn’t he die too?”

Gilbert’s eyes found Matthew’s, and Matthew had the strangest feeling as if he were being turned inside out.

“Yeah,” Gilbert finally said after a while, “He was in the ICU for about a week or so. I could visit him, my injuries weren’t too bad. Lungs collapsed. Pressure from the steering wheel. Couldn’t breathe.”

Matthew suddenly envisioned himself in Mr. Beilschmidt’s place, a faceless blond stranger feeling the same pressing weight on his chest that Matthew did, and he suddenly realized why Gilbert had freaked out that night he himself had felt his chest hurting.

“He died of that, didn’t he?” Matthew asked Gilbert. Gilbert didn’t reply. His head was hung low and his knees were drawn to his chest. Matthew suddenly became aware of the fact that it was nearly three, and it was cold and the sound of traffic was echoing throughout. He scooted closer to Gilbert, not sure what to say, except,

“You didn’t kill your parents, Gilbert.”   
“I  _ did _ ,” Gilbert said, but his voice sounded weaker this time, “And everyone else was affected by it, Birdie, and that’s why I need to break up with you.”

Matthew shook his head vehemently, “No, Gilbert. Stop being stupid. You didn’t kill your parents. You didn’t put a gun up to their heads or poison them or anything. Everybody else was affected by it only because you didn’t open up and tell anyone about how you feel.”

“I don’t need any therapist recommendations, thanks,” Gilbert growled, “Roderich does that enough. You know  me, the awesome me, has a fear of the dark and cars because of this?”

“I...The dark?” Matthew blinked.

Gilbert looked up at Matthew, his eyes clouded and hazed.

“I was conscious when the ambulance came. But I couldn’t see anything. It was all just...Black. But I could hear people screaming and I could my dad breathing, except my dad didn’t sound like he was breathing, and I could hear myself saying my mom’s name, but she never replied back,” Gilbert shook his head, shoulders hunching, “I was afraid because I didn’t know what was going on, I couldn’t see for myself what was happening. It’s stupid. But I did kill my parents, Birdie, and that’s why you should get away from me.”

“Don’t be--”

But Gilbert had stood up, flicking his fringe out of his eyes. Matthew became very aware, now, of everything that had happened, and everything that Gilbert had said, and the fucking  _ stupidity  _ of the entire situation, and --

“Just for now,” Gilbert’s voice said, and for a moment it seemed to lack everything--tone, emotion, hell, it even seemed to lack his German accent, “I think I should stay away from you.”

He left, leaving Matthew feeling confused, lost, and angry.

_ God damn it Gilbert. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the end gilbert's trauma is just the result of him being a dramatic fuck  
> or maybe he killed his parents on purpose and he lied to matthew  
> who knows certainly not me, the author  
> oh wait


	18. Eighteen

When Matthew told Alfred everything, Alfred wasn’t surprised, or impressed. Really? That was everything? The big bad secret? Why he was acting like a douchewaffle? Personally, Alfred didn’t see what the big deal was, but Matthew looked upset.

“I think he wants us to break up,” Matthew said worriedly, rubbing his face with his palms tiredly. It was currently almost midnight, and Matthew was curled up on the couch with hot chocolate in his hands a sad look on his face.

“Good,” Alfred said, tossing aside his phone as he scanned his twin. Everybody assumed they were polar opposites, but it wasn't true. Matthew could be just as impulsive as Alfred could be, and Alfred could be just as calculating as Matthew could be. They were different in many ways, so many that some people liked to view them as separate people entirely, and not as the entity they truly were, not as family. It ticked Alfred off.

He could read Matthew like a book, decipher his words easily, and be everything Matthew was. But he didn’t want to be. He wanted to be Alfred, and he wanted to be Matthew’s brother, and he’s going to care for him like a brother should.

So Alfred started off with,

“Matt, don’t you ever think that maybe…”

But now Matthew was looking at him, and Alfred suddenly found it a lot harder to tell his twin what was truly on his mind. Alfred took a deep breath, and said,

“You...Hardly know Gilbert, Matthew.”

Matthew’s eyes clouded, and he shook his head rapidly.

“I know tons about him,” Matthew said, clutching the hot chocolate to his chest, “Like....Like, he was born in Germany! And he had an ex boyfriend! His family was rich!”

Alfred shook his head. It was simple stuff, nothing deep at all. How long had Matthew and Gilbert even known each other? Alfred rubbed his face. Ugh. How was he supposed to save his brother if he wouldn’t listen to reason?

“Dude, I know I ain’t the most sensible person, but don’t you think this is all rushed? I think that Gilbert guy is bad for you!” Alfred sat up as Matthew gave him an offended look, but Alfred didn’t care. He was going to say exactly what was on his mind.

“What he does affects you, too! He gets upset, and now you’re upset! This is a big thing, Mattie, and who says he hasn’t hidden more stuff? It sounds highly, highly suspicious to me,” Alfred went on, “You hardly know him. He hardly knows you. You’ve met each other in person, like what, three times? And only one time has gone right. Mattie, Gilbert is--”

“Shut up!” Matthew shouted over Alfred’s voice, before slamming the cup of hot chocolate on the side table, getting to his feet, and marching out of the room.

There was an echoing silence as Matthew slammed his bedroom door. 

The twins hadn’t shared a bedroom since they were fourteen.

For some reason, this fact seemed to really hurt Alfred now, as he couldn’t demand that Mattie open the door. Well, he could always use brute strength, but he felt as if maybe Jack and Marie wouldn’t be so lenient the  _ fourth _ time Alfred’s done that.

_ Ding. _

_ Ding. _

_ Ding. _

_ Ding…. _

Alfred counted them.

Twelve in total.

Midnight.

The blond teen sat back in his chair, staring blankly at the ceiling. He hadn’t managed to accomplish anything, except maybe piss Matthew off. Ugh, this was so awful and confusing. Why couldn’t Alfred be in the wrong here? That’s how it always was. Alfred wasn’t used to the roles being reversed.

So he decided that maybe he should call for some help.

* * *

 

Gilbert entered the dorm room and didn’t know what he was expecting, but certainly not this.

“Agh! Put some clothes on!”

“Sorry, amigo,” Toni’s voice said, and Gilbert heard shuffling as he continued to cover his eyes, “We only made out, I promise.”

“Which is why you’re fuckin’ naked, right?”

“We just made out, you fucking white bastard, now fucking go away.”

“This is  _ my  _ dorm, Vargas. Could you not?”

When Lovino was successfully ushered out of the room (with Antonio pecking many kisses to Lovino’s annoyed face), Gilbert sat down on his bed and allowed himself to unwind.

He had managed to calm down his racing heart and mind on the way home, and was now just tired. He let his limp limbs relax onto the soft bed, and would have nearly fallen asleep in his hood, scarf, and wet boots if Antonio hadn’t roughly shaken him.

“Get up,” Antonio said, and there wasn’t any trace of his normal calm happiness in his voice. With a groan, Gilbert dragged himself into a sitting position.

“Not awesome,” He sighed, kicking his boots off as he did so, “Not. I want to go to sleep, man. And where’s Franny?”

Antonio had his shirt off and only a pair of jeans, and if he was on the market, Gilbert would have willingly allowed his eyes to take in all of Antonio’s muscle hungrily, but now it just made him feel guilty and wrong.

“Franny is out tonight,” Antonio said simply, before plopping down next to Gilbert with a long sigh. The Spaniard and the German sat together in long silence, before Antonio said,

“You’re stupid.”

Gilbert blinked in surprise, staring ludicrously at his friend, because if Antonio Fernandez Carriedo was telling you that  _ you _ were stupid, you must have done something major to fuck up this badly.

“Why--” Gilbert began, but Antonio shook his head rapidly.

“No, no, don’t start, puta, because I’m actually very angry,” Antonio said, Spanish accent thickening, and somewhere in the back of Gilbert’s mind, the idea that Antonio was actually very, very good looking tickled his consciousness.

“You’re an idiot because you’re letting Matthew get hurt by your own actions,” Antonio said, and his voice was strong, but his eyes were soft, as if he felt bad for Gilbert, and Gilbert suddenly felt angry at his friend for giving him that look.

“I’m not letting him get hurt from my actions,” Gilbert growled, “I’m protecting him.”

“What have you told him?” Antonio asked, raising an eyebrow, and Gilbert paled at the cold and searching look he was being given. 

“All of it,” Gilbert lied, and Antonio stared at him suspiciously. Gilbert has lied many times before, what makes this time different…?

And thankfully, Antonio decided he wasn’t lying, because he relaxed a bit.

“Mi amigo, you have to actually talk to him,” Antonio explained, “All I did was ignore Alfonso two years ago, and I shouldn’t have, after everything we’ve been through.”

“But Alfonso’s your brother,” Gilbert argued, “This is different.”

Antonio pursed his lips, almost into a pout, and once again, Gilbert found himself again thinking that Antonio was very good looking, and so was Francis. Gilbert felt like an ugly doll next to him, a leech, a parasite, sucking up all of his friend’s emotions and patience, until he was full to the brim with them and allowed them to overspill and wash them away.

“I think you need to talk to Matthew,” Antonio said, looking Gilbert in the eyes. Green locked on red, and Gilbert was almost surprised by how serious they looked, but not quite. Antonio could be very, very serious if he wanted to...This, he and Franny had learned years ago.

“When you talk things over, you won’t be letting Matthew suffer anymore, and you’ll be at peace of mind,” Antonio clasped Gilbert’s hand in his own, and smiled at him, and the light warmed his eyes. Gilbert nodded, before leaning over and gently pecking his friend’s lips.

It didn’t make anything weird between them, because Gilbert still loved Matthew and Antonio still loved Lovino, but for a moment Gilbert wondered how in the hell a scumbag like him ended up with some like Antonio Fernandez Carriedo as one of his best friends.

* * *

 

“Okay then,” Arthur said, locking eyes with Alfred, “You’re sure he’ll listen?”

“Of course,” Alfred said encouragingly, eyes bright, “You’re a lot better at wording things than I am! And you agree with me, right?”

Arthur crossed his arms and leaned all his weight onto one foot, which Alfred found hot, but not as hot as his clothes. A very mixed fashion style that worked only for Arthur--black skinny jeans that hugged his legs comfortably, a gray windbreaker, and a plain blue T-shirt that  Arthur had once (drunkenly) agreed to let Alfred doodle on. The shirt had sharpie designs of stars, hamburgers, motorcycles, and teddy bears. Alfred liked to think he did a good job. Arthur said it was atrocious, but he still wore it anyways.

“I agree with you,” Arthur said carefully, “But I don’t agree with…”

His voice trailed off, before he shook his head, and Alfred took Arthur’s hand and tried squeezing it in encouragement, but apparently he did it too hard, because Arthur flinched and withdrew his hand.

“Let’s do it, if we’re going to, then,” Arthur said, and the look on his face screamed that he didn’t want to do this. Approaching Matthew’s closed bedroom door, the two blonds leaned against it, listening for any signs of life. Arthur knocked gently, but received no response. Alfred leaned over and knocked harder and louder, but still no response. 

“Maybe the door is un--Gotcha,” Arthur said, and the door opened easily. Matthew lay on his bed, headphones on and staring blankly at the screen of his computer, which had bubbles floating around on the desktop. 

He noticed them and sat up, sliding his headphones off and giving them a bleary glare.

“Whatcha listenin’ to?” Alfred asked, trying to keep up a friendly atmosphere.

“Screamo,” Matthew deadpanned.

“Okay then, that’s the end of that,” Alfred turned around and cleared some stuff off of Matthew’s desk chair before sitting on it, facing his twin. Arthur  fidgeted, and apparently couldn’t decided whether to sit on the floor or the bed, because he settled for leaning awkwardly on the desk.

“So...Matthew,” Arthur began slowly, crossing his arms, “I see...That you...Redecorated.”

It was a lame way to start the conversation, and it was apparently ticking Matthew off, because his jaw worked silently and furiously, as if chomping on imaginary metal gum.

“Anyway,” Arthur continued on quickly, tone suddenly a bit brisker, “Matthew, I’m going to put it to you simply...You hardly know Gilbert. He might drop another bombshell on you. Who says he’s really who he says he is? We’re concerned for you. You’re not acting like yourself. I think you oughtta call Gilbert and settle all this shit with him like the adult you’re about to be.”

“What?!” Alfred cried, staring at Arthur, because this certainly wasn’t what he had in mind when he called Arthur to talk to Matthew, but Arthur didn’t look at him. He was focused entirely on Matthew.

After a pause of silence, Matthew sighed and looked down at his phone, which lay on his desk.

“I...I guess I should,” He said, voice trailing off, and Arthur looked satisfied. Alfred suddenly realized that Arthur was very dangerous when talking, which was probably why he had called him in the first place. He had just made Matthew get off his ass and do something (whether Alfred agreed with it or not) when all Matthew had done the past few days is sulk.

He was dangerous. Alfred liked dangerous. Feisty.

But not when it didn’t work in his favor.

“No, Matthew, I don’t think you should,” Alfred said forcefully, pouring every ounce of worry he could into his voice, “I’m concerned for you. I think Gilbert might be trouble.”

“I told you the same thing when you started dating Arthur,” Matthew sneered, and that shut Alfred up. Arthur didn’t look too offended, but he did fidget awkwardly.

“Gilbert is different,” Alfred said, getting to his feet, “He’s more...More dangerous, Matthew. He’s got this...This aura--”

“Alfred Fucking Jones, you shut the fuck up and let me do this!” Matthew spat at his twin, “Gilbert is perfectly okay! He is, okay? He just got scared!”   
“Of what?” Alfred asked, throwing his hands up in the air, “I can understand PTSD, man, you  _ know _ that I  _ understand _ PTSD, I  _ get it _ , but, to this level where it’s affecting  _ you _ \--”

“It’s my choice, Al,” Matthew said, reaching for his phone, but Alfred quickly grabbed one of Matthew’s notebooks and flung it at his twin.

It bounced off of Matthew’s shoulder, and Matthew fixed him with a glare. The silence was thick and tense. Arthur’s eyes were wide and his mouth was open in shock. Alfred had the feeling that Matthew wanted to punch him, but at that moment, the doorbell rang, and Arthur said,

“I’ll get it!”

* * *

 

Jesus lord, these two. Arthur was going to get gray hairs before the age of twenty four and that didn’t sound attractive at all. Excusing himself from that room was the smartest decision to make, as he could practically feel the angry energy radiating off the both of them.

Why did he stick with these people? Alfred was a great boyfriend, truly, but this family started too much damn drama. Three years dating Alfred and being with them, and yet Arthur still wasn’t used to it. Sure, he had his punk phase, that dark period of time between the ages fourteen and twenty, even dating Alfred when he turned twenty, but he’s changed himself since then! He’s a good (ish) person now, and Marie and Jack welcome him with open arms! But this Gilbert guy… Arthur had a very eerie feeling about him.

_ It’s not like you can complain about a family causing too much drama _ , Artie, an annoying voice said at the back of his head,  _ You’re a fucking  _ Kirkland _ , for crying out loud. _

_ Shut up, nobody’s talking to you, _ Arthur shot back.

Admiring the family’s living room as he picked his way through it in the dark, Arthur heard the doorbell ring once again, and he wondered who on Earth could be here at one in the morning and what they could possibly want.

Opening the door, Arthur was faced was a strange teenager with a shock of white hair stuffed hastily in a black beanie, a neon pink scarf, and a good three inches taller than him.

“Hi,” He said in a lightly accented voice, scanning Arthur with a confused look, “Uh, I have the right house, right?”

“Let me guess,” Arthur sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose and closing his eyes, “You’re Gilbert, aren’t you?”

“I am,” Gilbert said, but a sudden shout of anger from the floor above caused both men to look up, eyebrows drawing in concern.

“My name is Arthur,” Arthur told the albino, “Proper greetings can wait. For now, I’ve got to separate two idiots before they murder each other."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I was half asleep writing this, but we got Arthur???? So yay???
> 
> DIDI WRITE ARTHUR OKAY? I'M NOT GOOD OR EXPERIENCED WITH WRITING ENGLAND I'M SORRY
> 
> REVIEWS APPRECIATED


	19. Nineteen

Matthew and Alfred were rolling around on the floor, lashing out at each other, but mostly their fists just hit random objects and they failed to actually strike a blow upon each other. The blond guy with the huge eyebrows ( _ Arthur, _ Gilbert reminded himself) looked exasperated as all hell. Gilbert knew _ he _ felt a little exasperated. And also a little proud. Because Matthew looked like he could kick ass.

“I’ll kill you,” Matthew hisses as he pinned Alfred down, eyes blazing. Alfred flipped him back over, grabbing a stuffed polar bear, before smashing it to Matthew’s head repeatedly with a barrage of war cries. Arthur stepped to the side as the twins went rolling past him, and Gilbert thought that maybe if he were to get back in Birdie’s good books (because yes he’s definitely going to be mad at him, why wouldn’t he be?) he should probably break up this fight, no matter how mildly entertaining it was to watch.

But before Gilbert could even take a step forward, Matthew flung himself backwards with a deep breath, before coughing deeply and swiping his fingers at Alfred, who stopped trying to kill him with a toy animal. The twins both straightened up, Matthew wheezing slightly as he did so, and Arthur bent down, grasping Alfred’s forearm and yanking him to his feet.

“You’re an idiot,” He sighed, “Don’t fight. Fighting is not the answer.”

“What is the answer then? Knitting and tea?”

“Don’t insult my knitting you git.”

“Hi, Gil,” Matthew said, focusing his attention on Gilbert after regaining his breath, and suddenly Gilbert didn’t really know how to talk. His phone buzzed unhelpfully in his pocket. Gilbert ignored it.

“I...It’s snowing outside,” Was the only thing Gilbert could find it in himself to say. His plan had consisted of; Sneak out, get a cab, come here, knock on the door, and talk to Birdie.

He had not planned much farther than that.

“It is?” Alfred asked suddenly, but Gilbert ignored him in favor for Matthew, whom he extended a hand to and pulled off the floor. Matthew looked strange, as if he too suddenly did not know what to say.

“So,” Gilbert said after a long while of silence, “I realize I may have been an idiot.”

“Yep,” Matthew said as he turned his back to Gilbert, picking up his pillow and hugging it close to his chest as if it were a lifeline, “A big one. I expect an apology.”

“My awesomeness wraps itself in an apology hug,” Gilbert wrapped his arms loosely around Matthew, before letting go, “Though I still don’t know what to say or do now. I was planning to give a speech. But then I realized I actually didn’t plan the speech.”

Matthew gave him a sideways look as he continued hugging his pillow, fiddling with the ends of the pillowcase to give his hands something to do.

“I still don’t really get why you did what you did,” Matthew said quietly, “But you’re still sort of an idiot if you think it’s your fault and that leaving me would be the best course of action.”

And with that, he violently slapped Gilbert with his pillow, who fell backwards because gravity.

God damn you, gravity.

“Well I guess I deserved that,” Gilbert groaned as his phone buzzed a couple more times, “But it didn’t feel awesome. Ugh. I think I can feel my teeth in somewhere in my stomach. Holy shit. Why do you hit so hard. You’re supposed to be  _ cute _ , god damn it.”

“I can be cute and hardcore at the same time,” Matthew defended, before smiling and reaching a hand out to help Gilbert off the floor, “But we’ve still got a lot to talk about.”

“Like what?” Gilbert asked, still not sure why this conversation was actually going much better than he initially expected it to be. Maybe Toni had some magic to his words. Or maybe it was the somehow soothing presence of Arthur, who seemed like a fixed point while everything else moved around him. Like the hammer that one Norse guy used. Whore or whatever. Whatever it was, for some reason Arthur had a calm aura about him.

“Like your favorite color, your birthday, your favorite animal, what’s your favorite things to do, I really don’t know these things about you,” Matthew ticked off, and Gilbert reached out, grasping the Canadian’s soft hand…

Before yanking him down onto the floor with Gilbert. 

Unfortunately, Matthew elbowed his crotch, and then Gilbert saw stars.

“Holy----- _ shiiiiiiiiiiiiit _ ,” Gilbert groaned as he curled within himself, and his phone buzzed once again. Okay seriously who the hell was texting him at--what was it, two in the morning now? Two in the morning? Wow.

“I’m sorry,” Matthew didn’t sound sorry, “But you’re the one that pulled me down.”

Gilbert knew this conversation was going too well. He could hear the concealed iciness in Birdie’s voice. Oh well. Maybe Gilbert deserved that. 

Guilt came flooding back into Gilbert (along with the pain of having his balls crushed) because this whole thing kind of was his fault. He just had to overreact to everything. How was he supposed to be normal around Matthew when his breathing often sounded like his father’s dying breaths?

“Don’t mean to interrupt your conversation,” Came Alfred’s voice, cutting through Gilbert’s thoughts, and Gilbert had kinda forgotten he was there, “You said it was  _ snowing _ , right?”

“Yeah,” Gilbert managed, hand going down to massage his own crotch because the fuck it hurt but then realized he was surrounded by people and then withdrew his hand and settled on trying not to cry, “Speaking of which, Birdie, and I am not saying this to reference anything, but….Do you wanna build a snowman?”

* * *

They did build a snowman.

In fact, they built two.

Somewhere along rolling the snowman’s head across the ground to make it bigger (I mean, unless they were fine with Mr. Snowman having a walnut head, then they kinda needed to, no matter how much Arthur was complaining his arms hurt already) Gilbert went back inside to discard his phone on the table, which had been continually buzzing. 

“I’m sure someone’s going to call the police soon,” Arthur grunted as Matthew and Alfred started the base for a second snowman, “Three adolescents and a handsome young man at two thirty in the morning making snow figures outside, two of which are in pajamas.”

“Shut up,” Gilbert said as he flung a half-formed snowball at Arthur, “Don’t suck the fun out of things, Eyebrows.”

“Don’t call me that,” Arthur said as he swept snow out of his hair, “By the way, I have yet to properly introduce myself. Arthur Kirkland is my name.”

“Yeah, I know. Mattie’s told me about you. Your younger siblings go to my school,” Gilbert said as he began rolling another snowball, “They’re twins, right? They’re in the ninth year.”

“I’m assuming you only know them because of their antics,” Arthur groaned as he dodged the snowball that was lobbed his way.

“They give me and my friends a run for our non existent money.”

“Gilbert, you’re rich,” Matthew’s voice said as he and Alfred finished the base of the second snowman.

“Franny and Toni aren’t.”

“Franny? As in…” Arthur’s head turned to Matthew, who was now rubbing his scarf against his glasses, “Your cousin?”

“Yep,” Matthew said brightly.

“I hate that guy.”

“I know.”

“Hey, Francis is chill,” Gilbert said defensively as he got off his ass and started helping Matthew with the body of the snowman, “Imma put my scarf on this one.”

“I’ll put my scarf on the other one, then,” Matthew said, before slipping it off and turning around, draping it around the first snowman they had built. Alfred had stuck a twig on it’s face and on each side of its body, but besides that it looked rather lonely.

“I’ve got stones for it’s eyes,” Arthur offered helpfully when he realized he was the only one not helping now.

“Stones for it’s eyes, you say?” Alfred asked, lips quirking.

“Yes, why?”

“Guess you could now stay the snow man’s eyes will look..Stoned.”

They groaned as Alfred laughed.

“D’you know how long it’s been since I made a snowman?” Matthew asked, giving Gilbert a sideways look as they lifted its body onto the base.

“No, but I love building snowmen,” Gilbert said as he brushed some excess snow off the top of the body, “I used to make a shit ton by myself. When Luddy was with me, we built snow forts and had a snowball fight.”

“I’ve got it’s head,” Arthur said, holding up a blob of snow.

“No, Artie, we don’t want the snowman to be deformed,” Alfred said, but Arthur put it on top of the snowman’s body anyways, “Well shit. Now we gotta keep it.”

“I think it looks just like you, Gil,” Matthew said as Gilbert draped his scarf around it.

“Shut up Birdie.”

The two stood around the snowman as Arthur and Alfred began building a third, Arthur slowly becoming more enthusiastic about it while Alfred’s own enthusiasm depleted into what seemed like exasperation. Maybe Arthur was a leech. Explained while he sucked the fun out of things. And Gilbert’s only known him for an hour.

He feels special.

“So...About those questions you had,” Gilbert said, bending down and picking up two stones that were both drastically different in size and pressing them into the snowman’s head. Snow fell of the side of it. 

“Yeah, I expect you to answer them,” Matthew grunted as he broke a large stick in half, “Wow, I’m really glad all of these stones and twigs are conveniently in our front yard and not buried under the snow for us to use so we can build these snowmen.”

“Well, for starters, my favorite color varies from red, blue, and sometimes purple,” Gilbert informed him as he tried reshaping the head into a more circular shape, “But mostly blue. Also my birthday is January eighteenth. My favorite animal...Does a bird count? If so, it’s an eagle. But I have a canary. Canaries are cute too. What other questions did you have?”

“Your birthday is January 18th?” Matthew blinked, “You’ll be eighteen in a couple of weeks?”

“Yep.”

“Oh. Well then,” Matthew mumbled quietly as he stuck the sticks on either side of the snowman’s body, “I also want to know little stuff about you. I like learning little things about you. Like languages you speak and languages you want to speak. Stuff like that.”

“German and English, learning French in school.” Gilbert answered, before sliding to the ground and sighing, arms aching, “I want to learn Norwegian, Japanese, and Spanish.”

“I speak French and Alfred speaks Spanish, we could help you out there,” Matthew offered, settling down next to Alfred.

“Speak for yourself, Mattie!”

“Okay, so Alfred  _ won’t _ help you with that,” Matthew grins, before it slowly slides off his face and he sighs, looking back at Gilbert, “You’re still a bit of an asshole though. Do you know how much I’ve suffered these past few days?”

Gilbert  _ was _ going to answer, he  _ swears  _ he was, but he noticed something on the snowman that Alfred and Arthur were building and it captured his attention.

“What the hell’s up with your snowman’s chest?” Gilbert asked.

“It’s a snowwoman, you see?” Alfred said, gesturing to it, and after a second of silence,  everyone was laughing. Gilbert grinned as he got to feet (because he could feel the snow soaking through his pants and now his underwear was wet) and helped Matthew up as well.

“It’s a very shitty snowwoman, her boobs are uneven,” Matthew said as he focused on it, “And yeah, I understand women don’t have perfect boobs, but I’m pretty sure they’re boobs aren’t that drastic in sizes.”

“She’s a breast cancer survivor, you fool,” Alfred rolled his eyes as Arthur undid his own scarf and draped it over the snowwoman’s head, which Gilbert guessed was supposed to be it’s hair or something. The light of a car illuminated the snow around them as a familiar, blue citroen rolled down the street, carefully cutting through the ice and snow.

“Aw, shit,” Gilbert groaned, “What the--”

The car rolled to a stop and instantly, the door on the passenger’s side flew open and Elizabeta popped out, grinning enthusiastically.

“Looks like Toni sent us for no reason,” She sang as Roderich opened his door and exited as well, looking high-class as hell in his fucking fancy ass purple coat. God damn this man for being richer than  _ Gilbert _ .

“Toni sent you guys?” Gilbert asked, feeling scandalized, “Why?”

“You weren’t answering your phone and he became concerned that you screwed up and were being murdered by your boyfriend or something,” Roderich said with a shrug, “But instead, I see you’re building…”

He stared at the snowwoman. The snowwoman’s left boob fell off.

“Yeah, so I think we’re not needed here. But we should probably take you back to school,” Roderich offered to Gilbert, while Elizabeta sidled up to Matthew and squeezed his cheeks.

“You’re such an adorable baby,” She giggled.

“Why does everybody say that?” Matthew sighed, “I am not cute, I am death.”

“Awwww. Look at him, Artie,” Alfred joked, “The baby’s first words.”

“Al. I’ll kill you. Slowly.”

“Then I’ll kill Gilbert before you can get to me.”

“Then Gilbert would kill  _ me  _ before you could get to him,” Arthur said, raising an eyebrow, “It’s a chain reaction, Alfred.”

“Whoa guys, calm down and stop planning your Child Murder Superbowls,” Gilbert said, holding his hands up, “Nobody’s killing anybody.”

“Unfortunately.”

“Elizabeta, no,” Roderich sighed.

“Besides, I’d kill you all first. I’ve got aim worthy of Hawkeye,” Gilbert grinned. Matthew blinked in confusion.

“Who’s Hawkguy?”

“Hawk _eye_ , and he’s the coolest Avenger,” Gilbert said, tapping Matthew’s nose.

“No way, it’s definitely Captain America,” Alfred grinned, puffing his chest up, “Captain America stands for morale and what’s right!”

“Hawkeye’s cooler, though,” Gilbert argued, “He doesn’t have any superpowers or shit but he can keep up with billionaire geniuses and large angry green men. He’s cool.”

“You’re both wrong, Thor is obviously the best,” Roderich said smoothly, before turning to Gilbert, “We really should get back to school before we’re found out. I was almost impaled on the school fence.”

“Ugh, fine,” Gilbert groaned, “But only because I don’t want to be put in detention for a month.”

Gilbert turned to Matthew, who was gazing at Roderich awkwardly, before placing a hand on Matthew’s shoulder and grinning.

“Call me, maybe?” He asked, and Matthew rolled his eyes.

“Okay,” He said, and Gilbert smiled before wrapping his arms around Matthew in a hug. But it felt strange, because Gilbert knew he was still hiding things from Matthew and Matthew didn’t sound the same because Matthew must know that Gilbert’s up to something. 

But Matthew hugged him back, and Arthur retrieved Gilbert’s phone from inside. 

“Thanks,” Gilbert said as Arthur gave it to him, “Nice meeting you, by the way. My awesomeness has blessed you with it’s presence.”

“Well...I guess, nice meeting you too,” Arthur said with a strange smile, as if he did actually want to smile but didn’t know how to do so without making it awkward, and Gilbert turned to Alfred.

“Alfred.”

“Gilbert.” Alfred responded, staring him in the eye.

“Let’s go!” Elizabeta cheered, throwing her arms up in the air. Roderich studied Matthew for a moment as Gilbert slid into the back seat of the car, deciding not to fight with Elizabeta this time about who should sit in the passenger’s seat.

“I’m going to hold a costume party for Gilbert’s birthday,” Roderich said after a while, smiling at Matthew, “Would you like to come? You can bring your brother and his boyfriend, too.”

Matthew smiled back. He really didn’t know why Gilbert complained so much, Roderich seemed like a nice guy.

“I think that’d be fun,” He said honestly. Roderich gave Matthew his phone number before getting back into the car, where Elizabeta and Gilbert were fighting over what music to play.

“Gilbert doesn’t seem like too bad of a bloke,” Arthur said after the car was long gone, “He just takes some warming up to.”

“I still don’t trust him, but whatever. Costume parties, amirite?” Alfred sighed.

The snowwoman’s right boob fell off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried to be funny and then i failed
> 
> reviews appreciated pls review reviews are life and inspiration
> 
> and when i say review i dont just mean "LOL THIS FUNNY CONTINUE!!!!!!11!!!1"
> 
> srsly u know what MADE me write this chapter???????
> 
> reviews
> 
> so pls reviews are life and inspiration
> 
> also happy summeeeeer


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guess who's not dead
> 
> me i'm not dead
> 
> also changed the formatting SLIGHTLY and ONLY when it comes to the group chat screenshots Gilbert sends to make things a bit more readable!

Saturday

(12:34) **Sup.**

(12:36) Good afternoon, Gil.

(12:36) **It took you two whole minutes to reply. Im wounded, Birdie.**

(12:37) :)

(12:38) **Wow that smiley looks threatening as hell.**

(12:38) As it should.

(12:39) **Why would you threaten me?? Im a good person.**

(12:40) You know what? The important thing is that you believe that.

(12:41) **Fuck you.**

(12:42) **;)**

(12:43) What.

(12:43) **;) ;) ;) ;) ;(**

(12:44) Oh look. A sad winky face.

(12:44) **SHIT I FU CKED UP**

(12:45) Ha!

(12:46) **DAMN IT, BIRDIE! I WAS TRYING TO BE SMOOTH!**

(12:47) Oh don’t worry, you were definitely smooth.

(12:48) Smooth as crunchy peanut butter, Gil.

(12:48) Smooth as the bottom of a Crunch bar.

(12:49) **But neither of those things are smooth…?**

(12:49) You know what? Forget it.

(12:50) **Someones in a sassy mood today.**

(12:51) Arthur’s been here all day and I’ve been absorbing his sass like a sponge.

(12:52) **More like a leech**

(12:53) **HA**

(12:56) **….You didnt block me, did you?**

(12:58) No I was in the bathroom.

(12:58) **The bathroom?**

(12:59) **;)**

(1:00) Yeah I was just throwing up.

(1:01) **:(**

(1:01) It’s okay though. My throat kind of burns, though.

(1:02) **I know what will make you feel better Birdie!**

(1:02) What?

(1:02) **Hold on lemme screenshot it…**

(1:04) **Here.**

[Gilbert has sent a picture message]

[Gilbert has sent a picture message]

[Gilbert has sent a picture message]

[Download images?]

[Images downloaded]

((( GROUP CHAT FULL OF ASSHOLES

 

11/12/15

 

FRIDAY, P.M

 **Feli:** m E MES

 **Luddy:** Feliciano, please calm down.

 **Feli:** there is no feliciano

 **Feli:** oNL Y MEME S

Me: **Who the fuck gave Feli alcohol again**

 **Lovino:** yALL FUCKER’S ARE THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE IT’s elEVEn PM ON a frIDAY

Me: **Who the fuck gave Lovino alcohol again**

 **Lovino:** ME YOU assHoLE

 **Kiku:** I’m broken inside.

 **Feli:** dont be meAN kik u

 **Feli:** or sho uld i saaay m E me

 **Luddy:** End my life, please.

 **Lovino:** BAStARD GIVE ME A hUUUg

 **Luddy:** Why am I always the one stuck with the drunk Italians?

_[Gilbert has changed the group chat name to rip luddy 2k15]_

**Luddy:** Brother, you are of no help. Kiku, please help me.

Me: **I’d help, Luddy, but the stars are not in position for this tribute.**

 **Kiku:** Stars. Can’t do it. Not today.

 **Feli:** THATS because gilbert is a mE AN MEME MACH INE

 **Feli:** CHOO CHOO

 **Lovino:** dkbAHBUWDGJEHB

 **Kiku:** What.

 **Luddy:** From what I can see, he is trying to make out with his phone.

 **Luddy:** No, never mind, he’s…

 **Luddy:** Aaaand he’s crying.

 **Luddy:** He’s crying on his phone.

Me: **Gross. Who wants salt all over their phone screen?**

 **Lovino:** wehwjehIUH@#RI @#RFB#JBqwifbv ;;;) I#HFBU#$F(3r1g gr

Me: **Im not going to ignore the ;;;)**

 **Feli:** dont you mean youre n ot going to ign ore the meME S

 **Kiku:** Feliciano, last time I checked, you did not have -any- alcohol at your dorm due to it being confiscated by the dean.

 **Kiku:** What could you possibly be drunk off?

 **Feli:** m em es

)))

(1:09) I

(1:10) Was that an El Dorado reference?

(1:10) **Yes. Yes it was.**

(1:11) **Surprisingly, Kiku and I are in tune about many things.**

(1:12) **Partaking in random references to films, novels, or plays is a true key in our friendship.**

(1:12) I can see that.

(1:13) So anyways, you’ve got a birthday coming up soon. What are you turning, nineteen? Now we’ll be the same age!

(1:14) **ahahahaha well birdie you see**

(1:15)....Oh dear.

(1:16) **I’ll sort of**

(1:16) **Be turning**

(1:16) **Twenty**

(1:17) No big deal, I guess. You’re only a couple of months older than me.

(1:18) **Yes but Im still in school and havent even graduated for university yet.**

(1:19) That’s fine. Francis is almost 21 now.

(1:19) **Youre taking this surprisingly well**

(1:20) My brother is dating a 23 year old sarcastic British asshole who was once a punk that destroyed property? Do you really think this isn’t something I’m used to?

(1:21) **What, dating older guys who are so sexy they make your pants drop the instant you walk in the room?**

(1:22) What?

(1:23) **What?**

(1:24) What do you mean dating older guys?

(1:25) **isn’t lars like 26 tho**

(1:25)....No.

(1:26) **Oh.**

(1:27) Besides, like I said, you’re only a couple of months older than me. Like, only six months.

(1:28) **Oh**

(1:29) **Thats a thing I guess**

(1:30) So was that Feliciano? In the screenshots? Ludwig’s boyfriend?

(1:31) **Yeah, as well as Antonio’s boyfriend Lovino and our equally as important friend Kiku.**

(1:32) Why is everyone we are associated with in a gay relationship of some sort?

(1:33) **Oh honey you should see my school.**

(1:33) Did you just call me honey

(1:34) **My other dorm mates, Toris and Feliks, are dating, this scary Belarusian chick who looks like the snow queen from that one movie is dating my adorable cinnamon roll cousin, and then there is, of course, Yao Wank and his little brother, Long Wank.**

(1:35) **Or was it Leon Wank?**

(1:35) **Anyways Im like ninety percent sure aforementioned Belarusian chick’s big brother is flirting with Yao and his lil bro has a boyfriend that goes to a different school.**

(1:36) The amount of...There’s gotta be something in the water.

(1:37) **Homo water has a nice ring to it.**

(1:38) No it doesn’t.

(1:39) **What about you and your homosexual ties?**

(1:39) For a brief second I was confused and thought you meant bowties.

(1:39) **Homoties**

(1:40) No.

(1:40) Well, there’s Arthur’s friends, Lukas and Vlad. Lukas’s boyfriend is this really loud, LOUD guy named Matthias and Vlad’s boyfriend is this really cheerful guy who actually lives across the street from us.

(1:42) His name is Nikolaj and sometimes I can see him sobbing in a pile of upturned yogurt cartons.

(1:43) I hardly ever approach him.

(1:44) **Seems like a wise decision to make**

(1:45) Matthias and Lukas both live with three other guys--Lukas’s brother and their friends, Tino and Berwald. They’re married.

(1:46) **What would our wedding be like, Birdie?**

(1:47) **When we say our vows, instead of saying, like, ‘I do’, would we say ‘I feel the homo for you?’**

(1:47) I’m having war flashbacks from when you first confessed.

(1:48) Mwahahahahahahaha

(1:49) **Alrighty, Birdie, Ive got some stuff to do. I will miss you.**

(1:50) Don’t worry, Gil. I’m still going to be here when you get on your phone in six hours.

 

Sunday, A.M

 

(11:11) **Hello?**

(11:14) **Yooooo!!!**

(11:15) **ANSWERRRRRRR**

 

Sunday, P.M

 

(1:12) **Hello from the other siiiiide.**

(1:22) **I must have called a thousand tiiiimes.**

 

(5:44) **Lonely**

(5:45) **Im so lonely**

(5:50) **I have nobody**

 

Monday, A.M

 

(2:45) **YOU LIED TO ME**

(2:45) ITS TW o in THE FUC KING MORN ING

(2:46) **Its almost three though**

(2:47) Hi this is Matthew’s twin brother! The person you are reaching is currently out of use. Please don’t text or call again!

(2:47) **DONT PLAY THESE GAMES WITH ME, ALFRED.**

(2:48) Hi this is Matthew’s twin brother! The person you are reaching is currently out of use. Please don’t text or call again!

(2:49) **I know where you live**

(2:50) Hi this is Matthew’s twin brother! The person you are reaching is currently out of use. Please don’t text or call again!

(2:51) **UGGGGH**

 

Monday, P.M

 

(1:39) **Guys Birdie isnt answering his phone.**

(1:41)  he is most likely thinking of you  (●´ω｀●)

(1:42) _Toni shut up and heLP ME._

(1:43) _Mr Johannes is EVIL I TELL YOU_

(1:44) **Lmao did he tell you to not use flirting as a way to cheat on the test again**

(1:45) _Even worse, he’s not letting me use a calculator._

(1:45) **That evil shit.**

(1:46)  ….fear 

(1:46) **Terror.**

(1:47) _Horror._

(1:48) **What could Toni do to help though?**

(1:49) _I don’t know. Be so stupid he’s actually smart once again? The Antonio paradox, remember?_

(1:50) there’s always the option for murder ʘ‿ʘ

(1:41) _That, too._

(1:42) **Nah I don’t think thats really an option right now I mean**

(1:42) **Isnt the headmaster doing classroom rounds today**

(1:43) destroy all witnesses (◑‿◐)

(1:44) _Leave no discriminating evidence behind._

(1:44) **Sometimes Im concerned that you guys have planned an actual murder.**

(1:45) (｡◕‿◕｡)

 

Tuesday, A.M

 

(4:20) **HEY BIRDIE GUESS WHAT TIME IT IS**

(4:20) Hi this is Matthew’s twin brother! The person you are reaching is currently out of use. Please don’t call or text again!

(4:21) **FUC K**

 

Tuesday, P.M

 

(6:49) **Hey Matthew, did Alfred actually take your phone?**

 

(6:41)  **Hello, Arthur.**

(6:43)  _You didn’t say Artie and now I’m suspecting this is not truly Alfred._

(6:44)  **It’s not. He stole my phone the other day and hasn’t given it back. I suspect he’s texting Gilbert.**

(6:45)  _Ah. I’d prefer for this sibling’s quarrel to end now, thanks._

(6:45)  _I’m a bloody Kirkland, you really think I want to have to deal with two other brothers fighting?_

(6:46) _ANOTHER pair of twins, no less?_

(6:46)  **You have a point. Sorry for bothering you…**

(6:47)  _No lad, give Alfred the fucking phone and let me talk to him._

 

(6:50) Yeah but I just got it back.

(6:51) **Oh yay**

(6:52) But Alfred, being the douchewaffle he is, didn’t charge my phone at all.

(6:53) So sadly, I will have to talk to you tomorrow.

(6:55) **Aw. FUCK**

(6:57) Talk to you tomorrow, though!

 

(6:54) **Sorry I took your phone.** :(

(6:55) Did Arthur tell you to say this?

(6:55) **Yes.**

(6:56) Tell Arthur I accept his apology.

 

Wednesday, P.M

(5:33) **MY BELOVED BIRDIE**

(5:35) MY BELOVED GIL

(5:35) **MY HONEY MUNCHKIN**

(5:36) MY MUFFINTOP

(5:37) **MY FRESHLY WAXED SURFING BOARD**

(5:39) MY FINELY POLISHED BEDSIDE LAMP

(5:49) **MY PRISTINE TOILET**

(5:50) jesus fucking christ gilbert

(5:51) You were doing so well.

(5:52) So, so well.

(5:52) What do you have to say for yourself?

(5:53) **‘Eat me, Im organic.’**

(5:54) What.

(5:55) **It was Kikus idea and response to our chemistry teacher when he asked us what biological material would most likely say to the consumer who was going to ingest it.**

(5:56) **And youre right, I was doing well.**

(5:57) **I was tempted to make a comment when you said you had thrown up the other day but I prevailed.**

(5:58) I’m mildly proud of you.

(5:59) Tell this to Francis and Toni. I’m sure they’ll be proud too. You deserve a gold star.

(5:59) **Hell yeah I will.**

 

(6:00) **Birdie says I deserve a gold star.**

(6:01) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(6:01) **Fucking CHRIST Toni**

 

(6:02) **You know whats lets not do that.**

(6:02) …? Okay, then.

(6:03) **So, Birdie.**

(6:04) **I was thinking…**

(6:05) **For the costume thing, next Friday? Why dont we go as like**

(6:05) **Matching costumes?**

(6:06) That sounds interesting. What do you want to go as?

(6:07) **Idk but something awesome. The awesome me must be awesome this Halloween, as I always am.**

(6:07) The important thing is that you believe that.

(6:08) **Whatever ANYWAYS I know Roddy is going to be going as Mozart (again) and Toni is going as a tomato (again) but that’s all I know.**

(6:08) **Any ideas?**

(6:09) How about….

(6:10) Astronauts?

(6:11) **The fuck. No.**

(6:11) **You know we could go as something totally cool, right?**

(6:12) **I know how to sew so I could try and stuff.**

(6:13) Where’d you learn how to sew?

(6:14) **I saw Feli making cosplay for Kiku once and he taught me a thing or two.**

(6:15) **I can cross-stitch now you know.**

(6:16) ...Right.

(6:17) **I already know what I sort of want to be but if we’re doing matching costumes idk man.**

(6:18) Who do you want to be?

(6:18) **-bass drop-**

(6:19) **HERCULES MULLLIGAAAAN**

(6:19) HERCULES MULLIGAAAAAAAAAAN

(6:20) **A TAILOR SPYIN’ ON THE BRITISH GOVERNMENT**

(6:21) **I TAKE THEIR MEASUREMENTS, INFORMATION, THEN SMUGGLE IT**

(6:21) UP

(6:22) **TO MY BROTHERS REVOLUTIONARY COVENANT**

(6:23) holySHIT YOU LIKE HAMILTON TOO?

(6:24) **HELL YEAH BIRDIE THATS SOME GOOD SHIT RIGHT THERE**

(6:25) Al and I love Hamilton.

(6:27) Al really loves it though.

(6:27) He has every single line and song memorized.

(6:28) It’s actually kind of scary.

(6:29) So that’s who you want to be? Hercules Mulligan?

(6:30) **I mean I do but also I was thinking if we wanted to do the matching couples thing we could go as Hamilton and Laurens.**

(6:31) I don’t know, we don’t have to. I think Hercules Mulligan suits you.

(6:32) **I know Franny wants to be Lafayette**

(6:33)  **Who do you want to be?**

(6:34) Laurens, most definitely.

(6:35) **He** **ll yeah. Well if Im going to be making us costumes, Im going to need to take your measurements.**

(6:36) And take all my information and smuggle it?

(6:37) **Hahahahahahaha no.**

(6:38) **Maybe. Who knows?**

(6:38) **Want to meet tomorrow? Its probably gonna take a while to make our costumes. Im already halfway done with mine because Ive actually been making mine since August but Ive been too busy to finish it. Franny made his already.**

(6:39) Sure. Should I come over to your school?

(6:40) **And risk you getting impaled on the school fence? Nah, Ill be there at seven.**

(6:41) Alrighty then. See you tomorrow!

 

(6:44) **Guys Im totally going over to Birdies house tomorrow so pls dont wreck my stuff**

(6:45) _( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_

(6:45) **DAMN IT FRANNY NOT YOU TOO**

 

THURSDAY

“Gooooood evening!” Marie shouted cheerfully as she threw open the door, looking like the epitome of sunshine. It was easy to see where her sons got it from. “How may I help you today?”

“Ah, I’m here to see Bir--Matthew, I mean.”

Marie winked at him, before dragging the albino boy in by his scarf, an unreadable look on her face.

“Hello, Gilbert!” She said cheerfully in that strangely childish voice of hers, “I hope you’re not having any trouble with my sons?”

“No ma’am,” Gilbert said, his hands snapping to his sides and his back straightening on instinct. This was the kind of woman who…

“Because if I hear you are,” Marie leaned in close to him, her eyes full of a sparking emotion he couldn’t decipher, “I WILL cut your dick off. DO YOU HEAR ME, SECOND LIEUTENANT?”

“YES MA’AM, I HEAR YOU, LOUD AND CLEAR.”

“DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT I WILL CUT OFF YOUR DICK IF I HEAR ANY DISRESPECTFUL ACTS FROM YOUR PART, BEILSCHMIDT?”

“YES, COLONEL JONES, MA’AM.” Gilbert shouted.

“I WOULD BE HAPPY TO WELCOME YOU AS FIRST LIEUTENANT ONE DAY, MAGGOT. MAYBE EVEN CAPTAIN ONE DAY.” Marie sprayed his face with spit, and for a brief second, Gilbert felt true fear.

“YES, COLONEL JONES.”

“Great!” Marie said cheerfully, “And that’s _Major General Jones_ to you, by the way.”

Gilbert nodded rapidly, before turning away and rushing towards the living room to head towards the stairs. In the living room, Alfred and Arthur were sitting, both playing a game of Monopoly.

“You’re cheating, Artie.”

“I’m not.”

“You have both Park Place and Boardwalk. That’s called cheating.”

“No, that’s just called ‘being better’.” Arthur sighed, rolling the die and landing a five.

Gilbert hoped to slip past without either noticing him--Though he’d met him once, he was pretty chill with Arthur, but Alfred was a different story--but before he could reach the stairs, a pair of ocean-blue eyes were looking up at him through rectangular shaped glasses.

“Hi,” Alfred said in a sickeningly pleasant voice. Gilbert only waved awkwardly in response, trying to be polite….Sort of.

“Good evening,” Arthur said, crossing one leg over the other and balancing his chin in his palm, staring boredly at the board in front of them.

“‘Sup,” Was all Gilbert said, before rushing upstairs. Just as he suspected, Matthew was in his room, lying on his bed and flipping through a book with disinterest.

“HELLO, MY BEAUTIFUL BIRDIE!” Gilbert shouted, throwing himself into the room and nearly pouncing on top of the blond.

“Hey, Gil,” Matthew smiled, and fuck, Gilbert had nearly forgotten how cute that little smile and curl and those glasses of his were--

“I’m not gay,” Gilbert rushed his voice out as his thoughts began stranding into “holy shit he’s adorable” territory again. Last time that happened, he could hardly string two sentences together. Matthew raised both his eyebrows.

“I hope you are, or this will get awkward,” Matthew said, and Gilbert gave out a loud laugh.

“I’m kidding, Birdie. My awesome self feels all of the homo for you. All of it. But the homo will have to wait a little bit. I need to take your torso, shoulder, and waist measurements. Also some other stuff.”

“Not dick measurements, I hope,” Said Jack as he passed by the room’s open door.

“Oh yeah, your mom threatened to cut my dick off,” Gilbert said fondly, recalling his terrifying experience downstairs. Matthew nodded.

“Yep, I heard. When a relationship looks like it’s going to be serious, she pulls up her old Major General days of screaming into lesser ranking soldiers’ faces.”

“Did she do that to Arthur, too?”

“Yep. I’ve never seen a man with piercings and dyed hair look so ready to piss his pants.”

Gilbert laughed as Matthew stood up, and Gilbert pulled his tape measurer from his coat pocket, which he hadn’t taken off upon entering the house.

“Do you have a piece of paper, or--?”

“Right there,” Matthew said, nodding towards his desk. Gilbert leaned forward, ripping a piece of paper from the open notebook, taking a pencil from the small cup that contained many different writing utensils.

“Arms up,” Gilbert commanded, and began to work.

Matthew expected this to go on for quite a while, but to his luck and relief, Gilbert was over in a matter of minutes.

“Great,” Gilbert said after jotting down the numbers, “I’m good to go. Better start now so it’s ready before the party, in case I need to fix anything.”

“Thanks, Gil,” Matthew smiled, and for a second, both boys drawn to their full heights, they stared at each other. Indigo-colored staring into shining red tinged with violet. Both snowy-skinned. And both leaning in close…

“COCKBLOCK TWIN ALERT!” A voice screamed, and something suddenly hit Gilbert on the back of his head. Looking behind him, Gilbert saw that Alfred was standing there with several pillows in his hand.

“Al, what are you doing?” Matthew sighed, and, to Gilbert’s disappointment, took a few steps away from him.

“Artie and I were going to be build a pillow fort when I saw this happening,” Alfred said, giving Gilbert a look he couldn’t quite read. Arthur stood behind the taller American boy, rolling his eyes.

“ _Alfred_ was going to build a pillow fort. _I_ was going to sit on top of the pillows and complain.”

“Oh, really?” Alfred dropped his pillows, a wide and energetic smile overtaking his face, “TICKLE ATTACK!”

“NO!” Arthur screeched, turning on his heel and tearing down the hallway, only to trip on the hallway rug and nearly fall down the stairs. The two boys heard distant thudding sounds, Arthur shrieking while also trying not to laugh, and the sound of Jack yelping, followed by the tinkling of breaking china.

“I’m gonna…” Gilbert cautiously stepped out of Matthew’s room. “Go now. And get started. Before something bad happens.”

“The worst that could happen is that Arthur could set the kitchen on fire again,” Matthew said with a shrug. Gilbert didn’t know how to respond to this.

* * *

 Friday, P.M

(12:29) **Sup.**

(12:49) Hi this is Matthew’s twin brother! The person you are reaching is currently out of use. Please don’t call or text again!

(12:53) **GOD DAM NIT**

(12:54) Kidding. But aren’t you in class right now?

(12:55) **When has that stopped me? I mean, honestly?**

(12:56) Never. Which is bad. Education is important, Gilbert.

(12:57) **Suck my ass, Matthew.**

(12:58) ;)

(12:58) **HEY YO U FUCK THE PERV ERT ED WIN KY SMILEY FA cE WAS MY TH ING**

(12:59) ;)

(1:01) **I HATE YOU**

(1:02) Well, why don’t you wait until after your classes until you text me?

(1:03) **Cant. Im making our costumes, remember?**

(1:04) Well you better focus and finish, Gilly boy, because education is important.

(1:05) **Did you just call me Gilly boy**

(1:06) FAREWELL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gUESS WHO JUST TURNED FOURTEEEEEEEEN
> 
> save me
> 
> hi i turned this chapter out when hetalia season six dub hit which brought back my hetalia fandom force fULL ON
> 
> hetalia only hits me in small bursts as of late
> 
> i sort of lost interest
> 
> but im back
> 
> hopefully
> 
> i feel like im forgetting something sOOOO IMPORTANT
> 
> its most likely a plot point that will come back to bite me in the ASS
> 
> "hey remember you were suPPOSED TO WRITE THIS SO IT COULD BE RELEVANT LATER ON"
> 
> hahaha im sorry

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Spamano Online Conversations](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6097414) by [Cosimo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cosimo/pseuds/Cosimo)




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